Guest Snooping! | Imamother

MiracleMama

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 11:26 am

Finally I feel grateful for my DH's mishugas of scanning and shredding everything and having paperless files.

WOW! I am impressed that you had the strength of character to concern yourself with not embarrassing her. I think I would have called her out on that right then and there.

I guess if you have to have her again locks are definitely the obvious answer. But the feeling of being violated will unfortunately linger.

thunderstorm

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 11:41 am

OP, that is horrible. Since you plan on having her back, I want to warn you that the fact that she did this may mean she's the type to touch and steal your things too.
My neighbor had a Shabbos guest for meals and then one day he broke into her house when she and her DH were at work and he stole their safe and all their valuables. B"H the geneiva was caught on camera and that person was arrested. There are sick people in our midst even if they are so called "frum" and you need to protect yourself by no longer having her as a guest. Or maybe it's time to install security cameras.

SixOfWands

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 11:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No not my mil. Its really irrelevant whether this person is related or not. What matters is that having a guest over should not have to feel like a threat in your own home. A guest should feel grateful and try and lend a hand especially after such a crazy hectic week of putting together such a beautiful yom tov. A guest certainly should not feel the right to go through your belongings and especially those that should be completely off limits. Most people don't think of putting locks, I would never dream anyone would stoop so low.

It is relevant.

If this is a relative and you cannot avoid ever having her in your home again, then install a padlock on your office door and if anyone asks, tell them that you once found a guest rifling through your private financial records. They'll know who it was.

If its not a relative, never allow her to darken your door again.

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:06 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

In my op I wrote that its someone I may need to have in the future as well.
Although after what she did she deserves a slap in her face and the right for me to disconnect from her. After I realized she can do this I told dh to keep an eye on our money while she was around. I lost all my trust in her.

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:10 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I dont think its relavant and im not sure someone needs to continue inviting someone who is a relative if they dont feel safe having them.

Im not sure at this point I can have her again.

amother

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:17 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I can’t understand why you don’t tell her what you saw. She’s clearly sick, and does this to a lot of people. Maybe if you confront her she’ll finally get help.

I don't feel comfortable confronting her but there is a chance shes on here and this is my indirect way of confronting her.
If youre reading this, you should be ashamed of yourself! Get the help you badly need and instead of seeing everyone else as the problem open your eyes and realize its you and only you.
She is bitter and upset with so many people and refuses to see that she is such a difficult person.
She was lucky to have us in her life till now but lost that privilege.
I cant express properly how I feel about this but cant seem to get it off my mind. Im very bothered. Im a private person and feel very violated especially by a person who will now go and publicly air my financial status which we intentionally kept from everyone.

MiracleMama

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I dont think its relavant and im not sure someone needs to continue inviting someone who is a relative if they dont feel safe having them.

Im not sure at this point I can have her again.

I think every one of us agrees with this. We only gave advice about how to handle having her as a guest again because you gave the impression in your original post that you would probably be hosting her again for whatever reason.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 1:39 pm

That sounds horrible! I'm sorry you went through that, that is extremely violating. I'm a very private person myself and years ago let my neighbors' guests stay in our house for Shabbos, we locked our bedroom door just in case (did I mention I'm a private person?...). When we came home, we found our bedroom lock had been broken. The guests had actually broken into our locked bedroom which was clearly off limits. And no, there were no kids staying there, only adults.
I haven't given my apartment to guests when we are not home since.

I don't know why you must have this snooping guest over again, you are clearly a bigger person than I am, but sometimes it pays to think outside of the box.
When my teenage daughter who is in a high-school dorm that sometimes has paying guests staying in the rooms complained that she had evidence that the personal closets, which were locked and clearly marked not for guests use, were being opened, looked through and locked again (doesn't say much for the locks), after trying other options I suggested to her to take a fake amputated hand or something equally shocking and put it just inside her locked closet before she leaves. I work in the medical simulation field so I happen to have lots of very realistic and disturbing props around... Now let the snooping guest get a shock they deserve and hopefully learn their lesson, and also possibly need to report what they found (or what the THINK they found... think realistic, not real) and thus outing themselves as a snoop. Obviously it doesn't have to be a fake hand, the idea is to pull the snoop out of his or her comfort zone, teach them a lesson and hopefully you will never have this problem with them again.

amother

Mint

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 2:03 pm

Op, im a very private person and am horrified for you that this happenned to you. You said she always knows everyones finances...so clearly she has been doing this for years, going to stay at ppls houses and then getting uo when everyone is sleeping, and looking through their financial documents.

She is obviously not completely all there such that she needs help and would probably deny it even with a camera playing with her doing it. Unfortunately, I have a relative who everyone thinks is nice and normal but the things she did to me are not normal but shell keep denying it.

These ppl need help and if she did it all these years, its now the usual modus operandi for her and next time she goes to you shell find a way to get through locks and get her "thrill" of snooping or stealing...

I would think twice before having her over. Im sorry you went through this. I can definitely understand how you are feeling, that you worked so hard all this time preparing/cooking for pesach and invited her over and this is what she does to you. Horrible!!

DrMom

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 2:59 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

I don't know why you must have this snooping guest over again, you are clearly a bigger person than I am, but sometimes it pays to think outside of the box.
When my teenage daughter who is in a high-school dorm that sometimes has paying guests staying in the rooms complained that she had evidence that the personal closets, which were locked and clearly marked not for guests use, were being opened, looked through and locked again (doesn't say much for the locks), after trying other options I suggested to her to take a fake amputated hand or something equally shocking and put it just inside her locked closet before she leaves. I work in the medical simulation field so I happen to have lots of very realistic and disturbing props around... Now let the snooping guest get a shock they deserve and hopefully learn their lesson, and also possibly need to report what they found (or what the THINK they found... think realistic, not real) and thus outing themselves as a snoop. Obviously it doesn't have to be a fake hand, the idea is to pull the snoop out of his or her comfort zone, teach them a lesson and hopefully you will never have this problem with them again.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 5:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think this is worse. You could have stared at her when you first discovered it without you saying anything.

Don't have her back to your house.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 5:54 pm

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

When I was in the hospital in EY and suspected the Arabs of stealing my stuff , I made them some surprises I.e. filled a milk bottle with salt or shampoo with mud and within a few days the stealing stopped.

There must be a less racist way of telling this story. How would you feel if someone told a similar story about “the Jews”?

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 6:02 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

There must be a less racist way of telling this story. How would you feel if someone told a similar story about “the Jews”?

Seriously? You must not live in Israel. It even says in Chumash about Yishmael that they are theives and their hands are in everything .

The clear proof that the Arabs were taking things was when I watched them spitting out my food. It turned into a whole hospital joke where anyone who stored things in the communal fridge would make a good bottle and a bad bottle and make a siman on it.

It was bad enough that I was forced to have an Arab roommate stealing my stuff , at least I taught her a lesson.

Rappel

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 6:18 pm

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

I'm impressed.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Apr 23 2019, 6:30 pm

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

I’ve lived in Israel for 26 years. I’m sure you realize Jews steal too. Just take a look at the imamother archives for various stories.

groisamomma

Wed, Apr 24 2019, 6:29 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

There must be a less racist way of telling this story. How would you feel if someone told a similar story about “the Jews”?

Yes, we know there are horrible Jews. Possibly more evil than all the other nations! Thank you for pointing out what all of us overlook: That our fellow yidden are thieves, lowlifes, and of course...racists.

Why are you amother? If you're going to nitpick please do it under your sn.