3 yr old fakes sick in school to go home

amother

Thu, May 16 2019, 7:36 am

My 3 year ok was sick stayed home few days. He went back to school (spec ed program where he gets needed services) bec. He was better. (Dr said its viral no meds needed)

Mon. He was fine.
Tues he told the teacher he has a headache refused lunch.
When he came home, he was exhausted so he went to sleep.
Wed. He was fine in the morning but in school nurse called said he said he wants mommy and said he has a headache and stomach hurts and he's lying down. So, we picked him up but nurse said he has no fever maybe he needs rest more so keep him home Thurs and Friday.

Well, today he's with me and fine. I wanted him to sleep late bec. Yesterday nurse said he's tired but he got up regular time. He doesn't complain of a headache or stomach ache....
I told him he needs to go to school Monday and he's crying saying he doesn't want to go and that he wants mommy. I think he's using "headache" to get out of school. He's very good at picking up on what to ddo to get out of school.

Also if he is crying in school Mon., then he may get upset and act out.

Did anyonelse experience this before??

(he did cry t beginning of the year too but eventually he stopped crying. This Time even the bus driver said he wouldn't stop crying for mommy on the bus.)

amother

Thu, May 16 2019, 7:51 am

Tzutzie wrote:

Sounds like he is very unhappy in school. I would try to figure out what the cause is.
A 3 yo should be beyond delighted to go to school. This isn't a teen with difficult cariculam... He's 3! Don't ignore his cries.

I'll tell you why he wants to stay home and doesn't want to go to school. School is a structured program and he has to share, follow rules, sit and listen....he likes to be home to do what he wants when he wants.....he doesn't like to share....just like a typical kid....but of course he loves the school activities.... In school, they also tell him to go to the toilet but he doesn't want to go.

BUT, MY POINT IS HE WAS HOME MOST OF LAST WEEK SO HE GOT USED TO BEING WITH ME WITH UNSTRUCTURED PLAY, DOING WHAT HE WANTS...

amother

Lavender

Thu, May 16 2019, 8:08 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you are certain that is the issue - then don't give him anything to play with, and offer to take him to school so that he will have something to do.

ddmom

Thu, May 16 2019, 9:04 am

Offer to drive him to school and/or pick him up if you can!
Bribe him! (If you don't cry all day and you're happy in school, I'll be so proud you can have....) not the best but it works with some children and it sounds like in your case he's having a hard time getting back to routine.
And keep him in mind that sometimes even if not contagious it takes time to get back to oneself after a virus!

FranticFrummie

Thu, May 16 2019, 9:17 am

If he just wants cuddles and play at home, then you absolutely have to stop this. It becomes a very ingrained pattern, and nearly impossible to break.

DD started having headaches and stomach aches every morning (only on school days, never weekends or holidays). I didn't understand the psychology of "school refusal", so I gave in more often that not. Just as bad, when she actually was sick I wouldn't believe her. We'd get in a huge fight, I'd force her onto the bus, just to have the school call and tell me she's throwing up and has a fever.

For the child, the headaches and stomach aches are very real and very painful. It's all about anxiety - and a good dose of manipulation to try and ease that anxiety.

If he's getting special therapies, see if someone there can focus and anxious feelings and try to find out what the main issue is.

mha3484

Thu, May 16 2019, 12:09 pm

I would really look into the environment and see if any of the therapies or therapists he is getting are not a good fit for him. For example, some kids find ABA therapy to be very anxiety inducing. School refusal usually comes from anxiety. If it were me, I would not just assume hes doing it for mommy attention and try and play detective.

I have two kids with two opposite sets of issues and they LOVE school because its a warm happy environment. Even on their worst days they still want to go to school. I think its a red flag when a kid that little wants to stay home. They usually miss their friends and want to do the activities.

amother

Khaki

Thu, May 16 2019, 1:53 pm

I've had times when my kids had a viral illness that really did take a long time to get out of their system, even once they had no fever or noticeable symptoms. Keeping him home until Monday should be long enough for him to gain back his strength, but I don't see why you need to talk about it now and make it a whole issue. I would just keep him busy at home, reinforcing whatever skills they're working on in school. And let him know Monday morning that the doctor said he's all better and he should go to school. The end.

ectomorph

Thu, May 16 2019, 3:11 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

This.

Also, I'm worried about your attitude to your child. The kid is 3.

Even if the kid is trying to manipulate you there is still something seriously wrong.
3 year olds are supposed to love school. I have a kid with social anxiety and she loves school.

SixOfWands

Thu, May 16 2019, 3:23 pm

Talk to him and his teachers to see if there is an issue at school.

If you really think he just wants to stay home -- no illness, no school issues -- then schedule something really fun for after school. If he says he's sick, you're just so disappointed, you won't be able to do that fun thing until he's feeling better. But he can absolutely stay at home and rest.

amother

Thu, May 16 2019, 3:31 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your responses.

Ill have to speak to the teacher to see if something is going on but I have a feeling shell feel defensive. Its a small class with 10 kids and 2 assistants and the teacher already claims that he is causing trouble. When I said that I think he was defending himself, she didnt agree.

amother

Thu, May 16 2019, 3:33 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Thanks for responding. I know most ppl here agree with you that 3 yrs love school but personally, I think its dependant on the child. My older sons hated school at this age (although they didnt fake sicknesses) while my older dds loved school at this age.

amother

Thu, May 16 2019, 3:35 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I think this may be the issue and im going to write to the teacher to direct this to the social worker if this continues on monday.

BatyaEsther

Thu, May 16 2019, 4:17 pm

That is really hard. As you said, it is because school is structured and he has to follow rules and share while at home he has you. I would take that as a compliment, that he has a great home life.
You need to make his being at home as boring and as structured as possible.
Take him in the car and instead or his music, listen to a shuir and tell him he can't disturb-that normally you get it "out of the way when he is having fun and playing in school so you can be free for him when he comes home". Take him to the supermarket and talk about how sorry you are that it is a boring errand, but that you usually do while he is in school having fun with (name of friend or favorite center...). So again, that you can play when he is home, but now you need to get it done. Furthermore, he needs sit in the cart, hands in, no touching, he gets no vote on flavor of yogurt, type of cereal.....
(normally, when I have my kids with me, and it's a boring errands, I try to make this fun as possible. Here are your goals to do the opposite). Leave him sitting at the table with crayons while you make dinner, telling him he can color, but by himself and needs to stay there because you need to cook-dinner for him and the family (this way it is goal oriented.) When I first started dropping my daughter off at school, and she wanted mommy to stay, I would tell her that she was going to have fun and I was just going to buy strawberries for her for later..... I think she thought I spent 4hours in the fruit store-but she was 3and that was ok, because then she wasn't missing fun.
After 2 days of this, take him to the MD for a clean bill of health and talk up how happy you are for him that he can go back and do all the fun things he loves in school, while you take care of all the boring mommy things. When he comes home that day, be ready to just have attention for him.

amother

Khaki

Thu, May 16 2019, 5:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She's not likely to be defensive if you're not coming across as accusatory. BH my kids teachers have been very open with me about brainstorming possible reasons any time my kids were showing signs of unhappiness. Why are you doubting her version of what goes on in the classroom? Do you have specific information that gives you reason to believe she's wrong? Also, it sounds like this is new behavior on his part. Is it? What was happening from September until May?

amother

Thu, May 16 2019, 6:23 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

This is new behavior. At the start of the year, he would cry from being separated from his parent but calmed down in school then, everytime after vacation, the same thing. But, he never cried as much as this time and never complained about a headache/stomachache before. Regarding a teacher/parent perspective, its hard because sometimes teachers only "catch" the victim defending himself and didnt see the bully(not bec shes a bad teacher but bec a teaxher has to look out for so many things besides for teaching, so sometimes the victim can be considered the bully. He did tell me someone broke his glasses. But, the truth is he may be having anxiety about school only bec. He wants to continue staying hlme with me like last week.

ectomorph

Thu, May 16 2019, 6:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So you're saying that there's a possibility he is being bullied, and you don't think the teacher would be receptive to that??

a 3 year old being bullied?