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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Rubs me wrong, but is it really?
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urban gypsy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 25 2019, 9:19 am
MommyT17! wrote:
I have seen in an 8 year old this behavior where they argued with me, opened my freezer, announced by food was “ew” and wanted candies or an ice pop - told me how to prepare my food for “next time” to her personal preference lol. I was taken back. But she’s 8... and clearly isn’t being told it’s not ok. That’s her mother’s / fathers responsibility. Not sure if the mom was aware but I would NEVER want my child to talk like that ever.


I think this is the behaviour OP and I are trying to convey.
I can't imagine any Jewish mom would resent feeding a kid who was hungry!
Some of the stories told here are chilling! So very sad.
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Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 25 2019, 12:10 pm
I grew up with very, very reserved parents who trained me never to ask for anything as a guest. They treated every play date as a formal occasion, prepping me in advance about all the etiquette land mines I might encounter.

So when my kids were little, it was quite a shock to see the variety of behaviors that waltzed through the door.

Some of the kids weren't especially demanding; they just felt really, really comfortable in my home. I chose to take that as a compliment, and as they got older, I returned the sentiment. If they wanted something to drink, I encouraged them to get it themselves! Win-win!

Some of the kids had the bratty, entitled behavior Urban Gypsy describes, but I found they tended to be in two distinct camps: some were just bratty. Others, though, had been encouraged by their parents to be assertive in stating their needs and desires, and they hadn't quite calibrated their behavior yet.

Looking back, the bratty kids tended to become less bratty over time, and the assertive kids tended to tone it down a little. Most are good people today. Now, if only we could all get our adult guests to behave!
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Thu, Apr 25 2019, 12:33 pm
Dh and I are both very reserved, shy types. Most of our kids are the same. But, one ds, not sure where he came from lol.

Several years ago, when he was about 5, I picked him up from a play date. His friend's mother said, Oh he's adorable! Right away I thought, Uh oh. What did he say this time??

She'd asked him if he wanted a snack. He said, "Yes, can I please have an apple, peeled and sliced, with a cup of juice?" And if that weren't enough, he added, "My mother never peels my apples because she doesn't like to waste her energy" !! embarrassed TMI

Eta. The truth is (as many mortifying moments as I've had with that ds), knowing how to speak up is a good thing. Being afraid to ask for a drink if you're thirsty is something that you'd want to work with a child on overcoming. Understanding the difference between being politely assertive and being considerate is pretty subtle, and it takes years of constant discussion. Hopefully with time they'll get it.
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nchr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 25 2019, 12:38 pm
If this is an official playdate, then it is expected to feed her. Our fridge and pantries are open to everyone all the time and we dont save special foods - in fact, if we really wanted something we love sharing it with guests. I have taught our children to not open others cabinets and fridges without permission, but a child should communicate if they are hungry. You can remind her to go home or say no to cutting up fruits or any other requests.
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