S/o seminary necessary? Did you go to seminary?

amother

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:06 pm

I specifically am curious to hear from those that went to seminary in Israel.
Would you say that your seminary experience changed you/ was beneficial in the long term?

I did not attend seminary in Israel (I did go to a local half day seminary) and I would really like to know if it is really a life changing, "everyone must go experience".

amother

Purple

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:09 pm

There’s nothing ‘everyone must have’.
But yes seminary is still many year later one of the best things I ever did bh.

Like most thugs I think this depends on ppls individual circumstances...

amother

Blue

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:27 pm

It's been many years and yes, seminary changed my life. I went "for shidduchim" with my parents' endorsement. I went as a sweet, naive, innocent child. And I came back as a bitter, cynical, miserable adult. So it is life changing. But it can go both ways.

1ofbillions

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:36 pm

I 100% agree that it depends on people's life circumstances.

People often say that girls with dysfunctional families stand to benefit from seminary the most, as opposed to girls coming from healthy families. I was told that in high school, and looked forward to sem being a life altering positive experience.

Unfortunately, being in sem only made triggered the emotional issues I developed as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional environment. I was severely depressed in seminary - think self harming, using my ipod on shabbos, and contemplating jumping off of the dorm roof every night. I couldn't handle the new environment, social pressure, pressure to find shabbos and yom tov plans etc.

Also, I was terrified about starting real life after sem - that's pretty much all I thought about. I didn't want to be religious - all of the classes I went to in sem just triggered my hatred of Judaism, as they all seemed to support the patriarchal kind of family I grew up in. My teachers would say things like "women should compromise" and "isha ksheira oseh rtzon baalah" and I'd picture my mother being beat up by my father and not standing up for herself. Obviously that's not what teachers were advocating for, but I was super triggered by the attitudes they taught.

It didn't help that the therapist I went to and my seminary principal told me that I have a victim mentality and it's unattractive - I should stop feeling sad about the past and stop being so negative. They meant to empower me, but it felt so invalidating and just plain mean.

I'm friends with several people who had emotionally scarring childhoods, and all of them had the same awful sem experience as me. The therapists that their seminaries recommended were awful, they were emotionally triggered by everything, and they came out of it feeling like their money had been completely wasted.

That being said, nostalgia (only remembering the positive aspects of a past time period) is real! I retroactively really appreciate having spent a year in Israel, and having met so many new people of all types. Also, I'm still close with some of the friends I made in sem.

So I have very mixed feelings about sem.

amother

Bronze

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:41 pm

It was fantastic and life changing for me and all of my close friends. I’m so glad I got to go.

amother

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:43 pm

Wow, so interesting to see the different replies.
Can those who said it was life changing, in what way?

amother

Green

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:54 pm

I went many years ago and it was definitely a formative experience. I think the fact that I now live in Israel has a lot to do with my experience. It gave me confidence to learn independently. Also, I'm still close to a few of the friends I made that year.

naturalmom5

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:55 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

I have heard this from many women
So I'm happy I didn't go there

I went to chabad sem in Brooklyn
I came in as a secular Jew and came out a very committed enthusiastic frum young lady
It was actually marrying and living in Lakewood for 27 years that made me bitter and cynical

amother

Smokey

Sat, May 04 2019, 11:58 pm

I went to seminary and maintain my stance that its a gorified , expensive social experience for those that are not true academics. for those that are, a year of college can offer alot more than a seminary experience. There are shiurim available in most communities for students that want to further their judaic studies.

amother

Bronze

Sun, May 05 2019, 12:00 am

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

It probably depends on the seminary.

amother

Navy

Sun, May 05 2019, 12:01 am

I went, 20+ years ago. It made me want to make Aliyah which is how I met DH, so it was definitely life changing for me.
Still in touch with good friends I met in sem.

paperflowers

Sun, May 05 2019, 12:10 am

Seminary was valuable. It’s hard for me to say concretely what I got out of it, but I’m glad I went. Not everyone needs it.

I didn’t like many things about the place I went, but it was great in other ways. I’m sure I’d still be a good Jew if I hadn’t gone, but it gave me time to think about my priorities, even if some of those have changed since. And I loved being in Israel. It’s not the same as going for a ten week trip or even for the summer.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, May 05 2019, 12:14 am

I’m Chabad but from an ‘out of town’ community, so the chabad school is a real mix of people from all backgrounds.

Seminary really helped me feel more connected and a part of the wider chabad community. It was a time and place to cement my beliefs and ideals. Also really took my learning to a whole new level.

That immersive ‘bubble’ experience can really lend itself to growth in a way like nothing else can.

And the experience of living independently in Israel (without major concerns or worries) with friends was incredible.

amother

Pink

Sun, May 05 2019, 12:57 am

I went to seminary 15 years ago and had a good experience. However, I don’t think it is necessary at all and I do not plan on sending my girls. I would love for them to do a half day local sem program and start college and or
Get a job.

Rappel

Sun, May 05 2019, 5:07 am

It completely changed my life.

My plan was to make boatloads of money as a mechanical engineer, buy a ranch in Texas, and then retire to my ranch/Tiger sanctuary.

Today, I'm a SAHM mom of 2 in Itamar. I think things worked out nicely.

Thank you, seminary.

Ruchel

Sun, May 05 2019, 5:30 am

Didn't go (rabbi held it was for girls needing reinforce/teaching) and dont think it's needed at all - not at allon level of yeshiva which is also not needed if you get taught otherwise

amother

Royalblue

Sun, May 05 2019, 6:21 am

At that time I liked it (2 years in sem). But in retrospect it have very negative feelings about the brainwashing that's going on there and stupid statements like:
Mental health issues can be solved by learning Torah because EVERYTHING is in the Torah.
I definitely won't send my daughters to sem.. it took my years of therapy to get over the stuff I was being told in EY.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, May 05 2019, 7:35 am

I went to sem! It was soooooo much fun. I really just went for the fun. It's 13th grade- It was not life changing at all lol. (Besides for the fact that I made friends that Im still besties with today).

amother

Aqua

Sun, May 05 2019, 7:39 am

I'm torn about seminary. On the one hand it was an amazing year and created the circle of friends I now have, it was amazing to experience Israel that way, I met many incredible people who changed my outlook on life and I did learn quite a bit. On the other hand, the seminary I went to really didn't teach enough about hashkafa of life as a women and how to navigate the mundane with an elevated outlook which is really what I went to seminary for. It bothers me a lot that now as a wife and mother with no time to eat, let alone learn, I have nothing to remember for inspiration

amother

Brown

Sun, May 05 2019, 8:01 am

I think for me it was good.
I had a hard time always fitting in. I made friends there that helped shape me. They are some of my closest friends today. Some of the classes I still look back to today - those are the in depth classes and classes on the truth of science and evolution

I don’t remember it being degrading on women. Like rav ganz used to say that a husband should make tea for his wife as she relaxes before candle lighting. Maybe not a realistic idea , but nice. I think o mention it to my husband every week 20 years later.

I wonder if not having cell phones is A big difference in the experience.