Keeping a clean house took over my life

mommy3b2c

Thu, May 30 2019, 12:41 pm

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

I sometimes wish I could be like you. I also work full time.. 5 kids ages 5-18 and pregnant. I'm just the opposite. I'm too ez on myself. I'll be satisfied if my dishes are washed but stay on the counter to air dry, and if I swept up the floor I'll be OK with mopping only a few times a week. My older ones can help but 2 oldest are boys and as much as boys help it'll never be like a girl.. My oldest daughter is 10 and I really don't want to over load her.
I would love for my house to be neater and cleaner but for now when I'm out house btwn 36-40 daytime hours I just can't have it like u say take over my life..

Good luck to you in finding the right balance of what must be done, what can be done by others and what u can let go of. I understand ur family and community pressure but keep in mind it won't say on ur metzaiva what a great housekeeper you were..

Why can’t boys clean as well as our girls? My husband is physically capable of cleaning a lot better then I am. I am the oldest girl in my family. I have one older brother. He actually always helped more than I did. It’s your attitude that is teaching them they can’t help like girls can. I hope their wives are not crying on imamother in a few years time.

amother

Beige

Thu, May 30 2019, 12:55 pm

I totally get you!
Similar situation, except I have a 2.5 year old, and I'm in my 7th month.
I am legit ALWAYS. DOING. LAUNDRY. and dishes!!! I dont have time to blink! I am so overwhelmed thinking about shavuos.

pesek zman

Thu, May 30 2019, 12:58 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

Designate one day a week to do laundry. If you don’t have enough clothes, buy some more to last you a week.

amother

Denim

Thu, May 30 2019, 1:01 pm

I do a modified Flylady routine. I do 1-2 loads of laundry a day, make sure all dishes are washed before going to bed, and do 5-minute tidy-ups several times a day (like after supper, before bed, etc.). I clean my bathrooms and mop floors once a week. I do "zone" cleaning per Flylady but am lax about it. As long as I keep up my daily routine things stay manageable. I do think that 2 hours a day is a realistic amount of time to take to make supper and keep up with the house. It just is time-consuming, no way around it. I work and have kids that keep me up late, so I just do the best I can.

amother

Beige

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:21 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Designate one day a week to do laundry. If you don’t have enough clothes, buy some more to last you a week.

That sounds magical. Except I work full time, and I put my son to sleep at 7. I cant be doing linen, towels, whites, and colors in just 1 day! I only have 1 washing machine and 1 drier!

jewishmom6

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:29 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

That sounds magical. Except I work full time, and I put my son to sleep at 7. I cant be doing linen, towels, whites, and colors in just 1 day! I only have 1 washing machine and 1 drier!

I do laundry once or twice wk.
You dont need to be doing linen and towel load every week. IMO linen does not need to be changed so often. lower your standards.
It takes seconds to put up loads you can do that while your kid is awake.

jewishmom6

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:37 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

I do basically the same.

pesek zman

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:59 pm

jewishmom6 wrote:

Exactly. We do laundry on Saturday night that way we can fold/iron/put away things on Sunday morning before the day gets started. Lowering your standards is everything

amother

Wheat

Thu, May 30 2019, 6:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am not sure how and when keeping a clean house took over my life and I’m trying to learn how to relax.
Let me explain, I have 3 little kids, work full time, no cleaning help, and spend at least 2 hours cleaning a day.
I can’t go to bed if the kitchen is not clean, counters and tables empty, and kitchen floor mopped.
I keep on telling myself that I should relax but as soon as I do, I get nervous that dirt is going to pile up and that the house is starting to look messy.
And whenever I do relax, I start to feel guilty.
That added to the fact that in my family (and community to a certain extent) there’s a pressure of keeping a tidy and neat home makes me feel lost at times. It’s not really a pressure but more like an expectation.
I want to learn how to relax. I also want to know if there’s anyone else that relate to that and how do they deal with it.

I could have written this post word for word with all the details!!

one thing that does not affect me is the laundry. I have a great system for myself that works well for me. the cleaning part and making supper is another whole story!!

mmesti

Fri, May 31 2019, 7:08 am

OP, don't feel bad, I'm the same as you! But I take pride and give myself all credit for making it and living in a clean house because I'm capable of making it happen! Nothing feels like starting my day by making breakfast in a clean kitchen. I make my bed as soon as I get up and I make my teenager keep his room clean and vacuum the house every day and my husband helps a lot with childcare so I can clean every evening. I do laundry at night and fold it when my children go to sleep.

So give yourself some credit and keep it up!!

ra_mom

Fri, May 31 2019, 7:38 am

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Maybe you need some shortcuts. And a schedule of what cleaning must be done when.

A Swiffer-type of mop (I use the rubbermaid one) can mop the kitchen floor in under 5 minutes.
If you don't have a dishwasher, maybe now's the time to get one. Or use more paper goods. A plastic tablecloth + paper plates means the table gets cleared in a minute.
Use a feather duster for everyday dusting, and save the detail work for Erev Shabbos / Rosh Chodesh or whenever.
Put away most toys, only keep 2 or 3 out at a time so putting them away is faster.
Put on lively music when you work to make the work go quicker.
Clean as you go when you cook so the counters aren't a mess at the end.
Declutter 2 things every day so there's less stuff to get messy.

Download a cleaning schedule from a place like Flylady or one of the mommy blogs to limit your cleaning.

And do things like take before and after pictures of your work to recognize that it wasn't that bad before after all.

Good tips! I also can't manage 2 hours after a whole day of work.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, May 31 2019, 7:39 am

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

I k ow this is not the point of the post and you arent the op, but please please please dont make this how it should be. Boys are just as capable as girls to help with ANY and ALL household chores. This is what makes future husbands think they dont have to help or that they arent able.

yerushamama

Fri, May 31 2019, 8:57 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Problem is that as a friend of mine pointed out "By the time they get the hang of it, they are never home"

soap suds

Fri, May 31 2019, 9:09 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

The fact is that boys are rarely home! They have such a long day in Yeshiva, and when they finally get home they barely get a chance to unwind before it's bedtime. I expect my boys to clean up after themselves, keep their own room clean, etc. Erev Shabbos they have chores like everybody else since they do get home early. But it would be unfair to expect them to help just as much as girls do, when girls have way more free time than they do.

If you teach them to take care of their own stuff, and not expect their sisters to clean up after them, they won't be leaving their socks on the floor for their wives to pick up.

Teach your sons to be considerate of others and good misos, and when they get married they'll pull their weight and help out.

33055

Fri, May 31 2019, 9:21 am

ShishKabob wrote:

Squishy, I find that it's not ideal for us frum ladies that have large families to go by these numbers. I find that it just doesn't relate to us.
We have more kids and therefore, I need to peel more potatoes, carrots, squash, skin more chickens and check more rice than a family of 3.
It takes me way longer than 37 minutes just for dinner alone for my family. I'm not counting in breakfast and lunch.
I would start to think what's wrong with me because I don't conform to these numbers. It's because I can't conform due to the above.
Same with cleaning. You can't compare cleaning a house with 4 members to a house that has 14 members.
Unless the numbers go up a certain amount per additional person.

ITA. She asked, and I answered. The US Bureau of Labor Statistics doesn't break it down by frum or not frum. I have been cooking since 7. It's after 9. I will use more than a week's worth of 37 minutes just on Shabbos alone today.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, May 31 2019, 10:02 am

yerushamama wrote:

Problem is that as a friend of mine pointed out "By the time they get the hang of it, they are never home"

That is not a good reason to not let them help. Let them help a but here and there.
I always learned that being part of a family and household means doing your part. In my mind that means every single family member.

DVOM

Fri, May 31 2019, 1:58 pm

pesek zman wrote:

Designate one day a week to do laundry. If you don’t have enough clothes, buy some more to last you a week.

Or, if you want to try a different system, do one load a day. I put a load in before bed most nights, transfer it to dryer in the morning, fold it up when I put the new load in the next night. I just keep it revolving in and out of drawers, washer, dryer... it's a never ending task, but I prefer this than letting it build up. The six of us make a lot of laundry.