Eretz Yisrael vs. Siddur party

amother

Wed, May 22 2019, 4:21 pm

We are BE"H planning to go to Eretz Yisrael for Shavuos, where we have lots of family and friends and haven't visited for several years. My 5-yo DD just brought home a note that her class is having their siddur party and pre-1A graduation, which she's been practicing for for weeks, 2 days after Shavuos - before we'd be coming back!

When DH mentioned the conflict, DD's first reaction was that she doesn't want to miss her siddur party, even to go to Israel. But when DH asked her why not, my goody-little-two-shoes said that she doesn't want to inconvenience Morah and her friends to have to find someone else to learn her part! She also added that I had promised her a donut after graduation, and she doesn't want to miss out on the donut.

I called her Morah, who was very sweet and said that there's no way to change the date now, but I could come next week to the dress rehearsal, and when I mentioned that to DH along with getting her a donut anyway, she now says she's okay with missing.

DH did some research, and we could leave earlier and come back earlier in order to make it for her Siddur party/graduation, but it would obviously cost more money and would make our itinerary in Israel a little more rushed and less ideal. It would also save me 2 vacation days from work, which is valuable.

A part of me says EY is EY and she'll get over the Siddur party, but the Jewish mom in me still feels bad. Since I didn't have one growing up, I don't know how meaningful it is in the long-term, or if it's really just a cute blip in life that's not worth contorting ourselves over. WWYD if you were in my shoes? DH says we have to decide soon if we want to still be able to switch the ticket.

amother

Brown

Wed, May 22 2019, 4:32 pm

I'm really surprised that the school is not willing to accommodate. A siddur party is a big deal, and if you didn't know about it beforehand it's normal to make plans that could conflict. An international airline ticket is also a big deal, and not something they should expect you to change at the last minute. I would personally contact the preschool director and find out what they can do. In my kids' school they have definitely changed the date for reasons like this.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, May 22 2019, 5:33 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

I agree with this, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to switch it two days later. My school does that all the time.

If they absolutely will not switch it’s a tough call. If you can afford it, & it won’t be a significant cost I think u should change the ticket.
I’ll never forget how my daughter described her siddur part, “It’s one of the most special days in my life, it’s almost like my wedding!” I kid u not. Made me see it as much more serious then the silly little performance I thought it was b4.

Also can’t compare the real thing to rehearsal. First of all they usually get gifted with a siddur, there’s usually cake & fun activities, plus the whole audience makes it much more exciting.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, May 22 2019, 6:02 pm

Quote:

I agree with this, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to switch it two days later. My school does that all the time.

I'm honestly flabbergasted at these comments. There are logistics and planning that go into any activity at a school - many times you can't just switch things so easily.
From a school's perspective my guess is they weren't expecting anyone to be travelling internationally for shavuos and why are they coming back to school so late and why didn't they tell the teacher they're going away???

Just giving a peek to the other side of the story...

amother

Oak

Wed, May 22 2019, 7:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would pay the extra money to go to EY at different times and go to the Siddur Party. Mazel Tov.

(I am a bit incredulous that people expect the school/Morah to rearrange a major production to accommodate one family’s travel plans. Really!?)

amother

Brown

Wed, May 22 2019, 7:58 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Yes, BH I send to a wonderful school that is apparently unusually considerate in this regard- they have changed dates of various class events several times that I'm aware of, to accommodate a family that had made big travel plans. There are a couple of more major events that are put on the school calendar so families know to plan accordingly. Otherwise, they're flexible.

I can't imagine what is involved in a siddur party that it would be such a significant hassle to change the date with a few weeks notice...

amother

Aqua

Wed, May 22 2019, 8:01 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

(I am a bit incredulous that people expect the school/Morah to rearrange a major production to accommodate one family’s travel plans. Really!?)

My daughters' school does consider the parents when it's related to a major milestone event. They send home a notice about the it weeks in advance and ask that parents should please contact them if there's a major scheduling conflict.

OutATowner

Wed, May 22 2019, 8:54 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Didnt read all replies but... if someone is playing music (keyboard) they go around that date, there are many end of year activities that the school needs the room for, what if two days later is not good for another family, then what do you do? I could go on and on...
As a teacher and parent, I think the dress rehearsal is a great idea, especially of they do what many schools do and have other classes or siblings watch. She gets her siddur and donut, and you can buy her a balloon if you want.
I think ultimately you will feel resentful having to rush your trip.

notshanarishona

Wed, May 22 2019, 10:48 pm

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

Quote:

I agree with this, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to switch it two days later. My school does that all the time.

When I do an important event for parents we try to give minimum a months notice. For anything major like graduation or siddur party a tentative date is set at the beginning of the year. This is very last minute for an event the week of shavuos.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, May 22 2019, 11:31 pm

I love the idea of presenting her with her siddur at the Kosel and then taking the family out for ice cream !! Her own special siddur party ! And you’ll be there for the rehearsal anyway, win win. Brilliant idea . She won’t ever forget that . The actual siddur performance in school will not be nearly as personal or meaningful for her. She seems fine with the plan as it is , this will just make it amazing for her . I wouldn’t switch tickets , thats putting way too much pressure on her and her performance to be “worth it.” Enjoy your trip!!

imasinger

Wed, May 22 2019, 11:42 pm

To summarize:

Keep current plan, pros:

- EY is special, more time there
- saves cost of ticket change
- dress rehearsal option is fine with DD

Change plan pros:

- DD participates with her class
- You save 2 valuable vacation days by early return

Maybe other factors?

My suggestion is that you rate each factor either 0, 1, or 2, depending on how important it is to you. Add up your scores, and use that as a decision making guide.

But do make the decision soon. If another child needs to cover DD's part, they need time to learn and practice it.

Hatzlacha, and mazel tov.