Is seminary necessary for a Shidduch?

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:42 pm

DD is having second thoughts about going to seminary. DH thinks it's necessary for a shidduch. DD has beautiful midos and will go if I tell her I think she should go. BH the money is not a factor in the decision making.

DD is beautiful, slim, and has a nice figure. She is genuinely a nice girl, and she is modest.

ETA: took out the word curvy since it triggers so many of you.

singleagain

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:46 pm

Don't Force your kid to go if she didn't want to. If you force her, she will probably be inspected and resentful.. it can really be a negative experience instead of a positive one

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:46 pm

She doesn't must go to seminary but I'm sure there are boys that davka want a girl that went to seminary. (Don't ask me why, that's how it is.)
It's also not necessary for a shidduch to be beautiful, slim, and "curvy". It won't make it or break it.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

DD is having second thoughts about going to seminary. DH thinks it's necessary for a shidduch. DD has beautiful midos and will go if I tell her I think she should go. BH the money is not a factor in the decision making.

DD is beautiful, slim, and curvy. She is genuinely a nice girl, and she is modest.

Short answer - no.

But what circles are you in. Does 'EVERYONE' go in your circle, and she'll be the only one not going ?

SuperWify

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:47 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Lol. Curvy??

Really.

Is her resume going to have her cup size written?

Op is this question legit?

Rubber Ducky

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:48 pm

I'm the mother of sons (1 married and the other too old for your daughter) and do not think it is necessary. Sounds like nearly all of her friends will be in sem next year. What would she like to do instead?

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:49 pm

singleagain wrote:

Don't Force your kid to go if she didn't want to. If you force her, she will probably be inspected and resentful.. it can really be a negative experience instead of a positive one

She isn't opposed. She is ambivalent. I wouldn't force her.

dancingqueen

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:50 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Lol. Curvy??

Really.

Is her resume going to have her cup size written?

Op is this question legit?

Seriously right? If she was flat chested she would have to go but since she’s curvy... LOL

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:51 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Lol. Curvy??

Really.

Is her resume going to have her cup size written?

Op is this question legit?

Of course it will. We will do a swimsuit shot for her profile picture, and I will attach my brokerage statement as an addendum.

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:54 pm

Rubber Ducky wrote:

Her entire class is going and all her friends outside of school are also going. She would go to college instead which she would do anyway the year following seminary.

amother

Brown

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

DD is having second thoughts about going to seminary. DH thinks it's necessary for a shidduch. DD has beautiful midos and will go if I tell her I think she should go. BH the money is not a factor in the decision making.

DD is beautiful, slim, and curvy. She is genuinely a nice girl, and she is modest.

Absolutely not necessary even though the whole world yelled at me for not going because I was "ruining my shidduch chances"

Im from monsey, litvish/yeshivish circles. I went to college instead, not even local sem. I had a degree earlier than my friends, and supported my kolel husband with it.

I actually had no trouble finding shidduchim (and believe it or not my parents had very little money. No yichus either). I got engaged when I was 20, one of the first in my grade, to an amazing guy BH.

So....no. not at ALL necessary. Belief in Hashem is necessary, seminary not.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Her entire class is going and all her friends outside of school are also going. She would go to college instead which she would do anyway the year following seminary.

I'm in shidduchim now, and it makes no difference at all to me.

To me, this is a great opportunity to teach her to do some introspection and decide to do what she truly wants. Not just to do stuff because everyone else is doing it.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, May 01 2019, 4:59 pm

OP, why did you mention that she's curvy and then making fun of it yourself??
A girl being beautiful, slim, and curvy doesn't mean that she has an ez-pass.

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 5:00 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

Seriously right? If she was flat chested she would have to go but since she’s curvy... LOL

Why did come here to mock? It is hard to give the facts necessary to get a meaningful opinion. My daughter has the attributes that are attractive to guys. She also has the character that is attractive to guys and their mothers. It's a full picture when someone is picking a mate.

Mock all you want, but attraction is important in a mate. Why do you think pictures and dress size is asked for?

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 5:05 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Thank you for sharing your story. Was there something that compensated for seminary like you were studying for a money making profession? I am trying to get a feel for what attributes are important.

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 5:08 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Sorry OP, but it's weird for a mother to advertise her daughter as curvy.

Not advertising. She isn't in the market for a shidduch.

amother

Wed, May 01 2019, 5:11 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

OP, why did you mention that she's curvy and then making fun of it yourself??
A girl being beautiful, slim, and curvy doesn't mean that she has an ez-pass.

If a girl is beautiful, slim, and curvy with beautiful midos and comes from a nice family who can provide for the couple, does she get am ex-pass then?

JoyInTheMorning

Wed, May 01 2019, 5:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

DD is beautiful, slim, and curvy. She is genuinely a nice girl, and she is modest.

For your daughter's own good, you need to find ways of describing her that let her personality and character shine. This description does not do that.