If you have a 2 yo when do you shower on Friday?

amother

Oak

Sun, May 12 2019, 8:11 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

Well, if it was on a different thread, and was not quoted here, that’s a totally different discussion. I don’t think it should be done on a regular basis, but I legit had no problem when my husband would take a shower on Friday with our 6 year old, because he had fallen through the cracks and hadn’t had a shower 10 minutes before shabbos. Again, not on a regular basis, but occasionally. I don’t think it’s ok to go strutting your stuff around in front of your kids, but I also don’t think it’s the end of the world if they see something occasionally. Also, when my kids ask questions, I answer them. Yea, I don’t want my kid playing with my nipples just because, but I don’t have a problem with my kids asking about it, or any other part of anatomy.

Dh remembers taking baths with his father for this reason until around age 4 or 5. And no nothing zxual about it.

amother

Red

Sun, May 12 2019, 8:39 pm

Nothing to do with it being s*xual, it's just not appropriate or respectful. Imo. And as mentioned earlier, not condoned halachically, read up on the commentaries about the story of Noach and his sons. I think it is Rashi that says a son should not see his father's nakedness.

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 12 2019, 11:57 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

Mommy2b3c, doesn't matter the age, even at 3 it's just as inappropriate as at 12. Why would a sane parent want their child to have their naked mom etched in their minds and memory? It's plain disgusting.

I guess I’m insane. Oh well.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:01 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

This is correct. Exposure of adult genitals and female breasts to a child is a form of s-xual abuse.
I'm not sure at what age this is applicable, but certainly the concept is valid, and needs to be considered, in the context of showering with a child

Well I only stopped nursing him 3 months ago. I guess that was abusive too. Oy.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:13 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

My youngest is turning 3 this week, she still nurses a couple times a day. I’m super abusive.

Me too. Maybe we should form a club or something. Ironically, I’m pretty sure these anothers are really messing up their children’s body image and future s-x lives. Extremes are never healthy.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:23 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Me too. Maybe we should form a club or something. Ironically, I’m pretty sure these anothers are really messing up their children’s body image and future s-x lives. Extremes are never healthy.

I have a feeling they are also the ones who never talk to their kids about their bodies or body parts, or zex, or any of that....

amother

Tangerine

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:42 am

[deleted by mod] ...A good mother is willing to consider all aspects of a situation, is willing to discuss issues sensitively and wisely, and is willing to admit when she may be doing something that is not in her child's best interest.

Just something to think about in terms of this topic as well as your approach to chinuch in general.

From Imamother rules: 1. Treat each other with dignity and respect...Launching personal attacks against another member is unacceptable. — Rubber Ducky as Mod

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:47 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

...A good mother is willing to consider all aspects of a situation, is willing to discuss issues sensitively and wisely, and is willing to admit when she may be doing something that is not in her child's best interest.

Just something to think about in terms of this topic as well as your approach to chinuch in general.

Your rude and nasty attitude, your harsh judgment,and your refusal to state your personal beliefs with your own screen name makes me think that your the last person I should be taking chinuch advice from.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:52 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Thank you for telling me, as another no less, that I am a lousy mother.
Willing to discuss (which, by the way, I have done) doesn’t mean that I will end up agreeing with you. You do not get to decide for me what is in my child’s best interest. I know my children, I know the ins and outs of their lives. You are more than welcome to come to my house and observe, but don’t sit there, hiding behind anonymous, and tell me I’m a lousy mother. You have no clue.
It saddens me to see that there are really so many people who judge those who think and act differently than they do.
Feel free to continue to think I am abusing my children. I know I am not. My children are perfectly healthy, and anyone who knows me can tell you that.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:55 am

And a good mother knows she's not a perfect mother, is allowed to make mistakes, and acknowledges when she is wrong.

I hope there are competent mentors in your life that you are willing to take advice from and are willing to consider your actions with

amother

Tangerine

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:57 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

When it comes to actions that many people are agreeing that is possibly abusive, and you are not willing to hear it or consider it... judgement is called for.
Yes, we cannot stand by and ignore when children may be getting hurt

Tangerine, I haven't read the whole thread (yet), but you need to have the courage to use your screen name if you're going to post comments like this. — Rubber Ducky as Mod

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:58 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

So basically, I am wrong because you said so?

Interesting.

I think you are wrong. and if you were truly a good mother, you would admit it right here,right now,just because I said so.

amother

Lavender

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:59 am

Mommy3b2c and Ema of 4, I think that you very well know that there's a healthy normal medium between your kids seeing you naked and discussing your nipples with you & not educating your kids about their bodies. It's not either or.... there's a healthy way of doing things. Extreme can go both ways.
How do you know that your kids seeing you naked is at their best interest??? You're not even giving them a choice in the matter. Most normal kids have a sense of tzenuis and privacy and would feel uncomfortable seeing their parents naked. As frum jews, we have the midda of tzenuis. We need to teach our kids that our bodies are private. If not, if they were to chas veshalom get molested or abused they would think it's 100% normal because totty and mommy do the same!!!
Just as a by the way, when someone is being abusive, they think that what they're doing is normal and appropriate and refuse to listen to others because they supposedly know what's best.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:04 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Please bring me a source. Anything that says showering with a three your old is abusive.
Then we can continue the discussion.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:07 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

I will readily admit that I’m not perfect, and my children will be happy to tell you that I make mistakes :-) what you don’t seem to understand, or want to admit, or want to accept, is that I don’t feel I’m wrong here. Should I stop nursing my three year old? Is that abusive? Should I not discuss body parts and biology with my children when they ask or when they hit a certain stage? Is that abusive? I have a very open and honest relationship with my kids, they know I will discuss anything and everything with them. My 10 and 12 year olds have discussed rape and abortion, because they asked questions. They know their bodies are currently changing, and they know what to expect over the next few years. I discussed Mikva and conception and periods with my then 8/9 year old, because some very nice girl at school decided to miseducate her.
I stand firm in my belief that there is nothing wrong with my husband having taken the occasional shower with my then 6 year old. No amount of calling me a lousy mother will change that.