Be honest: How much do your kids fight?

amother

Crimson

Tue, May 14 2019, 1:38 pm

My kids are still too young (oldest is 2) but from personal experience, my sisters and I used to fight all the time, and we're friends now.
My mother would always tell us to figure it out ourselves, unless it got real bad.
I don't think we ever got too personal with the insults, but every fight ended with at least one person crying... and we did sometimes get physical too, though it was mostly verbal.
"I'm gonna kill you" was the worst thing to say... it got gasps, and "Mommy!!!"s LOL

This is really making me chuckle, bringing back memories Smile

But I know my mother was going out of her mind from all the bickering, she was always complaining about it and promising we'll be best friends when we grow up.
We pretty much became friends when we got married, and were out of the house and each others hair all the time.

Ema of 5

Tue, May 14 2019, 3:18 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

I do feel for you. Nobody wants their kids to use foul language. Sorry to say that hoping will not get you very far. But action will! Nip it in the bud.

I love how you assume I’m not. I get that kids pick things up from each other, and of course I’m trying to stop it.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, May 14 2019, 3:47 pm

they fight. the younger one can drive the older one crazy. they looove each other will share EVERYthing etc but if the younger son is tired he will annoy us ALL especially his older brother.

I repeat in a serious and firm voice:
UNDER OUR ROOF NO FOUL LANGUAGE EVER
WE DONT HURT ANYONE EVER HERE

we try to give them rseparate quality time
we offer them options to play on their own if together doesnt work

when I have to interfere a verbal conflict I let everyone say what they need to say in a calm voice MOMMY UNDERSTANDS CALM VOICES ONLY

if I notice they play nicely for a while I willt ell them: wow how nice to live in such a hamonious environment, anything I can bring you / a drink / a toy from upsairs...?

distraction also helps to a certain extend.

its important to set very very frim rules.

once we drove in the car and I couldnt have any of the bickering... I parked an let my kids leave the car. the older one asked where we have arrived to? I need them to leave the ca because their fighting distracts me, I need to drive calmly otherwise it is dangerous and since they diodnt react to my request to stop fihting I had to set a consequence: here we are now at a supermakets parking lot and I plan to stay as long as it takes for both of you to stop.
they stopped immediately looked at me as if I was totally meshugga and the rest of the night was really pleasent Wink

ITS TOUGH THOUGH and it is VERY HARD tpo stay calm and be a rolemodel if everyone else yells, and spreads negative vibes.

amother

Tue, May 14 2019, 9:40 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

What are parentagers? Is that preteen?
This works with my preteens as a distraction more than shalom making.
I also heard from Pearl Abramowitz to give the 'victim' a little something every time 'bully' hurts. This works for me too--if I can figure out whoo the victim is and who the bully is Tongue Out

More bec. it distracts the victim and the 'bully' sulks for not getting anything.
Don't think it can work for much older than pretteen age, though.

I sometimes do this, but it's usually not so black and white. Which is the bully, the one who purposely stole the other's prize and broke it while they watched or the one who then punched her in retaliation?

Which is the bully, the one who is doing something the other finds very annoying and continues to do it more and more when he asks her to stop but she won't because she can't give in, or the one that then loses his temper and calls her the "biggest freakin idiot and I hope you die! I hate you so much, you stupid worm!" (Direct quotes, none of which he's picked up from our home...) And possibly pairs those delightful phrases with a physical dose of his anger (a smack, pinch, shove, etc.)? He seems like the bully, but she's no angel here...