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What changes after Bat Mitzvah?

 
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 1:54 pm
My extended family is very affectionate (aunts, uncles, cousins, all hug and kiss in greeting, etc). What am I supposed to tell my DD? Are the rules different for her now? Is she not supposed to hug and kiss her uncles and male cousins? How do I explain this in a, let's say, palatable way? This is not the way I was raised so I need help.
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amother




Beige


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 2:37 pm
You and your daughter should read the laws of negiah together so you will both know what is acceptable according to the Torah.
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doctorima




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 3:03 pm
According to halacha, a girl over Bas Mitzvah is not allowed to hug and kiss males, including relatives (other than father, grandfather, and brother). As far as how to explain it, what do you yourself do? If you hug and kiss them, it may be confusing for her, although perhaps this could be an impetus for both of you to make a switch, and you could do the explaining for her, which would make her more comfortable.
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oneofakind




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 3:33 pm
I heard that even brother is a problem. check with your LOR.
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amother




Denim


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 4:20 pm
doctorima wrote:
According to halacha, a girl over Bas Mitzvah is not allowed to hug and kiss males, including relatives (other than father, grandfather, and brother). As far as how to explain it, what do you yourself do? If you hug and kiss them, it may be confusing for her, although perhaps this could be an impetus for both of you to make a switch, and you could do the explaining for her, which would make her more comfortable.


Not everyone holds this way.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 4:31 pm
I'm confused Sad
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 4:38 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
Not everyone holds this way.


Afaik all halachic sources prohibit negiah between adult male and female relatives aside from parents, grandparents and siblings. Op should ask whichever posek she typically asks halachic shailos, especially if she feels there is reason to look for leniency.
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 4:40 pm
It doesn't start from bas mitzva, way before. From around age 9 or I heard even 3. To spring it up upon her suddenly, is not ideal, it should have been something she's brought up with since she's young. Don't know what to say...

This question should have been asked a long time ago, it's not like you didn't know she'll be growing up one day.
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amother




Brunette


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 6:07 pm
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:


This question should have been asked a long time ago, it's not like you didn't know she'll be growing up one day.


So kind and supportive, not condescending at all.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 6:33 pm
I remember my SIL telling my DS and her daughter at the age of 9 that it was not appropriate for them to hug or touch each other anymore , no holding hands or walking arm in arm , because they were two peas in a pod and they were getting too old to be so close physically. They would act silly and say they were "husband and wife" etc and that's when they needed to be spoken to . They were old enough to understand.

I remember that I stopped riding a bike in public at the age of 12 . I also was told by a neighbor that her DS would soon be Bar Mitzvah and I was 11 and it was no longer appropriate for us to play ball with each other. I remember being feeling sad about it.

My sister who is MO made a comment to her 12 yr old daughter who put her hand on my DS 13s shoulder and she told her she has to be careful and can't do that. Her daughter apologized and said she forgot .

I don't think it's too late to tell a Bas Mitzvah girl that she can no longer hug her male cousins and uncles or friends. It is what it is.

Mazal Tov.
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agreer




 
 
 


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 6:48 pm
Better late Than never....

Tell her that it's the halacha and start practicing it yourself.

I don't think you have to say more.
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amother




Wine


Post  Tue, May 14 2019, 6:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My extended family is very affectionate (aunts, uncles, cousins, all hug and kiss in greeting, etc). What am I supposed to tell my DD? Are the rules different for her now? Is she not supposed to hug and kiss her uncles and male cousins? How do I explain this in a, let's say, palatable way? This is not the way I was raised so I need help.


To answer your subject line - What changes is she can check eggs for blood spots, and take challah - and she is responsible for herself.

Talk to you rav about how your community holds regard negia questions.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, May 19 2019, 12:10 pm
Ask your own rav. Dont kill your family relationships if it's not absolutely needed. I have relatives who would totally lose it
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