Hosted by OOT shul for potential move - visiting other shuls

amother

Thu, May 30 2019, 12:09 pm

we're exploring a move to an OOT community, and we're interested in two particular shuls (near each other). we talked to people at both shuls, and said they could host us if we asked.

we asked both shuls if this would be a good shabbos for them to arrange hospitality. shul#1 wrote back in a couple days with dinner + sleeping arrangements and shul #2 didn't respond.

we're actually kind of interested in shul #2 a little more, as we learn more about the community. if we're staying with shul #1 people and eating at their meals, is it rude for us to "shul hop" at all over this shabbos? we were thinking of going friday night and for saturday mincha / 3rd meal to shul #1, and to saturday morning at shul #2. will this be considered rude? any ideas on how to handle?

OOTforlife

Thu, May 30 2019, 12:15 pm

I think it's fine, as long as you're open about the fact that you plan to explore both ahead of time.

But as a word to the wise, you should take a moment to consider what it means that one shul promptly offered you hospitality and the other simply didn't respond to your request. That would be a significant data point in my book.

Edit: to be DLKZ, maybe the latter shul contact was just overwhelmed or sick this week, so I don't want to say that this should drive your entire decision. Just that it might be something to consider.

amother

Thu, May 30 2019, 2:11 pm

OOTforlife wrote:

I think it's fine, as long as you're open about the fact that you plan to explore both ahead of time.

the people hosting us for meals don't need to know, right? just tell the family we're staying with, I'm thinking.

Quote:

But as a word to the wise, you should take a moment to consider what it means that one shul promptly offered you hospitality and the other simply didn't respond to your request. That would be a significant data point in my book.

Edit: to be DLKZ, maybe the latter shul contact was just overwhelmed or sick this week, so I don't want to say that this should drive your entire decision. Just that it might be something to consider.

that's certainly a something we thought about. shul #2 is a bigger, older shul. it could be one of those "money shuls" that aren't really interested in bringing in new, young families. the rabbi took a week to respond to us to have an intro call, and only after a follow-up email. but this shul is more in line with our hashkafa than shul #1.

amother

Ecru

Thu, May 30 2019, 2:15 pm

I would think they will be expecting to see you at their shul/kiddush etc
it might not be appreciated if you don't go to their shul and go to the other
if anything it would be menschlict to let them know first -- won't they be expecting to walk with you to meals from shul?
don't you think they'll notice?

while understandable honestly I might mind if I was asked to host and did so and then realized the people were going to the other shul ,more interested in that shul, but using my hospitality because the other didn't offer

amother

Blush

Thu, May 30 2019, 2:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think it’s ok unless the rabbi of either Shul puts you up.

melbee

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:08 pm

I would think it's fine. I live OOT and when people come to visit, we encourage them to go to both shuls so they can really get a sense of what our community has and see where they can picture themselves. If you're staying at shul #1, it would probably be nice to mention to someone that you're planning on checking out shul #2 for shacharis. I'd be surprised if they're offended, I think it's very normal to want to get a good look at everything and I'd assume if the situation were reversed and you were staying at shul #2, you'd want to visit shul #1 also.

Thu, May 30 2019, 3:16 pm

It's totally ok. I do recommend that you make it clear that you are visiting both and hope to meet families from both shuls to avoid misunderstandings and to facilitate meeting people. IME, it is pretty standard for visitors to try to get a feel for the entire community, not just one segment.