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Lakewood pressure getting to me
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 8:21 pm
Is it only me? I’m finding myself OBSESSING over my clothing and the kids clothing and going and returning and making myself crazy! But I need to look good!
If you know you know, I’m not talking about the yeshiva areas obviously. I’m talking about the very balabtish neighborhoods which I love but sometimes I find it getting to me!!
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 8:32 pm
Develop a sense of individuality, a sense of self. I did and I'm so glad.
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amother




Mauve


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 8:34 pm
I live OOT and I have a few friends who've moved here from Lakewood. They said they didn't even realize how bad things were there until they moved here and then started going back to visit. And these are people who were in kollel, not even working families. It's really sad to see how much gashmius so many of these people are caught up in. No advice except to move out of town Laugh
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greatfulmom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 8:36 pm
I live in Williamsburg where the pressure to match your kids and look like you're going to a wedding is "the in thing" to do. I have my own standards and couldn't care less whether I am in style or whether my kids dont match. I see it as a shallow personality trait, to try to impress when it's robbing you of life's pure joys.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 8:48 pm
greatfulmom wrote:
I live in Williamsburg where the pressure to match your kids and look like you're going to a wedding is "the in thing" to do. I have my own standards and couldn't care less whether I am in style or whether my kids dont match. I see it as a shallow personality trait, to try to impress when it's robbing you of life's pure joys.


I also live there and Yom Tov when walking on the avenues there are kids that look like they are coming out of the magazines . Not my kids . No caps for the boys or matching chol homoed outfits
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tigerwife




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 8:52 pm
Many people are just pressured to have their entire spring/summer wardrobe by Pesach, that’s where the obsession comes from. It’s a little ridiculous, but nothing to worry yourself with. It’s the season. Wait until after YT, everyone will be back to normal more or less.

I’m sure your kids are adorable and will make whatever they wear look super cute, and you will look like a fabulous super mom yourself.

Good YT!
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 9:07 pm
No, no honey! Don't let it get to you!

I shopped exclusively second-hand for this years chag. This is partly due to frugality and a tight budget, but shopping second hand also puts me out of the race. When I shop second hand, I know my choices will be more limited and less perfect. Giving up that stress to have my kids look just so is so liberating. No sense in taking a perfectly matching 80$ shirt and 60$ pair of pants and splashing them with grapejuice. For four bucks an outfit, my kids look so cute and I don't stress things like grass stains and meatball sauce. They don't match; who cares? Their personalities are so different; I've recently started letting them chose thier own clothing, and I'm enjoying watching thier unique styles emerge. Searching for good stuff second hand is like treasure hunting and makes shopping into such a creative excersize. My four year old chose a pair of bright red dress slacks, a light blue button down dress shirt, and a grey and blue vest with red buttons. It's a bit of an eye popper, but he is in love with it and carries it such poise and self-confidence.
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 9:15 pm
Tigerwife, I think you got it. Bec the whole town ‘releases’ summer clothing in January and everyone wants to be done by pesach, it becomes an obsession. I guess it’s separate from the part where we all want to look good. I was beating myself up because I went to SEVEN stores to buy a lil legs outfit and every single one was sold out...they told me I should’ve come months ago Speechless and I came home wondering what in heavens am I doing running around crazy
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amother




OP


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 9:19 pm
Also I have got to get off of Instagram Sad
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imamom7




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:00 pm
Yes you have to get off Instagram or unfollow all the kids stores
You are being bombarded by advertisements and it creates a false sense of reality
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tweek




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:32 pm
I literally see a clear divide between people who put themselves "in the race" and those who "opt out". When you stand on the outside of it you can see it very clearly.

It's like someone who is imagining something and it causes them to get hysterical and panic. The simple solution is stop imagining!

All you have to do is take yourself out of the race and then you are fine. You can even enjoy nice things and dressing up, but as long as it's not done because of or side by side with others, you won't feel that pressure.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:59 pm
tweek wrote:
I literally see a clear divide between people who put themselves "in the race" and those who "opt out". When you stand on the outside of it you can see it very clearly.

It's like someone who is imagining something and it causes them to get hysterical and panic. The simple solution is stop imagining!

All you have to do is take yourself out of the race and then you are fine. You can even enjoy nice things and dressing up, but as long as it's not done because of or side by side with others, you won't feel that pressure.


Absolutely agree with this! And another thing to keep in mind: When every kid is wearing the exact same outfit, your child no longer looks adorable - they look like clones. I laugh at the absurdity of it sometimes - you're not cool for buying the exact same thing that every other person is wearing. It doesnt show your sense of style, individuality or taste. It makes me think: I can do it too punch-en-ellow-funny-fellow. Seriously, there's nice clothing out there. Take one (or two) trips to the store, buy what you need and move on. You'll be so much happier when you do!

A fellow Lakewooder who dresses well but who opted out of the race!
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sky




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Apr 18 2019, 11:49 pm
As someone out of the race - who lives in a neighborhood were nobody cares what the kids wear. And I don’t care too much. I’m getting more self conscious about my appearance the older I get. I dont dress nerdy or nebby - it’s jusy not the current in clothing. I’m not sure if there is more judgement and sizing up and profiling when you are doing your own thing or I just imagine it too much.
Do you get better service if dresses trendy?
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amother




Slategray


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 4:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Tigerwife, I think you got it. Bec the whole town ‘releases’ summer clothing in January and everyone wants to be done by pesach, it becomes an obsession. I guess it’s separate from the part where we all want to look good. I was beating myself up because I went to SEVEN stores to buy a lil legs outfit and every single one was sold out...they told me I should’ve come months ago Speechless and I came home wondering what in heavens am I doing running around crazy


I feel you. I literally went to three different hosiery stores to find a matching sock to my sons shabbos shoes. After I did that (and many yeshivish women- not just balebatish- where there matching headbands to dresses to socks and shoes..) I asked myself what in the world is wrong with me??? I’m just as crazy as these women... Besides, I’m going nuts for ONE child how do these people do it with more?

I went to get the lil leggs shorts in March and was told I’m too late TMI Seriously?! It’s still the middle of winter!

What I learned-

-shop early or shop online. No point in driving yourself crazy in the frum stores. I did very well in Zara, Lil Leggs has a website. (Or believe it or not- your child CAN look cute with leggings that are not lil leggs...) I agree with DVOM. No point in spending $80 on an outfit that your child will wreck.

- don’t forget to buy yourself something new too. I see so many women with their kids dressed like models but their walking around with the same shlumpy black skirt and black top. I live in Lakewood my whole life and I really don’t understand this mentality. Maybe someone can explain it to me?

-shop winter sales. I got many adorable shabbos dress shirts light colors for about $15 that my seamstress cut into short sleeves for $5. I paired it with a nice pair of shorts and I didn’t have to walk into a frum store this season (besides for the hosiery store 🙄).

- your kid can survive without $100 shoes. A pair of adidas costs $40 online and is cute and fashionable. You can buy shabbos loafers on amazon for $15-30. I found a pair of Atlantas in Shoetique in their $50 section.

Enjoy your Yom Tov. I’m sure your kids will look adorable.
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 4:25 am
Wow I’m so out of it I don’t even know what lil legs are. My girl is in Gymboree but I’m guessing that’s not ‘in’ enough for Lakewood. Guess it’s a good thing we don’t live there
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Aylat




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 4:37 am
Wow, the prices people are talking about here are crazy! I spend nothing like that amount on kids clothing - same numbers or a bit less but in shekel instead of dollars. How does anyone afford that?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 6:44 am
No one can pressure you to fit in, unless you let them. The decision is entirely up to you. I doubt anyone is putting a gun to your head and saying "Your kids must all match, OR ELSE!"

You need to find your own style, and rock it with confidence. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who knows who she is, and isn't afraid of the crowd.

As everyone's mom used to say, "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 8:14 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Also I have got to get off of Instagram Sad


Yes, op. Do yourself this favor. Its erev pesach. Just the right season to FREE yourself from the false lure of instagram. I left instagram and it helped me feel so much better. Why? Because in real life, I encounter more sensible, non-trendy women who look very nice as opposed to super trendy women with new sheitels, $200 weekday outfits, slides, perfect makeup etc.
Instagram only shows you the perfectly dressed women, the women who bought new wigs and clothing etc but real life is real- includes a mix of people.
Do yourself a favor and tune into yourself, your confidence and real life!
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little neshamala




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 8:31 am
tweek wrote:
I literally see a clear divide between people who put themselves "in the race" and those who "opt out". When you stand on the outside of it you can see it very clearly.

It's like someone who is imagining something and it causes them to get hysterical and panic. The simple solution is stop imagining!

All you have to do is take yourself out of the race and then you are fine. You can even enjoy nice things and dressing up, but as long as it's not done because of or side by side with others, you won't feel that pressure.


This hit the nail on the head.
Read this over and over OP, until youve truly internalized it.

Im totally out of the race. However, I dress well, and its very important for me that my kids look cute. But its a different type of cute, not at all dictated by whats in style, what the Jewish stores are selling etc. Its simply to satisfy my own criteria of being well dressed, and its a lot quicker, simpler and cheaper. I dont let myself get sucked into it all, and still we do look good. I know because people always complement us and ask where we found the kids clothes etc.

Im telling you, watching from the outside, its actually somewhat entertaining. All the people in the race look like fools. They just do. Remove yourself and you'll likely see what I mean.

Also, once youve removed yourself, you'll very likely notice more and more people just like you, who have removed themselves from the race and are now smirking from the sidelines.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Apr 19 2019, 8:40 am
I love insta. I follow POSITIVE STUFF!
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