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Work Dilemma: What do I do in this situation?



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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:15 am
I earned a distinguished award at work recently and, as per tradition, my boss is taking me out for lunch. From what I've heard, it's a fancy place at a country club.

She was so nice and asked me last week what kosher means and how she can accommodate me to make this work. She called the country club but there is no kosher option; however, they did tell her that they would allow me to bring my own food.

What do I do?? I never went to a country club so I have no idea what the atmosphere is like. I can't just drink a bottle of water and watch her eat! What do I bring? Is it fancy, like china dishes type? Then can I eat on plastic? Cold lunch? Bring my own silverware and china plate or use plasticware? Do I ask them to heat something up for me double wrapped and then serve it on my own plate?

Soooooo awkward...can someone who was in a similar situation advise me please?

(Oh, and what do I even wear? Heels? Black dress? Regular work sweater and top?)
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OOTforlife




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:20 am
Given that it's supposed to be a fancy lunch to treat you personally, I think it is acceptable to ask the country club to obtain a double wrapped meal from a local kosher restaurant or caterer (you give the name) and provide fancy disposables (may come with the wrapped meal). If you're nervous about the heating process, order something cold like an entree salad.

If it was a group lunch for everyone for some random reason, I'd just tell you to eat beforehand and enjoy a beer with the team. But it sounds like the purpose is to treat and spoil the winner as a special reward, so they will probably be more comfortable if you allow them to do so.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:29 am
Seems very odd to treat someone and not have an option that they can eat.

I would say maybe order a fruit platter or have the club order a special meal from a kosher place.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:34 am
Congratulations on your award!

Wear "better" businesswear for a weekday lunch.

Are you the only honoree? If so, ask your boss if you could celebrate at an upscale kosher (or at least reasonably nice) restaurant, if there is one in your vicinity.

If you are going with disposables, bring the fancy kind. I don't know if your boss will be eating off elegant china or regular restaurant plates, but either way it won't be plastic.

Having endured a few disappointing (described mildly!) kosher business meals recently, I have to say you're probably better off without the packaged-and-reheated meal, although it does seem strange to bring your own food to your own celebration.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:35 am
OOTforlife wrote:
Given that it's supposed to be a fancy lunch to treat you personally, I think it is acceptable to ask the country club to obtain a double wrapped meal from a local kosher restaurant or caterer (you give the name) and provide fancy disposables (may come with the wrapped meal). If you're nervous about the heating process, order something cold like an entree salad.

If it was a group lunch for everyone for some random reason, I'd just tell you to eat beforehand and enjoy a beer with the team. But it sounds like the purpose is to treat and spoil the winner as a special reward, so they will probably be more comfortable if you allow them to do so.


The country club offered to let bring her own food. They aren't offering to obtain it for her.

OP should get her meal delivered there from an upscale kosher place. If the boss offers to pay, great.

Her food can be served along with boss's.
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ivfhelp




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:36 am
I would bring a lunch. I have had too many experiences where the kosher option was opened before I got it. It then becomes hard to explain why you are not eating a lunch that they went out of their way to order.
Your boss knows you keep kosher. She's the one that matters. Everyone else is the county club does not. You can use plastic.
I would dress a little nicer than you usually do.
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OOTforlife




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:39 am
Squishy wrote:
The country club offered to let bring her own food. They aren't offering to obtain it for her.

OP should get her meal delivered there from an upscale kosher place. If the boss offers to pay, great.

Her food can be served along with boss's.

In my experience, upscale places are perfectly capable of procuring items from local vendors, whether it's a cake or a kosher meal. But if the place is not really that upscale, or they object to the idea on principle, then yes, she can offer to get it delivered herself.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:40 am
I would bring along a cold easy to eat lunch (sushi or a salad/ wrap or a fish plate). In plastic packed esthetically - I’m in monsey I usually send my husband one of the ready packaged meals from evergreen. With cutlery.
He’s a guy so he wears a suit but I’m assuming u can’t go wrong with sport elegant (a pretty skirt and sweater with heels or a dress with flats maybe)
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:47 am
They said I can bring along, they didn't offer to order for me. All the division heads are taking out their honorees but I think we sit at different, individual tables. Yes, I believe my boss is paying but the upper-ups pull the strings so she's doing the best she can. I like the fancy disposables idea. Cold salad is a good suggestion because it avoids microwaving the food. Sushi is also a great idea! Should I give it to the waiter beforehand to serve on my plates when he serves her? I guess I can ask for a closed bottled water or bring one along. Water or soda? Not alcoholic.

Thank you for your help ladies. I'm really worried about this because as it is I don't have much in common with her and whenever we are alone it's kind of awkward.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 8:59 am
If waiter serves your food for you they will open it. It becomes a problem if it's meat or fish if it's not sealed. This halacha is too avoid confusion & mixing up with treif meat.

They also might put it onto their own trief trays or right next to the trief meat on same tray.
Even if you give them your own dishes to serve it on, they might use their own utensils to handle the food to place it on your dishes.

If you don't see what they are doing in the kitchen you can't trust it.

When served to you it needs to be in original packaging double wrapped & sealed to be kosher
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believeit




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:05 am
Can't you ask her to take you to a chick kosher place? Would be something different for her as well...
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:13 am
I once saw a person who brought her own food to a kosher wedding she brought it in a nice white basket .
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:22 am
Quote:
She was so nice and asked me last week what kosher means and how she can accommodate me to make this work.


So she doesn't have a clue.

Tell her that to best accommodate you (the award winner) the special lunch should be at a kosher restaurant.

(If this can't be arranged - I would personally just pass on the whole thing. What is special for you about bringing in cold food into a fancy country club that you are uncomfortable being it?)
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:23 am
As others have said, bring something with you. Something that can be eaten cold is best. Avoid sandwiches if you think getting up to wash might be an issue. A salad or sushi is a great idea. When they take your order, ask for a drink, and say “that’s it for me”. If they press you, you can say something like “I keep kosher, I brought my own food”, but they probably won’t even ask. Are you comfortable using the restaurants glasses for cold liquid? If you order diet soda it usually comes with a lemon in the glass, so specify no lemon. If you don’t want to use their glasses you can ask for a bottle of water, but they may not have individual bottles- bring one with you just in case. Then when the waiter brings your boss’s meal, pull out your lunch as well. I’ve been in the situation a lot, and people tend to be very understanding and don’t really think twice about it.
Don’t bring your own China. Regular plastic is fine. Try to avoid something with a lot of wrapping so you don’t have a pile of foil in front of you.

I assume you’re going out mid-day and going to the office before and after the lunch? If so, wear something you’d usually wear to work, or maybe slightly nicer.

Good luck, and congrats on the award!
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cbsp




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:30 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They said I can bring along, they didn't offer to order for me. All the division heads are taking out their honorees but I think we sit at different, individual tables. Yes, I believe my boss is paying but the upper-ups pull the strings so she's doing the best she can. I like the fancy disposables idea. Cold salad is a good suggestion because it avoids microwaving the food. Sushi is also a great idea! Should I give it to the waiter beforehand to serve on my plates when he serves her? I guess I can ask for a closed bottled water or bring one along. Water or soda? Not alcoholic.

Thank you for your help ladies. I'm really worried about this because as it is I don't have much in common with her and whenever we are alone it's kind of awkward.


Mazal Tov!

Please consult your LOR. There are so many halachos involved in your scenario and unless you know exactly what they are you won't realize that something's problematic until too late.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:31 am
I've twice had to attend a not kosher work event at an upscale steak house. Both times a nearby kosher, basically fast food type restaurant provided a packaged salmon and salad lunch with kosher tape. My understanding was that the kosher restaurant had done this before and was quite used to it. Maybe call a kosher restaurant nearby and ask.
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 9:44 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Quote:
She was so nice and asked me last week what kosher means and how she can accommodate me to make this work.


So she doesn't have a clue.

Tell her that to best accommodate you (the award winner) the special lunch should be at a kosher restaurant.

(If this can't be arranged - I would personally just pass on the whole thing. What is special for you about bringing in cold food into a fancy country club that you are uncomfortable being it?)


Nope, she has no clue what it means. Neither does anyone else, since I'm the only Jewish employee. She's stuck. The business reserves the country club for honorees of every division to attend so she and I can't exactly ditch that affair to come eat in a kosher restaurant. We have to participate in the other parts of the affair as well.

When I got the invite, I asked a close colleague (non-Jewish) if she thinks I can pass on it. She said absolutely not, it's socially off.

I think I'll run it by my LOR as someone said. I can't wait for it to be over.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 10:52 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They said I can bring along, they didn't offer to order for me. All the division heads are taking out their honorees but I think we sit at different, individual tables. Yes, I believe my boss is paying but the upper-ups pull the strings so she's doing the best she can. I like the fancy disposables idea. Cold salad is a good suggestion because it avoids microwaving the food. Sushi is also a great idea! Should I give it to the waiter beforehand to serve on my plates when he serves her? I guess I can ask for a closed bottled water or bring one along. Water or soda? Not alcoholic.

Thank you for your help ladies. I'm really worried about this because as it is I don't have much in common with her and whenever we are alone it's kind of awkward.


You keep the bag of food by you, order water (I’ve never heard of not drinking cold water from a glass...). Don’t get the waiter involved or make it a discussion. When her food arrives you take out yours and open it, I would not bring fancy plastic just cutlery, just eat it from the container. Makes sure it’s packed well in minimalistic and esthetic packaging (if ur in the tri state most grocery stores have well packed takeout). If I were you I would bring a Sushi for appetizer and then a salad with salamon for my main. Both cold and not messy.
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cbsp




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 10 2019, 11:07 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
You keep the bag of food by you, order water (I’ve never heard of not drinking cold water from a glass...). Don’t get the waiter involved or make it a discussion. When her food arrives you take out yours and open it, I would not bring fancy plastic just cutlery, just eat it from the container. Makes sure it’s packed well in minimalistic and esthetic packaging (if ur in the tri state most grocery stores have well packed takeout). If I were you I would bring a Sushi for appetizer and then a salad with salamon for my main. Both cold and not messy.


This is why asking an LOR is important, to get the exact guidelines.

I was expected to join my team in a celebratory lunch at a nice Spanish restaurant. I was the lone orthodox Jew. My plan was to order some kind of drink and bring my own food. For some reason I thought I should ask a shaylah. My Rov paskened that due to Maris Ayin I'd be able to order a can of soda but any food I bring (even with my own utensils) must be distinctively different than any food item the place might potentially serve. So any type of real food was out. I "enjoyed" a granola bar and a can of diet coke.

Amother Brown, your recommendations to OP are most likely fine from a kashrus perspective but there are other factors to consider which is why an LOR is important. The Rov can factor in all that is known about the situation and decide on a halachically sound approach. Why rely on "I've never heard of"?

Hatzlachah OP! It must be so frustrating to have earned a deserved award only to dread the celebration...
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