Opionions wanted - high school girl funding her own tuition

amother

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:31 am

I've been having the following discussion and wonder what you all think.

Is it ok to ask of a high school girl, who worked in summer in her own school's daycamp, to forfeit her pay so her parents can get a credit towards to her tuition.

The family is middle class and struggling with high tuition bills, but not poor.

Opionions please.

trixx

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:33 am

Unless this is a special and sensitive girl... With a close and loving relationship with her parents and family... And the conversation will be presented properly, respectfully and be totally her choice...

No. You will scar her for life. It is not your daughter's responsibility to pay for your expenses. She is earning her own money so she doesn't have to ask you for it and so she can learn financial responsibility. No matter what your situation is, a teenager should not be taking care of her parents.

OOTforlife

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:34 am

I'm open to hearing other perspectives, but my first reaction is that it's not OK. Children are not responsible for paying for necessities and should not be made to do so unless there is a real dire need, like starvation.

Edit: if the tuition was for something extra, like an expensive horseback riding camp, then I think it would be OK. But rent, food, basic clothes, and day school tuition are parents' responsibilities.

Last edited by OOTforlife on Fri, May 03 2019, 11:36 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:35 am

absolutely not. what a way to scar a child and create money issues when she is an adult. if you are her parent, you pay for her schooling. your child, your responsibility.

amother

Violet

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:36 am

Please don't do this unless there is really no other option and it's presented after discussion with a professional.
Teens are still children and school is a basic necessitiy like food and housing

amother

Vermilion

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I grew up very poor. My parents did not ask me for the money I made in the summer to pay tuition.
Day camps pay so little, and the girls work like dogs. I say let her keep her money.

PinkFridge

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:41 am

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Please don't do this unless there is really no other option and it's presented after discussion with a professional.
Teens are still children and school is a basic necessitiy like food and housing

I wouldn't say a professional. I would say family rav, school principal, and tuition committee.
OP, I don't know how helpful the community is. If they are but this hypothetical couple don't want to take tzedaka money they need to reframe their thinking. The community is investing in their daughter and them for the greater good of their community and klal Yisrael. Maybe the parents can barter some services.

This seems like a very unusual situation.

allthingsblue

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:49 am

No I don't think it would be fair.
Parents can choose to live elsewhere for cheaper tuition (Lakewood, israel...)

amother

Babypink

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:49 am

I personally think that if the situation is not unbearable then pleas don't make her pay it! the girls get close to nothing from day camp etc. and like you wouldn't tell her to pay for her food dont make her pay for school.........!

esuss

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:51 am

I would not require a high school girl pay for her tuition but I would recommend to her that she save as much as possible to help pay for higher vocational training in the future.

amother

Yellow

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:52 am

It seems very unfair to do this unless you give her another option like attending public school so that she can get an education without having to pay for it out of her meager earnings.

SixOfWands

Fri, May 03 2019, 11:56 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If the tuition credit is more than the girl would receive in cash payments, then the child should forego pay and be reimbursed in the amount of the cash payments by her parents.

Or if the family was in dire financial need, and these funds are the difference between eating and not eating.

Otherwise, not.

familyfirst

Fri, May 03 2019, 12:30 pm

Don't count on the parents paying her back. Obviously the money isn't there and it creates a weird dynamic for a parent to owe money to a teenager

amother

Indigo

Fri, May 03 2019, 12:41 pm

NO. my father did that to me. That (and other similar things) caused me to have no relationship with him whatsoever.

keym

Fri, May 03 2019, 12:53 pm

No.
Day camp counselors usually get paid very poorly for the work put in.
If finances are such that the teen needs to help "pitch in" a conversation needs to happen. The teen would probably choose to work for a local pizza place or grocery store and likely make more rather than the get paid peanuts for the day camp job.

amother

Bronze

Fri, May 03 2019, 12:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No but if you insist that your daughter pays for her own school then would you be ok if she picks another high school or even public school? Its your choice to send her to the school you did, its your obligation to pay for it. If she pays for it then why should she stick to this school instead of going to a different one?