13 year old with no plans for half summer

amother

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:16 pm

My daughter will be going to camp for half a summer. She doesn’t have anything to do the other half. There are a few day camp programs for her age. She refuses to go to them. Two of them are supposed to be great programs. A few girls from her class are going to one of those but she thinks they are too nerdy. The second one she doesn’t know anyone but its supposed to be fantastic and the third one should would be in the same bunk as my younger dd.

There are a few day camps that offer jobs for her age, but we either were too late to apply or they too were too nerdy for her to work in.

I’m at a loss.

She’s very strong willed.

She is very mature when she’s not being stubborn and moody.

Any advice. ?

amother

Salmon

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:21 pm

I would only let her go to camp for half a summer on condition that she chooses a day camp for the other half of the summer. She can't just sit home twiddling her thumbs. Dd decided to go to camp second half for this reason, because she knew that if she went first half, day camp would be too much of let down afterwards foe second half.

amother

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:24 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

Thanks for your reply. She will still refuse. I don’t see myself carrying out on the threat that if she doesn’t go dc first half, she will be home a whole summer.

amother

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:30 pm

flmommy wrote:

What does she want to do with the second half of summer?

She doesn’t know what she wants to do. She knows what she doesn’t want to do-all the options in my post. There are no other options.

naomi2

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:31 pm

Maybe she has a suggestion. Put the ball in her court. Tell you are not ok with her doing nothing for half a summer, so what ideas can she come up with. Maybe she can talk it over with friends or look through a newspaper. Give her few days and see. Maybe she will surprise you with an idea you both like.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:54 pm

Will she be able to keep herself busy if she ends up staying home?
One of my most enjoyable summers as a teen was when I stayed home. I enjoyed sleeping in, reading, just chilling. Some babysitting jobs came up here and there, which was ended up being more than enough to keep me occupied.

amother

Sun, May 26 2019, 8:59 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

No, she won’t. She needs something to do.

watergirl

Sun, May 26 2019, 9:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No, she won’t. She needs something to do.

Maybe this would be a good natural consequence for her. After a week at home, she may be bored enough that she will consider volunteering somewhere.

unexpected

Sun, May 26 2019, 9:24 pm

You might be surprised. I have been in exactly this situation and it was the best thing for dd. She relaxed, she had no pressure to be cool or shticky bec she wasn't with any of her friends. It was so so so nice. I didn't go out of my way to get her stuff to do, but if I saw a good book or project at the store I picked it up for her. Otherwise, she just chilled. And she was so nice to be around.

DrMom

Sun, May 26 2019, 11:50 pm

Does she have friends who will be available during the half of summer where she has nothing planned?

Personally, I don't see what's wrong with some unstructured time during summer vacation. What's so bad about hanging out with friends, going to the library, playing outside, etc. for a few weeks?

Maybe you could give her a task like preparing dinner a few times a week?

dankbar

Mon, May 27 2019, 12:05 am

Tutoring.
Assistant to daycamp head preparing breakouts & all else.
Babysitting in daycamp the staffs' babies.
Chaperone on trips.
Travel.
Fishing, boating, hiking, camping, biking, rollerblading, bowling, game arcades.
Heading a backyard daycamp, setting up carnivals on block.
Selling for charity bake sales, lemonade stands, raffles.
Scrapbooking, organizing photo albums, photography sessions.
Baking for yom tov.
Volunteering to play during day with child who can't attend school because of illnes.
Mothers helper after school as a chesed.
Taking out twins on street for a stroll.
Excercise, aerobics, gym, yoga, pilates, swimming, jogging.
Kangoo jumping, trampoline, ziplining.
Res hab- taking out sn children or doing their homework therapy instructions at home with them.
Going to museums, day trips, libraries.
Crafting, crocheting, needlepoint, hookrugs.
Making a special noi sukkah.

amother

Coral

Mon, May 27 2019, 12:09 am

Staying home after 4 weeks in camp is great.

Make a slight schedule like, Daven by a certain hour, do one chore, do one chesed every day.

You go about your day and don't feel bad about going out without her.

There are so many things a girl that age can do.

Aylat

Mon, May 27 2019, 2:19 am

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

This. My DD13 has 9 weeks summer holiday (way too long IMO) and 1 week camp. My younger kids have 3 weeks half-day camp. They each have to get dressed and daven by a certain time each morning (not early) and have one chore each day.

DD13 draws, plays guitar, meets up with friends, plays board games and card games with her siblings, cooks and bakes, reads, goes swimming, has water fights with the neighbours, babysits....

Maybe your daughter wants a little less structure and opportunity to do her own thing?

amother

Black

Mon, May 27 2019, 7:30 am

Not too bad since she has social life and structured time first 4 weeks. I did freak out tho when DD decided one year to do only first half on last minute notice. But she was older and backed out because could not handle authority in camp so we did not feel like leaving her all empty. She was a very dificult child. BH got a day camp job that matured her a lot. It depends your area. In some areas 4 weeks without a plan is a lot. A schedule that has lets say baking deserts for yom tov twice a week etc if agreed in advance is not bad. And you give her quality time once a week minimum . If you ask why give attention I will tell you.... I just heard someone had a dificult child and when he was advised to give attention he said why should I reward the child.... The person helping and the father went for a walk. As they pasd by the father's house there were roofers fixing. He ecplained how much headaches he has from the roof. So the otyer one said are you rewarding the had roof? If it needs to be fixed and good then we do it.
Any one girl that is staying behind and the mothers can officially agree that they will meet at least twice a week?

dankbar

Mon, May 27 2019, 9:01 am

In places where all neighborhood kids are home at same time, they find what to do already with their friends. If all of her friends are away during day then it kind of gets boring to be on own.
If she likes unstructured free time you can make a loose schedule. 2-3 times a week swimming. One day, outing. 2x a week excercising. 2x week volunteering. Once a week go make the grocery order. Once a week help you with the baking for yom tov. Can come along with to mall to shop for fall clothes for everyone.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, May 27 2019, 10:34 am

Op it sounds mayne like you will go more crazy from having her hang around than she will from doing nothing. Do you have a small apartment? That makes a big difference.
Can you make a deal with her that she needs to come up with some kind of loose structure and the rest is up to her but she can't nag you or sit on your head because she picked this out, to do nothing. If she starts nagging you out of boredom you leave the house for a couple hours. A 13 year old is totally fine to be on their own.