Do you have rules | Imamother

Chayalle

Tue, May 21 2019, 10:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That's the point. Do you make it clear or not. If you have a rule no bringing food into rooms...but if you don't your kid may decide to have breakfast on your bed. That's really the question. Do you expect them to have common sense or not. I don't.

If you leave things to common sense, you may find that your child's common sense tells him/her to do things quite differently than your common sense dictates.

Zehava

Tue, May 21 2019, 11:23 am

Didn’t read through the whole thread but it’s tricky over here. My kids are like me, in the sense that when the rule is there they take it as a challenge to see what happens if they break it.
Since I’m not inclined to do power struggles all day long, we try to stick to common sense, health and safety.
So instead of just repeating phrases I help them understand things so they want to do it themselves. And if they don’t and it doesn’t compromise safety or health or my sanity I let it go.

Iymnok

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:02 pm

When DS got a bike, I told him that he loses the bike for one day if he rides his bike without a helmet, rides someone else’s bike without a helmet, or if someone else rides his bike without a helmet.
Second time us for a week.
It has happened once.
When playing outside there are boarders that may only be passed with permission. They could go to neighbors if they tell me first.
Ask permission before entering MY room.

aricelli

Tue, May 21 2019, 2:51 pm

So when I was raising my first batch of children boy did we have rules. Actually- looking back I hardly needed to make rules because somehow they just absorbed things. There was decorum and discipline. Then came along little guy with - well - differences. And rules and punishment and threats and bribes went right over his head. I learnt that its ok not to have so many rules. I became much more relaxed and easy. I learned to look the other way when a rule was broken and to carefully pick which rules were the really important ones. I learnt that its ok to get up from the dinner table for a walking (running!) break when sitting can be so difficult. I learnt that a counter is so enticing to walk across. I learnt that doing yoga in middle of a seudah is just so normal and wonderful. I became much more easy going. My way of raising my entire family has changed.

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 5:55 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Doesn't everyone? It's called "civilization".

Why don't you answer for yourself? We all have different styles of parenting apparently. See poll above.

groisamomma

Tue, May 21 2019, 6:41 pm

Am I the only one whose rules (or lack of them) change as the kids get older? I have to pick my battles but the few I'm choosing to reinforce these days I'm sticking with.

No running the washer after 10 PM. I turned the water off because they didn't think I meant it.

No phone calls after 10 PM. Phone was unplugged 10 on the dot because DD didnt think I was serious.

(Can someone please explain the rule about not taking food? If I'm hungry I need a snack. I imagine so does your kid! What is up with hoarding food?)

Ravenclaw

Tue, May 21 2019, 8:01 pm

MiracleMama wrote:

Are there really families that do not?

I answered that not.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t boundaries in my house, there are. But I don’t classify it as rules. It’s not like I have written up a constitution and hung it on my wall.
If I see my kid taking a snack without asking I will say, “Please ask me first; you can’t have that until after dinner.” Instead of an official rule “we don’t take a snack without asking or before dinner”

Not having rules doesn’t mean it’s a free for all. It’s just not formal. If I don’t want my kid doing something I explain it to them and that’s that.

Ravenclaw

Tue, May 21 2019, 8:05 pm

Like when I bought my daughter her helmet, I explained to her why she needs it etc
And she always does. If she forgets I remind her. But I never made it into a Rule.

yksraya

Tue, May 21 2019, 8:52 pm

We technically have rules, but I don't call it rules. It's more like teaching things like "get home before 8", "we eat food downstairs" "please eat at the table" etc.

I find that calling it rules makes it seem a bit rigid. Although of course it's not a free for all, do what you want when you want. Kids need structure, and to be taught safety and manners.

Ruchel

Mon, May 27 2019, 8:35 am

Halacha
Don't take risks, play with knive, run with scissors etc
No carrying the baby if I'm not there except dd12
Don't wake me unless c'v there's a real reason
Bonjour, bonsoir, merci

amother

Taupe

Mon, May 27 2019, 8:48 am

my fil is a mechanech and has a line that you start off parenting with x number of principles and wiht each child you lose one. so when our 3rd was born he asked us which principles we lost. ta, I said, at this point it's geometric not arithmetic. he never asked me again Very Happy