If you have a 2 yo when do you shower on Friday?

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:10 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

Mommy3b2c and Ema of 4, I think that you cery well know that there's a healthy normal medium between your kids seeing you naked abmnd discussing your nipples with you & not educating your kids about their bodies. It's not either or.... there's a healthy way of doing things. Extreme can go both ways.
How do you know that your kids seeing you naked is at their besg interest??? You're not even giving them a choice in the matter. Most normal kids have a sense of tzenuis and privacy and would feel uncomfortable seeing their parents naked. As frum jews, we have the midda of tzenuis. We need to teach our kids that our bodies are private. If not, if they were to chas veshalom get molested or abused they would think it's 100% normal because totty and mommy do the same!!!
Just as a by the way, when someone is being abusive, they think that what they're doing is normal and appropriate and refuse to listen to others because they supposedly know what's best.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:20 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

I’ve decided I WILL respond to this after all.
You make it sound like I said I force my children to look at me naked on a regular basis, and I force them to be with me when I’m naked. Yea, I agree, that’s abusive.
The difference between taking a shower with my kid because there’s no time for him to do it on his own, and my kid being abused, is the focus and intent. Someone who is abusing my child will touch his private parts, or make him touch theirs, or discuss private parts. This is not at all what happens in our house. IF they showered together (mind you, this was years ago) my son washed himself, my husband washed himself, and they probably didn’t even face each other (because my son hates showers and will only face away from the water)
We don’t have daily conversations about body parts, as you make it seem, but we do have safety conversations, wherein body parts DO get called by their proper names. Studies have shown that this actually puts children at a LOWER risk of being molested. Discussing safe and unsafe touching, safe and unsafe conversations....

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:33 am

Question: (this was brought up earlier, but seems to have been ignored in favor of attacking people)
Many men, mostly chassidish, but others also, take their boys to the Mikva with them. How is this ok? If anything, it’s even WORSE thank the occasional shower with dad, because it’s not just father and son! There are other men there too!! And let’s not discuss how many children have unfortunately been abused at Mikva is.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:37 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

And why do you think it's appropriate to discuss abortion with 10 & 12 year old kids?? And mikvah with even younger kids?? It's nice to be open with your kids, but kids don't need to know everything. Every age has it's stage. Sometimes people can be so open minded that they lose their brains and common sense.

Did you not read what I wrote? Because they asked. I don’t think it’s appropriate to start a discussion with them, but when they come to me asking questions, I answer them, ave appropriately.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:42 am

Out of curiosity, if your 8/9 year old daughter care to you and asked you questions about zex, and you could tell from the questions that her info was wrong, what would you do? Would you correct her, or would you give her the proper, age appropriate, info.
The discussion about Mikva was actually pretty bland. She asked if you have to get naked when you go to the Mikva, I said yes. She asked if anyone goes in with you, I said no. She asked a few more questions, I answered, and she walked away.

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:42 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

I’m wondering why this keeps being ignored.

Moonlight

Mon, May 13 2019, 9:55 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

I'm going to chime in here.
It is not OK. My husband goes to the mikva weekly and said it is not allowed to bring a son with him. He said halachikally, father and son, father and son-in-law, talmid and rebbe, are not allowed to go to mikva together because they are not allowed to see each other undressed. In our community, there is a cut off time on erev shabbos/yt for men to go to mikva and then it is open only to rabbonim as they should not be seen by talmidim.
My husband and his friends go but do not bring the sons. Once sons are bar mitzva, they go themselves. It is not a social event or childcare and little kids do not belong at the mikva.
I agree with imamothers that I am disturbed by the attitudes that it is ok for your children to see you naked. however, I respect the right of those mothers who do so to do their own thing and I don't understand why some imamothers can't accept it and go on with their days.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, May 13 2019, 10:13 am

I was wondering how such a benign thread title got to SEVEN pages.
Here's my 2 cents:
I've nursed kid till almost 4. Kid has no recollection, but even if yes, I'd still do it. I might reevalute based on comfort level unrelated to tznius as well.
Would never shower with a kid, but have taken 2 yr olds into bathroom with me for safety/their comfort level. Was mostly hidden behind shower curtain, but kid def. saw me undressed. Would not take a kid who can talk well and understand and express themselves and have memories. I'm just not comfortable with it, the same way I'm not comfortable being undressed in front of others.
I'm having a hard time understanding how other moms and dads feel comfortable with it, but if they do, I don't see anything abusive about it at all from that vantage point.
Re: Chinuch, it doesn't jibe well with me, but I'm sure we disagree on a zillion other chinuch stuff and I believe every healthy mom and dad has the choice to make their chinuch decisions without my input. Just like I don't ask their input:)

Ema of 5

Mon, May 13 2019, 10:22 am

Moonlight wrote:

First, thank you for answering my question. Second, thank you for doing so under your own name.
My attitude is not that it is ok for my children to see me named. I actually very rarely come out of my room not fully dressed, including having my head covered. My attitude is that, if it happens occasionally, either accidentally or due to circumstances, my children will not be scarred for life.

dancingqueen

Thu, May 16 2019, 6:50 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

And I would shower with a 4 year old dd but be very uncomfortable nursing a child of the same age. We all have different comfort levels with parenting.

Ema of 5

Thu, May 16 2019, 7:06 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

And I would shower with a 4 year old dd but be very uncomfortable nursing a child of the same age. We all have different comfort levels with parenting.

My daughter just turned 3. She still comes with me when I go to the bathroom sometimes. Until now, she nursed when she woke up, when/if she went for a nap, and when she went to sleep at night. I am currently night weaning her. I think morning and naps will phase themselves out.
But it’s already been established in this thread that I am abusive.