I told God at the Seder

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Apr 22 2019, 9:59 pm

Second night afikomen (last time I eat matza because it really doesnt agree with me) I remembered that it's supposed to be the matza of healing, so as I was eating it I told Hashem I really hope I am due for some healing of multiple physical issues which I attribute mainly to emotional pain (which I am working on and looking forward to healing).

Then, as he does every Pesach and Succos, DH mentioned that if I happen to daven Shemoneh Esrai in the next six months, not to say Mashiv Haruch and V'sein tal...

miami85

Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:00 pm

Amalia wrote:

Worst advice ever.

gee, thanks a lot.

What I was trying to say that G-d knows what we need in life, not necessarily to make us happy or to make things a "walk in the park" but what we need to grow. Believe me, my life has been full of suffering, might not be an "unstable husband" but that's probably one of the few things going right in my life right now, but I can say that even when a situation looked very bleak and I did not understand G-d's ways, it ended up being a huge blessing. Perhaps my blessing would have been better saying, may Hashem bless you with the clarity to see the blessing in this child and what his/her purpose in you bringing him/her into this world.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:05 pm

I stand by what I wrote earlier. Objectively speaking, and to an outsider, my seder was absolutely awful. Due to circumstances completely beyond my control. But I was full of joy and freedom because I had really worked very hard to free myself from trying to control anything that is outside of me. To realize that Hashem.has a bigger picture that I not privy to. On Friday night I "got" it. I don't always get it but I did then. And I bench all of you that you should also "get" it because it is very freeing.

dancingqueen

Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:06 pm

miami85 wrote:

It sounds like op is not pregnant and is actively trying to prevent pregnancy now but feels bad about it.

amother

Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:14 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

It sounds like op is not pregnant and is actively trying to prevent pregnancy now but feels bad about it.

I guess I was misunderstood.
I am conflicted because I know a pregnancy is going to be the last straw but in the same time I hate hormonal bc and I know the IUD wont work so I'm out of options.

I just explained to God all this conflict. I'm on the hormonal bc for so long already and there's no end in sight. There are certain things that are solvable only by God alone.

I prayed that HE brings light to the world through a new form of bc that is non hormonal.
Until then I'll continue with the hormonal bc.

amother

Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:27 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

I am not trying to control
In fact just the opposite
In essence
I'm trying to let go and let God

I accept that the solution to my bc issue is not in my control.

I accept that I might be kicked out of my job for underperformance. It's not in my control.

I accept that I'm anxious. I accept that I don't have the same mental toughness as other people.

I accept.
Freedom has many layers.
I'm as free as I can be at the moment.

cozyblanket

Thu, Apr 25 2019, 8:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm happy for you. When stuck in an almost hopeless and dark situation, finally getting to the point where you give up trying to be in control and accept that we are the passenger and Hashem is the driver is so freeing. It was for me. I decided I just had to buckle up and stay in my seat by not giving up and by following the prompts I was given by the one in charge. But it felt great to finally have the weight taken off my shoulders that I am not in charge.

May you continue to experience more freedom. Gut moed.