Please explain why a handbag is worth $500?

SixOfWands

Fri, May 31 2019, 11:00 am

Fox wrote:

Nope. I own five handbags. One is a lambskin evening clutch that was a gift circa 1980. One is a Tom Ford evening shoulder bag. Three are LV black Epi finish bags: a Speedy 25, a Pont Nuef, and a Sorbonne. I also have six Hermes scarves. I buy my clothes to match my scarves and handbags, not the other way around.

I do alternate the Speedy and Pont Nuef somewhat. The Sorbonne is more of a briefcase, so I only use it on occasions where I need a larger bag.

I haven't bought a bag in a long time because I pretty much have everything I can use. I buy everything on the secondary market, and I do keep an eye out, but I haven't been tempted in a while. I expect my bags to last 30+ years, so I don't buy anything that I don't think I'll want to wear when I'm 80!

I own more bags, but lower end than Fox. But the fact is that I still own purses that I bought in the early 90s ... and some of them look brand new notwithstanding years of hard use. For example, today I'm carrying a Kate Spade bag that's maybe 3 years old, and it looks like it came from the store yesterday.

Meanwhile, I have friends who use lower-quality purses, and have purchased several in the same time period. So, in the end, they don't really save all that much money.

Fox

Fri, May 31 2019, 12:16 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Did you know that if you light a candle, look in a mirror, and say "handbag" three times, Fox will appear? Surprised

Lol! If I don't reply quickly enough to handbag threads, I start getting PMs and WhatsApp messages! As if I'm some kind of handbag mashgiach who needs to sign off on whether bags are kosher or not. LOL

Actually, Cerulean Amother, I don't necessarily disagree with you. If using "tznius" is confusing to some people, I would suggest "seemly." Expenditures that are wildly outside the norms of your community are not seemly. Even if you can afford it; even if your lifestyle is not lavish, etc., etc.

The fact is, though, that if you live in a part of the world where (a) you have Internet; and (b) you have a handbag, then you are already living a pretty luxurious life compared to much of the world.
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So let me break it down a little more. What causes resentment and disapproval? What makes people sour instead of happy when you enjoy a luxury? A lot of it has to do with proportion and attitude.

The proportion part I've mentioned. A favorite luxury has to be both within your budget as well as not wildly outside community norms.

The attitude, though, is just as important. If you identify a limited number of luxuries you enjoy and otherwise live frugally, normal, mature people will be happy for you. They may privately wonder why you would spend $500 on a handbag rather than a new couch, but they don't resent it.

However, if you act like you're disgusted by the thought of anything less than a top-of-the-line bag, then you deserve all the scorn you'll get. And if you constantly narrate your search for the perfect handbag, then you will be a bore and a braggart.

But guess what? The same is true no matter how you spend your money. We have a whole digital history of snark here on Imamother proving this. If somebody is discussing nice china, there's always someone to say, "Well, I prefer to use paper goods and spend my money on better food." If somebody is talking about where to live, there's always someone to say, "Well, I prefer the kedushah of living in EY rather than having a big house in America."

Bottom line, if you're obnoxious about insisting that everyone has to share your preferences, whatever zchar you got for using your resources wisely has been wiped out and then some.
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For the third time in 6 years, I'm cleaning out my parents' home. First I cleaned out a retirement community duplex with a basement that still gives me nightmares. I've never seen so much junk in my life. Then I cleaned out their Florida condo, where they had almost as much junk, but Boruch Hashem, no basement. Now they're both going into assisted care living, and I'm cleaning out their apartment.

My parents were kids during the Depression and are the kinds of people who save string and carefully tuck away the rubber bands that come on the mail. Beyond frugal!

But what I've discovered in these cleanup jobs is that they bought tons of inexpensive stuff they didn't love. I have so far thrown away or donated 17 evening bags. My mother was a college professor! Where the heck did she go in the evening!?

Each one of these 17 bags was a bargain -- less than $10, I'm sure. But because she didn't love any of them, she was always looking for a new one, one that would be just a little more "this" or a little less "that."

Repeat this pattern with every single category of possession.

If you take your time and only buy things you really love, even if they're more expensive, you lose the urge to constantly shop and acquire new things. In other words, my mother has never been mindful about her purchases. She sees something; it's objectively inexpensive and she can easily afford it; she buys it. And now I'm throwing it all away.

I grew up thinking of my parents as extremely frugal. Now I realize they were often quite wasteful. They never gave serious thought to what was valuable to them and what didn't matter to them. They just looked for bargains. Well, a bargain isn't a bargain if you're looking to replace it or augment it before you've snipped of the tags.
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It's one thing to take a stand against the excessive consumption and must-have creep that our community is grappling with. It's another to insist that everyone share your precise set of priorities. The former is laudatory; the latter is just immature and lacking in introspection.

Fox

Fri, May 31 2019, 12:25 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Question for those who have nice bags;

Who do you leave them to in your will? Is there enough goodies to leave something fantastic to each DD and DIL?

One of my three DDs, Clementine, is equally enamored with handbags. She owns an LV Monogram Keepall 60 for travel; an LV monogram clutch; and an LV black Epi Sorbonne (like mine). Again, all purchased on the secondary market. I gave her the clutch, and she bought the others.

My other two DDs are sane. Whoops, I mean, they aren't obsessed with handbags. I've promised to give them nice bags, but they haven't settled on what they want yet.

The three of us share my two evening bags.

The goal is that the first handbag lasts 20-30 years, and by that time, you and/or your husband can afford the next one!

As for who gets them at 120, I"YH, I haven't figured that out.

southernbubby

Fri, May 31 2019, 12:37 pm

Fox wrote:

I agree with what you say about your parents' generation who were enamored with bargains but didn't use much of what they bought because I have seen that behavior in that generation when credit cards and bargain stores came on the scene.
For myself, I am too absent minded and forgetful to carry a bag that can be left in a shopping cart. I have to wear my phone and wallet on my person. Cheap bags work okay for me. I am also not living somewhere where I have to look any certain way (other than tznius). I do admire nice things, however.

amother

Salmon

Fri, May 31 2019, 12:40 pm

[quote=

The attitude, though, is just as important. If you identify a limited number of luxuries you enjoy and otherwise live frugally, normal, mature people will be

But what I've discovered in these cleanup jobs is that they bought tons of inexpensive stuff they didn't love. I have so far thrown away or donated 17 evening bags. My mother was a college professor! Where the heck did she go in the evening!?

Each one of these 17 bags was a bargain -- less than $10, I'm sure. But because she didn't love any of them, she was always looking for a new one, one that would be just a little more "this" or a little less "that."

Repeat this pattern with every single category of possession.

If you take your time and only buy things you really love, even if they're more expensive, you lose the urge to constantly shop and acquire new things. In other words, my mother has never been mindful about her purchases. She sees something; it's objectively inexpensive and she can easily afford it; she buys it. And now I'm throwing it all away.

I grew up thinking of my parents as extremely frugal. Now I realize they were often quite wasteful. They never gave serious thought to what was valuable to them and what didn't matter to them. They just looked for bargains. Well, a bargain isn't a bargain if you're looking to replace it or augment it before you've snipped of the tags.
_____________________

It's one thing to take a stand against the excessive consumption and must-have creep that our community is grappling with. It's another to insist that everyone share your precise set of priorities. The former is laudatory; the latter is just immature and lacking in introspection.[/quote]

I can’t agree with this more. I have a sore spot for expensive stuff. I only own Stuart weitzman and ferragamo shoes, several Hermès scarves and my clothing are on the higher end. However I am completely satisfied to wear these shoes, scarves-and the handbag that’s already five years old-for years on end. Same with my clothing. I do not replace them often.
I had a neighbor that was always on the lookout for cheap stuff and not a day would go by without her coming home with a loaded bag of $5-10 items. She would always justify her nonstop purchases that it’s way cheaper than my stuff. However, what I didn’t want to tell her is that had she added up ALL the cost of all the items she bought she was not very far behind.

pause

Fri, May 31 2019, 12:48 pm

For those of you who have multiple handbags, this is something I've always wondered about: Do you transfer the contents of the handbag each time you use a different one? Right now, in my bag I have a wallet (which matches the bag), a siddur, a small water bottle, sunglasses, my phone, keys, a small mirror, a pen, and other odds and ends I like to have with me just in case. If I decided to use a different one of my non-existent handbags today, what do I do with all these stuff? Transfer each time? Have a siddur, glasses, pen, mirror, etc. in each bag and only transfer phone, keys, and wallet? Another problem is that my wallet won't match a different color handbag. How do you work out the logistics of using a different handbag each day?

I do own an evening bag which is such a hassle each time I use it. I need to transfer money, phone, keys, etc. I do perpetually keep a spare comb there. I can't imagine doing this each day to match my outfit!

singleagain

Fri, May 31 2019, 1:03 pm

pause wrote:

I don't carry a purse at all, on a normal day ... Just a phone wallet. But I see this (or similar) pop up all over

Purse Organzier, Bag Organizer with Metal Zipper (Medium, Beige) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D.....Q4BEG

SixOfWands

Fri, May 31 2019, 1:09 pm

pause wrote:

I don't switch bags daily, maybe a few times a month. It only takes a couple of minutes. Its also a good time to get rid of the detritus of receipts I shoved in, or old tissues.

No need for my wallet to match my purse. I buy wallets that last forever. My last one was more than 20 years old, and only replaced it because I was so tired of it already; it could definitely have gone another decade or two. The "new" one is already a few years old, but looks new.