What to do with a home made gift you don't like

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 10:45 am

Homemade is the wrong word, but I couldn't think of the right one. I mentor, and am a friend to, a non-frum girl who is a talented artist whose pictures sell. I am always encouraging, and I help her with marketing. I often give her little presents like bath salts, Sephora gift card, or jewelry about once a month to let her know I care. She is fragile as she suffers from a panic disorder. She calls me her "person" which I really don't understand.

She wants to show her gratitude by giving me a picture. The canvas is quite large and her style is not my style at all. She keeps telling me to pick my colors.

Suggestions please about the picture. Also what does it mean to be someone's "person"?

groovy1224

Mon, May 13 2019, 11:05 am

There's not much you can do about the gift, just pick colors you like so it will be as close to your tastes as possible.

When someone says you're their person it basically means you are the one that 'gets' them, and that they would turn to in any situation for help, advice, and sympathy. The one she feels would do anything for her, and she would do the same for you. Basically a devoted best friend.

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 11:40 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Thank you. More guilt.

If the picture was tiny or normal sized, I could hide it away. What could I do with a large statement piece? Her style is so different than ther rest of my house. It clashes. I don't have so much wall space for this either.

There is no way I can't accept this?

SixOfWands

Mon, May 13 2019, 11:45 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Tell you that you don't have much wall space, and in order to make sure that the picture is given the treatment it deserves, you'd appreciate a smaller piece.

FranticFrummie

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:33 pm

"Person" means that you are an anchor of normalcy for her turbulent emotions. You help her feel grounded, and more importantly, you make her feel accepted. When someone feels broken or "wrong" in some way, having someone who likes you in spite of your self image is incredibly healing.

I mentor a 17yo girl in my community who has high functioning ASD, and I am her "person". We have a really nice relationship. I'm not really a "mom", but I'm more than one of her school friends.

dankbar

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:43 pm

Tell her you like Judaic art or more conservative/ traditional type of art that you would really enjoy & it would enhance/adorn your dining room. That way she won't do some pop culture/modern art if you don't lime those.

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:43 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Tell you that you don't have much wall space, and in order to make sure that the picture is given the treatment it deserves, you'd appreciate a smaller piece.

The truth is looking around, I have lots of wall space - just none where I want this picture. I don't want it in a public area or the hallway.

I could ask her for 2 pictures and put them above my headboards. I could offer to pay her for the second which seems a waste of money since I don't like her style, but make her feel good.

My other options are a kid's room, a guest room, the gym, an office. IDK.

Her work sells nicely, but it doesn't speak to me.

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 12:48 pm

dankbar wrote:

You got it exactly. I don't know if she would/could do my style. I don't want to give her anxiety. It's not easy with sensitive people.

amother

Brown

Mon, May 13 2019, 1:45 pm

Do you really have to love the art in your guest room? I guess this is a personal thing, but as long as I didn't actually find it offensive I would not hesitate to hang it there.

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 2:12 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Do you really have to love the art in your guest room? I guess this is a personal thing, but as long as I didn't actually find it offensive I would not hesitate to hang it there.

The pictures she makes are huge! It will take up most of the wall. I like to have a house that flows from room to room, and this doesn't fit.

groovy1224

Mon, May 13 2019, 2:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You got it exactly. I don't know if she would/could do my style. I don't want to give her anxiety. It's not easy with sensitive people.

Can you maybe say something like thank you so much, I am so excited, and then ask if she does anything smaller? Blame it on either not having space for a huge piece, or not wanting to pay a professional to hang it, or say the room you will put it in has a smaller wall space and you want it to fit?

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 3:13 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I can't truthfully say I don't have room, and DH is a professional. I don't have vacant wall space in my public rooms. I do have in my bedrooms, office, and gym.

I simply don't like her work.

amother

Gray

Mon, May 13 2019, 3:28 pm

If it was just not my taste, I would put it in the guest room. What are your options? Not to hang it at all? If you think that would really hurt her, I think you can live with your discomfort. How often do you hang out in your guest room? If other people like her work, presumably at least some of your guests will enjoy it.

If it is truly hideous and badly painted, I wouldn't want to hang it at all because I wouldn't want my guests thinking I have no taste.

I have a couple of friends who paint pictures and promote them on social media. One of them is truly an awful artist but a baffling number of people seem to think her work is great. What can I say, some frum people know nothing about art.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, May 14 2019, 6:48 am

Has she been in your home? Does she have a broader sense of artistic style to understand what would work with your current decor? Or do you think she’s just planning on painting her typical style and expecting you to hang it even though it doesn’t fit in?

Is there a room in your house that she doesn’t have access to? Like maybe your bedroom? If so, perhaps you can ask her to make something to fit the style and space requirements for that room, and if you don’t end up liking it enough to hang, she won’t need to know?

amother

Tue, May 14 2019, 7:14 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Her work isn't awful at all. It's not my taste. And, as Dankbar said, it's not for a frum house. I didn't lie when I encouraged her using her talent.

I was given two giant canvasses with pictures of naked ancient Greeks, by a noted artist, by a different person. The gift cost thousands of dollars. I was also given hand drawn cartoons of the love is people. Both are in storage. Why? Why do people give me gifts of art?

amother

Gray

Tue, May 14 2019, 7:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I truly sympathise. Art is so individual! We have a few pictures sitting in storage also. Sadly, not worth thousands.

if this girls pictures are not tznius or otherwise inapproprate, then I wouldn't hang them either.

The question is, will she know if you don't hang them?

You could hang it in your bedroom, show it to her, and then remove it.