S/O of husbands being around less healthier for marriage

amother

Sun, May 26 2019, 9:54 am

Well speaking on experience when my husband was unemployed and home it was extremely hard and challenging for him to be around all day for our shalom bayis. When my husband had a few days off and sat around the house it was really hard in my shalom bayis when he works and he comes home at night the house is clean supper is done I can give him my full self we are happy and I have discussed this with friends and neighbors when they all have the same opinion so I conclude it is healthier when your husband is not around all day!!

amother

Orchid

Sun, May 26 2019, 9:56 am

My husband is self employed and many times works from home. We go out to lunch together every day of the week and we both love it.
Maybe the problem was that your husband was unemployed?

mig100

Sun, May 26 2019, 9:58 am

I hear what ur saying op. I could see being around all day as challenging.

This is NOT What the I the other thread is discussing at all.

The other thread was discussing "quote" thay newlyweds should not spend ANY time together and the less they tell each.other the better

Very different.

mig100

Sun, May 26 2019, 9:59 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

My husband is self employed and many times works from home. We go out to lunch together every day of the week and we both love it.
Maybe the problem was that your husband was unemployed?

Maybe everyone and every marriage is different.

Tzutzie

Sun, May 26 2019, 10:32 am

When my husband was home all day it was very very very hard.
To the point that we both came to the conclusion that it's detrimental to our SB that he be home.
Then Hashem made his day off go away.... so he was working 6 days a week....

It took a lot of hard self work on both our parts to come to a place in our relationship where we both so badly wanted him to have a day off...
And when we we're ready, Hashem gave him a day off.
And it's the day of the week I look forward to most, other than shabbos.
We love each other and have a good happy healthy marriage, bh. And yet, it's the most exhausting day of the week. And I don't mean physically.

Mommyg8

Sun, May 26 2019, 10:37 am

mig100 wrote:

He very clearly said that the husband should not spend TOO much time with his wife, not that he shouldn't spend any time at all. He also encouraged his congregation to try to learn every spare second, and many of his mispallelim actually went from ignorami to full fledged talmidei chachamim. Just putting this in context.

amother

Navy

Sun, May 26 2019, 10:40 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

My husband is self employed and many times works from home. We go out to lunch together every day of the week and we both love it.
Maybe the problem was that your husband was unemployed?

There is a big difference between a DH working at home in his study then taking a lunch break with his DW compared to DH who is not working and is just always around.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, May 26 2019, 10:53 am

Of course an idle husband lounging around in his sweatpants all day is detrimental to the marriage, especially if the wife is working hard in or out of the home.

On the other hand, it is a blessing to have a husband spend evenings and weekends in the house if he is a great converser, and is active in child raising and domestic chores, and especially if he's a handyman and spends his time improving the home.

So all depends what he is doing in the house. And what he is doing out of it. Being unemployed never helps a marriage.

Mommyg8

Sun, May 26 2019, 10:56 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

Which is EXACTLY what he said. Spend your time accomplishing, not just schmoozing.

Boca00

Sun, May 26 2019, 11:05 am

I once sat next to a secular Jewish guy on a flight home. He told me that every week he goes out of town for a few days and it is the only way he can stay married.

This is extreme, but I guess certain peronalities/marriages do better when their spouses are around less.

amother

Vermilion

Sun, May 26 2019, 11:17 am

I'm in Canada so we have very generous maternity and paternity leave. Men get 35 weeks job protected leave with government pay. My husband's company pays him his full salary for 17 weeks so he's been home with me since the baby was born 2.5 months ago and it's been so awesome BH! I wish he could be home longer. We have 8 kids ka"h so it's been nice having this time together. We do day trips, walks, etc. For us it's been wonderful plus having an extra pair of hands is so amazing!!

amother

Rose

Sun, May 26 2019, 1:33 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

My husband is self employed and many times works from home. We go out to lunch together every day of the week and we both love it.
Maybe the problem was that your husband was unemployed?

It’s different then your husband just being home sitting around without structure.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, May 26 2019, 1:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Which backs up what Rav Avigdor Miller said that husband shouldn’t spend too much time speaking with their wives over and over