G.O. Head and "Jobs" in Lakewood high-schools - Favoritism??

amother

Bronze

Tue, May 21 2019, 10:36 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Never heard that yet but it's a terrible thing to say!
For the most part, until now I've dealt with people that are extremely devoted to their students and selflessly work very hard to make things right. (I have a large family so I've dealt with a lot of school staff over the last 20 years. And I'm far from finished!)
There were exceptions of course but definitely not the majority!
Yes, mistakes do happen and not everything is perfect but that comment is really harsh!

Sort of like טוב שברופאים לגיהנם...

It's a position that's very tricky, and you're bound to hurt people. There are just an awful lot of people in positions of leadership who don't care.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:42 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Coral

Tue, May 21 2019, 11:19 pm

In regard to the fact that principals have a set agenda, here’s a true account. In middle school I was offered GO for the following year. I was popular and smart and the perfect package to create enough jealousy in my classmates. I was aware at the time that too many girls spoke behind my back and really wanted to work on being nice to everyone and focusing on not standing out. So when I received the offer of GO, I discussed it with my parents and decided to forgo the opportunity and leave it for someone else. To make a long story short: my principal refused to accept the no( the system worked that it was offered in the summer so students can decide). She had a vision of who GO should be and look like. She literally dragged me through the mud to show me that my sin will not be forgiven so fast. I can cry just to think about it.(going back 15 years). Question: are principals here to protect their students or are students here to protect the principals and hanhalas agendas?????

amother

Smokey

Tue, May 21 2019, 11:36 pm

Ok I’ll chime in from the other side.
As a mother of the G.O., Hc type of girls.
My daughters are nice, kind, capable and hardworking. They have been chosen and elected to be G.O.,H.C., yearbook editor, main part in play.....because of their character traits and talents.
They don’t let it get to their heads, but cherish the opportunity to use the talents hashem gave them. There are many other girls in their grades using their talents as well, some in dance, art, writing etc...
Why should my daughters not have their chance to use their leadership qualities.
Some posters mentioned that it runs in certain families to be chosen. I think each of May daughters is chosen on their own merit. Why should one lose out just because her sister was G.O. too?

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, May 21 2019, 11:39 pm

I'm nowhere near the Lakewood crowd
In high school I took over the defunct and seriously nerdy school paper, a job they were glad to give me bc literally no one else would take it. I worked my butt off to revamp it. It was a huge success. As soon as I left, I see the following year, the "cool" GO head teacher has taken it over and stuck her dumb minion GO type girls into it. Congratulations, we made a space for nerds and unpopular girls and even that had to be taken away.

singleagain

Tue, May 21 2019, 11:53 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

No one should lose out bc of someone else, but neither should they be appointed year after year.

Every year in high school, we had two big productions. One in Dec, one in May ish.

I don't dance or sing, and I had to much stage fright to act.. there were mini skits that I would have loved to direct. I think I even asked about it once, but in four years I never got to do anything. And in camp, I directed the skits so it wasn't that I couldn't. It was bc I didn't fit in the school mold. So I wasn't allowed. (I don't actually know the reasons.. but that it what it felt like)

I was always made to feel like some weird not good enough person bc I wasn't cookie cutter.

My school happened to be one that prided itself on like a 90-something percent of the class going to Israel after high school... Yet they sabotaged my interview. And I almost didn't go.

I've actually blocked out most of high school, bc it was so awful.

A lot of girls in my high school went to teachers houses for Shabbat which we a completely foreign concept to me... Bc I couldn't even imagine a having that kind of relationship.

The hardest thing is... If I named the school and administrator... Most ppl probably wouldn't believe me, bc of the reputation... But I didn't fit in the box. I wasn't what they wanted me to be... And I'm still dealing with the aftermath 15 years later.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, May 22 2019, 12:02 am

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

Why should the same girl be GO and have the main part in a school play. Doesn't that sound unfair to you?

amother

Smokey

Wed, May 22 2019, 12:09 am

Ok. They each didn’t all do all those jobs. Each daughter had different “jobs”. One daughter didn’t do every one of those things. Obviously many other girls all had chances to shine in different areas. I said that in my post.
Also, if my daughter in 9th or 10th grade was one of the main parts in play, that means it’s all over for the rest of hs? Why can’t she have a chance to shine 3 years later in 12th grade as president or play head?

amother

Lavender

Wed, May 22 2019, 2:45 am

This is such a sore topic for me. I was a nerd. Seriously. I loved learning but I wasn't the top student either (some kids are naturally geniuses and more power to them. We need scientists, doctors and engineers). So I was often overlooked. One year they gave out jobs and I didn't get one. They made up a last minute nerdy and dumb job (think along the lines of cleanup crew. A 5 minute job to make me "feel better" but got no recognition, no chance to shine or use my talents). They gave the same 4 girls everything. I was told that they planned on giving me X job but didn't end up having it that year so "sorry". 3 weeks later, guess what, they decide to have that job and who did they not give it to? Me. I saw who they gave it to and went over to that teacher quietly after to ask why it wasn't my job when I was told that it was supposed to go to me. "Oh we had to take into account different things". Basically because I was a nerd and these 2 girls "needed it " so I didn't get it. I called the teacher out on that because just because I did well academically I can't have one extra curricular but these girls had other jobs earlier in the year...?? Still haven't forgiven her. She didn't even have the decency to be embarrassed or give me anything else as the year went on.

I had it a different year where virtually every kid got something. Except me. I was overlooked and nerdy. I wasn't from a "difficult background". Well, guess what, if they asked we had big issues. Stuff that was worse than "lots of siblings so overlooked". They just never asked or took the time to get to know me. I tried reaching out but they just saw my test grades. Smart but not a Nobel prize winner like some girls. There was one job I should have gotten and I wanted. Think the only girl who had a specific trait or talent. Think yearbook graphics head and I am the only one with graphic art experience. Not that in real life but just as an example. Instead they gave a rich kid that position and it was a failure.

Or a camp play where everyone who tried out for a specific piece got a part. But me. Cmon, why do that? Squish one more girl up there or make it small so I am not alone in being left out. And yeah- why was I upset?? They had the nerve to ask me...

I hate to say it but these staff really hurt me. Destroyed a piece of myself and my self esteem.

abound

Wed, May 22 2019, 4:03 am

why would a school think that a quiet shy girl who never used her talents (volunteer etc) would be capable of running a shabbos or G.O.
I am asking sincerely. They need the G.O. to work out or the school/grade shabbos. How are they supposed to realize that the quiet girl in the back or the one who never uses her talents in anyway has the talents and the strength to do it? I understand that every girl should be given something to do but I am talking abt the girls who want GO or school shabbos?
Do you have any ideas?

(P.S. I do not have girls in HS and I am not part of any school.....just wondering)

amother

Pewter

Wed, May 22 2019, 5:22 am

OK-now for a different view. I was that girl who got the best jobs. But if you think my life was peaches and cream, it certainly wasn't. My family was NOT rich, well known.....In fact, I suffered terribly at home from a really critical mom and quite a bit of mental illness in the family. So being the top girl in school really saved my life and sanity.

Obviously I am only 1 person and not the average. But please before ranting and raving , know that you don't always know what's truly happening in another person's life. We all have to live with some pain and insecurity. As the Yiddish saying goes, "Alles in einem iz nisht du bay kaynem" "Nobody has everything."

Simple1

Wed, May 22 2019, 5:32 am

abound wrote:

I have noticed that my dds school created a lot of good jobs - like make 4 heads instead of 2 (bigger schools can do more). They would also strategically pair kids to work in teams. Maybe one is loud and the other is full of great ideas, etc. This often worked out really well.

amother

Lime

Wed, May 22 2019, 5:37 am

I was editor of yearbook. A studious girl without too many friends who lucked out in that the head of yearbook knew me personally since she knew my family and so I was added to the team. When we sat to divide the rest of the grade up, I absolutely insisted on reversing the trend of putting all the popular girls into one group and the nerds in another. I faced resistance but still recall looking my partners in the face and telling them to admit that had I not been chosen by this teacher they would have dumped me the way they’re attempting to dump others.

To the poster who says that only a certain type becomes teacher/principal and can’t understand- I disagree. I am personally in touch with a high school teacher of mine who has a reputation as nasty/intimidating/aloof. She reached out to me IN PRIVATE. And I know of others who she helped privately as well. Yes she is intimidating in the classroom due to her perfect/poised nature. But she has helped me privately more than I will share on this thread since it isn’t relevant to the topic. The fact that the staff appears not to care and to systematically reuse those who they know does not mean that they don’t individually reach out when they notice it is needed

ectomorph

Wed, May 22 2019, 6:31 am

abound wrote:

Same here. I was never picked for any good jobs. But it didn't bother me. I was quiet and introverted and would have been very stressed by those jobs. I was happy when they gave me the job of "technical" and not even the head...