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Forum -> Working Women
Hostile co-worker, what to do?



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 9:30 am
I work in a generally great environment. It's a medium sized non-profit, very low key and friendly atmosphere. Everyone is nice, helpful, it's truly a team environment (except for this one co-worker). I love my job.

I have a co-worker, we'll call her Mary, who was at the job before me. Over the last couple of years, she has become selective in the work she is willing to do, and I've taken on many of her tasks. At first, she was grateful. However, my boss noticed, and slowly began bypassing her and giving me Mary's jobs to do. Eventually, I got promoted, sort of to Mary's job, and given a new title (not Mary's title). Mary was demoted and cut back to part time.

Mary has all but outright accused me of taking her job, she's been hostile to me, cold shoulders me, doesn't come to my events.

Her office is right across from mine, and it is sooo uncomfortable.

Should I say something to my boss? Would that be babyish? Of course it would be better to say something to Mary directly, and I have in the past. It doesn't go well.

What should I do? Anyone have similar situations?
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 9:37 am
Whether or not I would tell my boss would depend on how bad it is. The fact that she doesn't come to your events isn't a reason to speak to your boss, but if she is being openly hostile, or refusing to work with you, that's another issue. Can you give examples of things she does?
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 9:40 am
I don't blame her. From her point of view, she came before you and you surpassed her. Just be nice. Make sure to make a point to say hello and goodbye....Don't overdo it and but be persistant even if she ignores you.
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ellacoe




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:02 am
I had a new co-worker who was very prickly and hostile. (Probably due to cultural reasons and stereotypes) I went over to her and said I hope I didn't offend you in anyway, I feel like I may have upset you. I was wondering if we could grab coffee together some time to get to know each other better. She was so taken aback and we had coffee and broke the bad feeling.)
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 11:03 am
ellacoe wrote:
I had a new co-worker who was very prickly and hostile. (Probably due to cultural reasons and stereotypes) I went over to her and said I hope I didn't offend you in anyway, I feel like I may have upset you. I was wondering if we could grab coffee together some time to get to know each other better. She was so taken aback and we had coffee and broke the bad feeling.)


I would not recommend this in this particular situation, since you know exactly why she is upset. I agree with the above poster who recommended being polite. I would also point out that it may be worth keeping your head down until the situation fizzles out on its own.

Your boss is already aware of the dynamic, that is why you were promoted and she was demoted. These issues tend to work themselves out. It is likely that if you keep your head down, remain polite, and continue to do good work, the situation will get better IMO.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 2:40 pm
OP here, I suppose you all are right that it's best not to complain about her. I'm always uneasy about speaking about co-workers, you never know when it might backfire, not to mention it's not the kindest way to go.

But I'm also afraid that if I let it go, she might be badmouthing me. She's definitely unhappy with me.

I guess it's best to wait it out a while longer.

Thanks!
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 2:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP here, I suppose you all are right that it's best not to complain about her. I'm always uneasy about speaking about co-workers, you never know when it might backfire, not to mention it's not the kindest way to go.

But I'm also afraid that if I let it go, she might be badmouthing me. She's definitely unhappy with me.

I guess it's best to wait it out a while longer.

Thanks!


The few times I complained to a boss is when the coworker in question was blaming things on me to the boss. That was unacceptable.

But otherwise, a valuable lesson is never complain about someone else to the boss. It never works out well.
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