Keeping a clean house took over my life

amother

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:03 pm

I am not sure how and when keeping a clean house took over my life and I’m trying to learn how to relax.
Let me explain, I have 3 little kids, work full time, no cleaning help, and spend at least 2 hours cleaning a day.
I can’t go to bed if the kitchen is not clean, counters and tables empty, and kitchen floor mopped.
I keep on telling myself that I should relax but as soon as I do, I get nervous that dirt is going to pile up and that the house is starting to look messy.
And whenever I do relax, I start to feel guilty.
That added to the fact that in my family (and community to a certain extent) there’s a pressure of keeping a tidy and neat home makes me feel lost at times. It’s not really a pressure but more like an expectation.
I want to learn how to relax. I also want to know if there’s anyone else that relate to that and how do they deal with it.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:11 pm

if you work full time and have three kids and being clean is super impt, why on earth dont u have cleaning help? minimum 2x week! not something to scrimp on

amother

Linen

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:19 pm

I sometimes wish I could be like you. I also work full time.. 5 kids ages 5-18 and pregnant. I'm just the opposite. I'm too ez on myself. I'll be satisfied if my dishes are washed but stay on the counter to air dry, and if I swept up the floor I'll be OK with mopping only a few times a week. My older ones can help but 2 oldest are boys and as much as boys help it'll never be like a girl.. My oldest daughter is 10 and I really don't want to over load her.
I would love for my house to be neater and cleaner but for now when I'm out house btwn 36-40 daytime hours I just can't have it like u say take over my life..

Good luck to you in finding the right balance of what must be done, what can be done by others and what u can let go of. I understand ur family and community pressure but keep in mind it won't say on ur metzaiva what a great housekeeper you were..

pesek zman

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:20 pm

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

if you work full time and have three kids and being clean is super impt, why on earth dont u have cleaning help? minimum 2x week! not something to scrimp on

Disagree! Lowering her expectations would go a lot further for her mental health and wouldn’t make a dent in her bank account.

pesek zman

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:22 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

What? Who mops more than a few times a week?

33055

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:26 pm

quote="pesek zman"]Sounds a bit OCD to me. Are you obsessive in any other area of your life?[/quote]

Sounds normal to me. 2 hours of housework a day for a family of 5 is reasonable if you don't want it to pile up.

According to the US Bureau of labor and statistics, the average woman spends 2 hrs and 15 minutes a day on household tasks.

pesek zman

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:28 pm

Squishy wrote:

quote="pesek zman"]Sounds a bit OCD to me. Are you obsessive in any other area of your life?

Sounds normal to me. 2 hours of housework a day for a family of 5 is reasonable if you don't want it to pile up.

According to the US Bureau of labor and statistics, the average woman spends 2 hrs and 15 minutes a day on household tasks.[/quote]

Yes but not all of it is cleaning. What about cooking?

pesek zman

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:30 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

OP does. She can't go to sleep unless her floor is mopped..

I find the OP to be an exception in this and not an ideal to strive to. Not letting yourself go to sleep without mopping is NOT healthy

33055

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:36 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I find the OP to be an exception in this and not an ideal to strive to. Not letting yourself go to sleep without mopping is NOT healthy

When do you think the floors should be mopped if not at night? She has 3 little kids and works.

pesek zman

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:41 pm

Squishy wrote:

When do you think the floors should be mopped if not at night? She has 3 little kids and works.

Of course in the evening but she shouldn’t be able to NOT let herself go to sleep if it’s not mopped, is what I’m saying

No matter. More and more I’m realizing that I’m on a different wavelength with what a lot of women on this site (and maybe in the world ) do

33055

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:42 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I find these numbers surprising and not reflective of my life. Perhaps I’m an outlier

How many minutes a day do you spend cooking?

I like a nice clean house, and I don't have any OCD tendencies. I can leave my house without obsessing if it is clean, but way more than 2 hours a day is spent cleaning my house.

I spent a couple of hours today cleaning up after cooking. In addition, I did other housework.

pesek zman

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:45 pm

Squishy wrote:

For the most part I don’t cook during the week (other than Thursday night for Shabbos) I cook for the week on Saturday or Sunday night. (BH I work full time and prefer to spend my time in the evening not tied to the stove, but with my family)

33055

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:48 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I see what you are saying. But it is only one room that she cleans, and her kids are little. I am assuming the dirt on her kitchen floor is food dirt for the most part. I will spot clean if any food drops primarily because I don't want to get bugs.

amother

Puce

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:50 pm

There’s nothing wrong with cleaning because you want to.
There’s something wrong with cleaning even though you don’t want to and don’t need to but feel compelled to do so anyway.
You should be able to say I know the floor could use a wash but I’d rather relax. I’ll do it tomorrow.

If you can’t then consider OCD.

amother

Wed, May 29 2019, 7:54 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I find the OP to be an exception in this and not an ideal to strive to. Not letting yourself go to sleep without mopping is NOT healthy

I actually don’t mop every day except for my kitchen floor. I usually mop twice a week.