Pleeease help me emotionally handle DS’s stims

amother

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:46 am

Help I am going insane from DS (5)’s many and strange gestures and noises that he has recently started (with no prior developmental issues). Think snorting, grunting, flapping arms, etc - (not all at once thank G-d)
He hasn’t yet been assessed/diagnosed and so hasn’t yet had any intervention; we are waiting for an appointment with the paediatrician. But until then I need to remain a calm and sane mother and it is affecting me so badly. I can’t even look at him doing it without becoming a nervous wreck. I try so hard not to tell him to stop sometimes I have to bite on my tongue to stop myself telling him. But then it comes out in other ways like me snapping at him for other reasons, or sometimes even having to leave the room so I don’t lose it. I’ve tried things like thinking about his good aspects, spending extra time with him, etc but nothing seems to help in fact it seems to make it worse. Please help me before I damage my relationship with my little boy Crying

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, May 30 2019, 5:27 am

Hugs! No real advice but I have been thru a similar situation and I realized that my ds FELT my tension and acted worse. Somehow that gave me the ability to stay calm. Eventually I learned to accept him and he is now the child I am closest to! Hang in there! Things will get better, iy'h.

imasinger

Thu, May 30 2019, 6:15 am

I was going to say something similar. Many times, these behaviors can be signs of tension. Focus your attention on your own calming strategies; meditation, breathing, movement/exercise etc. Feel free to invite him to join you if he shows interest in what you're doing. You can increase his calm by attending to your own, and also model the best responses to uncomfortable feelings.

amother

Thu, May 30 2019, 6:21 am

Thanks for your responses. The thing is he doesn’t do it as a response to stress - he does it when he’s excited and happy just as much as when he’s upset. So I really don’t see a correlation. Another thing is that any advice about meditation, calming exercises etc is not applicable because I have a bunch of little kids and stopping my daily routine to do therapeutic exercises is simply impossible.

aricelli

Thu, May 30 2019, 6:57 am

One of my sons favorite stims is this strange gluglugug noise that he does over and over sort of trance like. I make it into a game. While he’s glugluglu-ing I join along. After two three minuteI change it a bit- now he starts noticing my presence. I start changing it more- he starts smiling. It becomes a song and he giggles and joins in. We add motions and sometimes animal noises and their motions. Now it become a fun bonding moment instead of a stim.

aricelli

Thu, May 30 2019, 6:59 am

Also- when he’s doing these mouth stims sometimes he needs oral input- I give him a “crazy” straw with heavy liquids, a harmonica or a plate of liquid soap with a straw to make a bubble tower. Oh - and gum is great as well

amother

Wine

Thu, May 30 2019, 7:27 am

If it's sudden see if it's related to vaccinations, or anything new that could have caused it.

Also look into the son rise approach, joining him in the stims . I think what Aricelli explained is floor time approach, both are really good.

aricelli

Thu, May 30 2019, 7:30 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Ha! You got my number! Yes!

FranticFrummie

Thu, May 30 2019, 8:09 am

Call your local children's hospital, and ask if they have classes for parents of kids on the spectrum. You need a support group that's going through the same thing, and a group therapist to walk you through the exercises that will save your sanity.

I thought I was a really awesome parent, until DD's anxiety got really bad. Her dad and I went to parenting classes for anxious kids, and I realized that there were a couple of things I was doing that was actually reinforcing her anxiety (like over-validating).

The things I learned there were very valuable, and now I'm a huge fan of classes. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent, it just means that sometimes there's a trick or two that can really turn things around (or at least make them more tolerable).

amother

Powderblue

Thu, May 30 2019, 8:21 am

If this came on suddenly, and he has had no prior developmental issues, you must consider PANDAS as a (strong) possibility. This is a classic presentation- sudden onset of tics or repetitive movements in otherwise healthy children.

If so, he needs to get onto an antibiotic protocol ASAP