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Experienced suffering and later seen why it had to happen?
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, May 12 2019, 11:27 pm
Have you ever gone though a painful period where you or someone you know suffered and later on could be years later, saw why it had to happen, whether in shidduchim, infertility, health, jobs, issues with children, friendships...
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amother




Babypink


Post  Sun, May 12 2019, 11:30 pm
Absolutely. I met DH when I was 38. I went through some insane experiences in my years of shidduchim. We had to be ready for each other and Bh we are so happily married.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 12 2019, 11:40 pm
Sometimes I can see a benefit in it later on. Whether that’s “the reason,” I don’t know. Sometimes I haven’t (yet) understood much or anything about it, but I try to find comfort where I can and trust that Hashem has a reason.
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 12 2019, 11:41 pm
If things were so clear we would lose our bechira.
I see people that go through a lot of suffering and no. Its years later and there's no explaination.

I believe that a finite being can not attempt to understand the workings of an infinite being.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 12 2019, 11:42 pm
Definitely
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amother




Black


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 12:18 am
I haven't had major aha moments of "now I see why that happened," but I can honestly say that everything I've been through has been an amazing learning experience, especially as the passage if time dulls the sharpness of the pain.
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mig100




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 12:21 am
amother [ Black ] wrote:
I haven't had major aha moments of "now I see why that happened," but I can honestly say that everything I've been through has been an amazing learning experience, especially as the passage if time dulls the sharpness of the pain.


Beautiful post!!
Wow!! Love it
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amother




Aqua


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 1:28 am
If things were so clear we would lose our bechira.

Many times things become clear later on - not at the time. Even then, it is almost never a direct connection, but one seen through the lens of bitachon and emuna.

When I was a young adult, my brother did some terrible things, which I found out about after the rest of our community. People were ostracizing me, and I had no idea why. It came to a head when someone started yelling at me at work, and tried to get me fired over what my brother had done. Only then did I find out what was going on. Soon afterwards, a good friend told me about a summer program she was going to in EY, and everyone agreed that I should go, if only to get away from the situation. That summer put me on the path that I am on now, leading to many wonderful changes in my life. I am 100% sure that the yissurim my brother caused for others were NOT in order to send me to EY, but at the same time, it's effects on ME were the direct cause of my decision. Obviously Hashem could have sent me here a different way, But He could also have arranged for people in the community to have more sense than to blame me for my brother's actions!
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grace413




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 2:38 am
I've had some serious difficulties. Years later possible reasons became apparent and that did help me make sense out of things. But I think it's rare that we get even an inkling of why things happen. I very much appreciate that I was granted some insight.
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amother




Violet


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 2:48 am
If something is difficult and we stick with it and are ultimately successful, there is a bigger feeling of pride and increase in self confidence than if we breeze through
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amother




Yellow


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 4:33 am
Having a special needs child. This child brought lots of Brochos into our life. We became part of organizations for chizuk, get to go away for Shabbatons and Mother retreats, kids get to go to Sibshops, they have extra curricular activities and trips from the organizations. I made new quality friends. I get a bigger appreciation for my typical kids and appreciate every new step he takes along the way.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 4:36 am
Having Sholom Bayis issues earlier in our marriage. We worked hard on our marriage, and to mend our relationship, and now it's bh stronger and better than ever. We appreciate each other so much more now. So after all it is a positive, we needed to go through so we can get to this place of true love.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 4:42 am
Having Infertility issues and going through treatments to have our children. Also having miscarriages along the way. As well as having a child with medical issues and other major crisis in life.
Now I can give Chizuk to those going through these very challenges and people feeling comfortable confiding in me. They feel understood and get tremendous Chizuk and Encouragement hearing that there's hope at the end of the tunnel. Iyh, hopefully.
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amother




Forestgreen


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 6:59 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
Absolutely. I met DH when I was 38. I went through some insane experiences in my years of shidduchim. We had to be ready for each other and Bh we are so happily married.


I don't really understand any of these responses, but I'll choose yours. You seem to be saying that while you suffered for a long time waiting for you zevug, it became apparent later on why hashem made this happen as during the waiting years, you both were developing and becoming "ready" for each other.
Why couldn't hashem in his infinite wisdom brought you guys together years ealier and made you both ready? Are you saying hashem couldn't think of any other way to get this shidduch arranged without first having years if suffering? Seems bizarre.
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too tired




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 7:15 am
My friend with a severely underdeveloped child said: I know it's all for our benefit and for a reason, just I'm not in a rush to go up there to find out. If you see the chesed clearly while in this world you are from the lucky ones. Share with us!
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amother




Babypink


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 7:19 am
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
I don't really understand any of these responses, but I'll choose yours. You seem to be saying that while you suffered for a long time waiting for you zevug, it became apparent later on why hashem made this happen as during the waiting years, you both were developing and becoming "ready" for each other.
Why couldn't hashem in his infinite wisdom brought you guys together years ealier and made you both ready? Are you saying hashem couldn't think of any other way to get this shidduch arranged without first having years if suffering? Seems bizarre.

Yes. My DH has to be married to someone else and have children with her and watch her die before he could marry me. Obviously Hashem wanted both of them to go through that, Hashem wanted those children to be born, and Hashem wanted me to go through certain suffering as well before I married DH and had more children.

You don’t believe Hashem can bring together 2 people at any time He wants? Of course He can. Hashem has a plan. Not everyone gets to marry their bashert at age 20. People need to go through suffering alone before they get married. Why does that seem bizarre to you?
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mig100




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 7:21 am
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
I don't really understand any of these responses, but I'll choose yours. You seem to be saying that while you suffered for a long time waiting for you zevug, it became apparent later on why hashem made this happen as during the waiting years, you both were developing and becoming "ready" for each other.
Why couldn't hashem in his infinite wisdom brought you guys together years ealier and made you both ready? Are you saying hashem couldn't think of any other way to get this shidduch arranged without first having years if suffering? Seems bizarre.


Im not the one u were adressing. I understand ur question and often wondered the same.

Like it's nice that u missed the plane and it crashed. Wouldn't it b better if plane never crashes?

Is that similar to what ur trying to say?

I can not claim I have perfect answer. I can see throughout life I've gotten clarity in this. I can expound later.

I also want to say I think ur honesty and openess is great way.
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Yoyo613




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 7:43 am
YES!
Tsadik vera lo rasha vetov lo. Its a question that you are not the first one to ask. It was asked thousands of years ago.This needs a full lesson from someone knowlegeable. If someone remembers the points maybe put it here.

Tomim tihiye im Hashem Elokecho.



Yes We have seen a huge chesed and refuah before the maka. Its too early to put in public but we point out to our family members. Something bad happened. Then it turned out later that Hashem spared us lots of pain and a lot of problems thru that bad.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 7:43 am
grace413 wrote:
I've had some serious difficulties. Years later possible reasons became apparent and that did help me make sense out of things. But I think it's rare that we get even an inkling of why things happen. I very much appreciate that I was granted some insight.


I've been liking posts right and left but re the bolded: The humility, true gratitude, and (no surprise) grace behind this is worthy of being pinned.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Mon, May 13 2019, 7:44 am
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
I don't really understand any of these responses, but I'll choose yours. You seem to be saying that while you suffered for a long time waiting for you zevug, it became apparent later on why hashem made this happen as during the waiting years, you both were developing and becoming "ready" for each other.
Why couldn't hashem in his infinite wisdom brought you guys together years ealier and made you both ready? Are you saying hashem couldn't think of any other way to get this shidduch arranged without first having years if suffering? Seems bizarre.


Why did Avrohom and Sora have to be married for decades before having Yitchok?
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