I give my 6 year old too much candy; please help!

TranquilityAndPeace

Wed, May 15 2019, 1:42 pm

My 6 year old DD is generally the only one home with me, as my sons are teens and mostly in Yeshiva.

Somehow, I once gave her a candy for dessert of supper on a weeknight, and it turned into a daily need.

Candy is kept on the top of the fridge, and officially is only for Shabbos and special occasions.

Lately, DD has been asking for more and more candy. She told me that she's the only one who doesn't get candy in her lunchbox (I give pretzels, cookies, chips, etc) and I asked her Morah, who told me that even though there's a healthy snack policy, most of the girls do bring things like lollipops, winkies, taffies, etc. to school.

She will eat healthy dinners and I often give her fruits with a protein instead of the standard potatoes or rice. So she'll have chicken and grapes and peppers, or turkey with blueberries and carrots. (She won't take fruits/veggies to school as they become 'mushy'.)

Lately, she comes home from school and requests a candy, and I say, "Why should you get a candy?" Sometimes she acts charming and hugs me and says, "Because you love me!" Sometimes she says, "Because it's Rosh Chodesh!" Or, better yet, "Because you forgot to give me a treat for Rosh Chodesh!" (And R"Ch was 2 weeks ago and I already gave her 2 makeup R"Ch treats last week!) Sometimes she'll say, "If I clean up the markers, can I get a candy?" Or, "Let's go shopping so I can get a candy!"

This last one is my fault... she doesn't like doing errands with me, and I work while she's in school, therefore I save errands to do with her, and she becomes amenable as long as she gets a steady supply of lollipops while we're out and about.

Okay, I feel like a first time mom, but I don't remember having this issue when my teens were younger!

I'm not super healthy, but I really need rules and regulations for candy over here! Thanks!

Cheiny

Wed, May 15 2019, 2:16 pm

TranquilityAndPeace wrote:

Start a new rule, sugary treats only on Shabbos.

FranticFrummie

Wed, May 15 2019, 3:23 pm

I've told this story before. I'm not sure if it was a "world's worst mom" moment, or pure genius.

I never bought candy. What we collected from Simchas Torah or Purim got put in a jar on the top of the fridge, and I made it last a full year. This worked until one day, when DD was 6, I came down with a horrible case of the flu.

DD wanted candy, and she knows, like all kids to, to attack when you are at your weakest. She stood over my bed and begged, and pleaded, and badgered me non stop. She probably could have gone on all day and not even run out of breath.

I caved, and gave her the whole jar. I said "Eat as much a you want. Mommy is going back to bed."

Then she wanted lunch, and I told her "You begged and cried, so now you get candy."

At dinner time I told her "You should be happy now, go eat your candy."

The next morning at breakfast "Candy is a breakfast food now."

By lunch time, she was in tears. She handed me the jar and said "Mommy, PLEASE make me some healthy food!"

From that day on, she has never begged me for candy, and has been pretty good about eating a wide variety of fruits and vegetables without any complaints.

So, smart or abusive? You be the judge. Wink

amother

Violet

Wed, May 15 2019, 8:08 pm

You shouldn’t be asking her why you should give her candy. She can come up with a million reasons. It sounds like you’re not really sure why she can’t have the candy in the first place other than that it’s “not healthy.” My advice would be to learn why it’s not healthy, learn about the effects of sugar and food coloring and high fructose corn syrup on the body.

Then when she asks why she can’t have it, you’ll be able to educate her (NOT scare her - there’s nothing wrong about teaching kids about what they’re putting in their bodies and how to take care of themselves) rather than just dismiss her.

You can also start replacing some of the candy rewards you give her with non food based rewards (like experiences - play a special game together on Rosh Chodesh...things like that).

amother

Brunette

Wed, May 15 2019, 9:13 pm

I guess it depends how much you care that you're giving too much candy. If it doesn't bother you that much, you're probably not going to change anything. If it does bother you, just announce a new "candy only on shabbos" rule. And have set times that she can have candy, not all shabbos long obviously. My kids already get too much candy in school (elementary) and it's the last thing I'm giving them during the week. On shabbos they get a total of 2-3 shabbos treats of their choosing at specific times. Whatever you have going on now is really just teaching her that if she whines enough, even in a charming way, she can get away with convincing you of whatever she wants. I try to have fair rules, but I basically stick to them, and begging won't change things.

thanks

Thu, May 16 2019, 7:47 am

agreer wrote:

Limit to one a day.

It's not healthy to deprive children of candy, either. It can backfire and make them crave it more, steal, hide, eat like wild at someone else's house, etc.

Teach her that one candy/lolly a day is plenty, and she should savor and enjoy it.

Because of the addictive quality of sugar, this can backfire. How many of us can eat just one? Eating one is what makes us want more. This has been proven scientifically by many studies.
It's perfectly healthy to "deprive" children of candy. In the homes that don't have sugar at all, the kids usually want it when they see it, but then very quickly turn it down for being to sweet for their palate.

yo'ma

Thu, May 16 2019, 9:44 am

TranquilityAndPeace wrote:

Lately, she comes home from school and requests a candy, and I say, "Why should you get a candy?" Sometimes she acts charming and hugs me and says, "Because you love me!" Sometimes she says, "Because it's Rosh Chodesh!" Or, better yet, "Because you forgot to give me a treat for Rosh Chodesh!" (And R"Ch was 2 weeks ago and I already gave her 2 makeup R"Ch treats last week!) Sometimes she'll say, "If I clean up the markers, can I get a candy?" Or, "Let's go shopping so I can get a candy!"

This last one is my fault... she doesn't like doing errands with me, and I work while she's in school, therefore I save errands to do with her, and she becomes amenable as long as she gets a steady supply of lollipops while we're out and about.

Okay, I feel like a first time mom, but I don't remember having this issue when my teens were younger!

I'm not super healthy, but I really need rules and regulations for candy over here! Thanks!

This sounds very much like me. As the older ones leave the house and only have the younger ones at home, I'm more lenient than I was with the older ones when they were that age. There was something that I allowed the younger ones to do and my older dd mentioned how they weren't allowed to do it when they were their age. I told her it's actually not good that I allow it because I allow it because I'm getting tired. Pros and cons...

Anyway, whenever any of my kids would say I should give them or allow them to do something that is not good for them and they say I should because I love them. I tell them, on the contrary, then I shouldn't because I do love them.

If she feels or more so if you feel she deserves a treat for whatever than you should find other treats for her and not even food and she doesn't need a treat for anything because then it's not a treat anymore.

amother

Yellow

Thu, May 16 2019, 11:18 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

100% smart pure genius.

Got a friend who, as a young child, got a large bar of chocolate from her uncle who brought it from abroad (in the 50's in Israel when chocolate was pure luxury). She finished hers and also ate her sister's bar. After that event, she couldn't bring herself to eat chocolate for decades.

Thu, May 16 2019, 11:18 am

Can you swap plain chocolate for the sticky taffies and lollipops? It's much better for her teeth and probably a teeny bit healthier. If you're not CY, the pretzel M&M are a good treat that seems like candy but has a lot less sugar since half of each piece is a pretzel.

You could also make your own chocolate bark with chocolate, nuts and maybe some cereal to keep it crunchy. That also reduces the sugar factor and includes some real food.

Personally, I think that a candy a day is fine as long as toothbrushing isn't too far behind, especially since it sounds like it's not impacting her appetite for real meals.