School retreat | Imamother

amother

Firebrick

Fri, May 17 2019, 12:49 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Not knowing you the school or the situation, I'm going to conjecture
Duh... The school makes money on this weekend.
You are mostly cli Kodesh families
That's beautiful ...
BUT BILLS STILL NEED TO BE PAID

Either it comes from high tuitions or a wealthy parent body or fund raisers like the retreat

It isn't rocket science

That is a ridiculous assumption. I run a school retreat and it costs more than 200 per student. The school kicks in a nice part if the cost. Do you have any experience with this that you can so confidently make such a statement?

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, May 17 2019, 2:24 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Ok, so if its not a fundraiser, and most of the parents are struggling with basics.

Why is the school doing it. Just to stress the parents out even more

Like I wrote, money is tight and there are years I have to ask for a reduced rate. But I'm thrilled for my kids. They have a beautiful Shabbos together with their friends and teachers. They gain a lot and they get to know their classmates and teachers in a different way. I'm not going to say it's not stressful, but that's life. Some things are worth the stress.

amother

Fri, May 17 2019, 2:56 pm

The school isn't making money on it. And I don't think they're overcharging at all for what they give.....but that doesn't make it necessary.

There is also an in-town shabbaton in the beginning of the year that costs very little. For me to spend $500 on two of my children for the weekend is a lot. My summer vacation for the whole family of nine kids is about $2000.

The values that so many of us try to give over to our children is that one doesn't need extravagance to be happy and fulfilled.

The school doesn't make mony on their play, in fact the girls spend months fundraising to cover the costs. They would never charge each girl $100 to take part. I'm not sure why this is different.

SixOfWands

Fri, May 17 2019, 3:18 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

How is your summer 2000$?

Her summer VACATION is $2000, not her summer.

Here's the thing. If you think that a school trip is a worthless extravagance, don't pay for it. The OP already said that the school is more than willing to help people who can't afford the trip, so that's not the issue. The issue is people who can afford, but don't think its worthwhile. In which case, as I said, the answer is, "don't send your kids."

chestnut

Fri, May 17 2019, 4:10 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Why does 6th grade go ice skating?
Why does 7th grade go to Philadelphia?
Why does 8th grade go to RI/ Washington?
Why does HS go to Washington/Niagara?

Middle school doesn't have weekend shabbatons upstate.
Only 12th grade has a graduation trip.
Why the NEED for TWO long weekends each year upstate each HS year??

groisamomma

Fri, May 17 2019, 4:48 pm

Interesting, dd and I had a conversation about this last night. At least 2 h.s. in Lakewood have their shabbaton this weekend. The more balebatish school (litvish, but lots of comfortable if not rich families) has the girls so excited to go and the other, larger school (slightly dysfunctional due to its size) has a lot of girls that chose not to go this year. We were wondering if that's because lots of families in that h.s. are from homes where fathers learn or are in klei kodesh and the girls just don't want to shoulder the cost or because they just weren't interested.

thunderstorm

Fri, May 17 2019, 4:52 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Ok, so if its not a fundraiser, and most of the parents are struggling with basics.

Why is the school doing it. Just to stress the parents out even more

This is part of attending a highschool or mesivta. It's an expected extracurricular event just like the Purim chagiga and the Chanuka chagiga is. The school shabbaton is the highlight of the year. It takes place in either cheap dinky hotels or in the Catskills at a sleepaway camp (which is also pretty crummy accommodations). It is an extremely uplifting Shabbos. Friday night hundreds of girls all gather together and sing kabbalas Shabbos , there is usually a lecture given by one of the faculty. There is Shabbos zemiros, divrei Torah and camaraderie (the food is so plain it's barely edible) . Friday night there are more shiurim. Shabbos morning shachris with the entire school, a beautiful Seuda again with more divrei Torah and several workshops Shabbos afternoon. The girls get to take nice walks and have oneg Shabbos. There is Shalosh Seudos and mincha and on motzai Shabbos there are performances done by the G.O, highschool girls and teachers. There is also usually an inspiring lecturer that they pay to join them for the Shabbos as well. The Motzai Shabbos event goes until about 3:am when everyone embarks with their luggage onto the busses and they go home. It's AMAZING and probably my most memorable memories of highschool. My boys have one too every year , litvish and Chasidish. They call it a "Shabbos Hisvaadus"... I always encourage them to go and enjoy. It's a unique experience. Each year is a special moment. I'm happy the schools still see that it's important to do. One year my DS kept saying he didn't want to go. The principal told him not to tell us that it costs money, that we didn't have to pay. He was suspicious that my DS was afraid to mention how much it cost. We were very appreciative for him to be so considerate but we gladly paid.

thunderstorm

Fri, May 17 2019, 5:06 pm

chestnut wrote:

Wait, so each grade in your HS has 2 long weekends out of town Shabbatons and an in-town one, per year?

When I went to school there was a grade shabbaton for each grade individually in the winter and a school Shabbos in the springtime , in addition to a grade weekday trip which was usually tied to subject that the learned that year . In 12th grade the graduation trip is an overnight trip.

ddmom

Fri, May 17 2019, 5:37 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Why does 6th grade go ice skating?
Why does 7th grade go to Philadelphia?
Why does 8th grade go to RI/ Washington?
Why does HS go to Washington/Niagara?

My school doesn't run things exactly like that but yeah same idea. Some things won't change so fast!
My daughter actually didn't want to go on her shabbaton but I do think the girls benefit from it and I encouraged her to go.
I really don't think school make money on it,if anything they cover the costs.
Op, I understand your frustration. It is very costly and when you're careful about every expense in the house it feels like a big waste to spend $175 on ONE shabbos for ONE child.
We don't go on vacation ever because there's no budget for it but somehow kids get their vacations anyway! (Unfortunately they don't see it that way! Wink

)

amother

Oak

Fri, May 17 2019, 5:51 pm

I was in gourmet glatt in Lakewood last night - there were dozens of high school girls “shopping” for their school Shabbos. I stopped a group and asked what’s going on - she said almost every high school in Lakewood has their Shabbos this week and listed at least 5 schools to me. Just the food in most of their carts must have cost $100... I can’t imagine the girls pay for this on their own!
Truthfully, I always went and had fun. Did I come home a different person? No. But I definitely learned plenty. There is great value to these shabbosim. But I do think some of the extras can be cut back.

thunderstorm

Fri, May 17 2019, 5:55 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

In my day I paid for the junkfood I brought along . My kids do the same. I give x amount and they add to it. They usually buy in groups so one girl pays for Danishes and chips for everyone while the other is buying the chocolate and drinks for the group etc. It's all part of the fun.

amother

Khaki

Fri, May 17 2019, 6:01 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Summer vacation for 9 people at 2000? You mean no camp or bungalow or day camp?

amother

Khaki

Fri, May 17 2019, 6:18 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Why does 6th grade go ice skating?
Why does 7th grade go to Philadelphia?
Why does 8th grade go to RI/ Washington?
Why does HS go to Washington/Niagara?

I meant to say that as many people as there are that’s how many questions and opinions there are.
The Philadelphia trip was close to 100$ this year and that was mainly transportation and with school footing some of the bill. No they don’t make money on these trips.
Yes our 8th grade has a full day grad trip and a beautiful in-house melave malka.
The boys and girls enjoy and benefit from the break from everyday life just as much as we do
They have fun with friends, no pressure, sometimes get to know others from parallel classes and both staff and students get to see each other in a different light. They make memories
and yes life costs money. There is nothing wrong with teaching a child that money does not grow on trees and letting them earn a little towards the cost. In fact they might just appreciate the trip more knowing they contributed.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, May 17 2019, 6:32 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

For the educational and spiritual value it has for the students.

This is basically the gist of why they do it. There is no extravagance in any of the school shabbatons I'm familiar with. On the contrary, the accommodations are basic at best, the food is meh, and the programming is all coming from the girls and the staff. It can be very valuable in what it provides in terms of the above values, though.

(As an aside, I'm sure there's a lot of in school educational programming that you would rather do without, and pay less tuition. It's all just part of the package deal when choosing a school for your kids. You'll agree with some policies and disagree with others; sometimes it will cost you money you'd rather save for other things. Hopefully they're willing to work with families to make costs reasonable, as in the case you describe, op.)

amother

Gold

Sat, May 18 2019, 6:06 pm

When I was in a BY high school, we had a few shabbatons during the year where we ate our meals either in the school or we were split up to eat at different girls houses and met up Friday night for a big oneg.
The girls who didn't live in walking distance to the school slept over at classmates houses. Even those of us who lived in walking distance, would usually have sleepovers because it was more fun. I have such great memories of those shabbosim! I can't remember if they charged us or not.

During the spring we had Retreat (some schools called it School Shabbos) and it was amazing! We had to pay but it was the highlight of our year. We went to a camp in the Catskills and there was a theme with workshops, speakers, ask the Rabbi and excellent programming. Retreat was designed to make us think and to encourage discussions with our teachers out of the classroom setting. On M"S there was Melva Malka with a hilarious comedy show, acted by some of the girls.

We barely slept and spent the nights debating, discussing and analyzing all kinds of topics. One year the theme was: Do we appreciate being Jewish? That was a really great one - like one loooong ImMamother thread!
Oh, the memories!!
Don't deny your daughters this experience. It's so important for frum teenagers!