At what age did your kids put themselves to sleep?

amother

Thu, May 30 2019, 8:56 pm

I have an 11-yo DS who literally can't go to sleep until DH or I says Shema with him and tucks him in and gives him a goodnight kiss. DH and I keep wondering if it's normal and when he'll "grow out of it." Just wondering when your kids decided they were big enough to put themselves to sleep. Feel free to include gender if you feel it's relevant.

amother

Pearl

Thu, May 30 2019, 9:25 pm

At 11 I think a child is old enough to say shema by themselves. But a good night kiss is still age appropriate. Dunno about the tucking in, I think it depends on the child.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, May 30 2019, 9:57 pm

LOL my 18 month old will jump out of my arms into her crib. She’ll cry if you don’t close the door fast enough behind you when you leave.

Just enjoy it, OP, it doesn’t sound like anything worrisome.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, May 30 2019, 10:42 pm

My mom tucked me in for a long time! Definitely past age 12, because I remember the night I turned Bas Mitzvah. I don't see anything wrong with it.

mommyhood

Thu, May 30 2019, 11:02 pm

What happens if you’re out during bedtime. Does he stay up until you get home or can he fall asleep then. If he can fall asleep when you’re not around then I think there’s nothing wrong with him needing you when you are around. If he’s staying up until you walk in at midnight that’s a problem.

amother

Teal

Thu, May 30 2019, 11:12 pm

My son started locking his door and putting himself to bed at 12. Until then it bothered me when he was younger that he expected me to put him to bed when he was really growing up and should have been more independent.
Sadly, we have big problems with my now 13 year old son. He has become involved with a few boys who are terrible influences. He doesn’t respect us anymore and blocks us out of his life.
Just the other day I was thinking how only a year and a half ago I would sit with him and talk for a long time before he went to sleep. I wish I could go back to those innocent days.
Experts in parenting will tell you how important it is to spend private time with each child for a few minutes before they fall asleep.

amother

Gray

Thu, May 30 2019, 11:18 pm

My oldest is nearing 13 and I am still waiting for this to happen. Everyone wants either me or DH to not only tuck in but lie down with them for a few minutes.

amother

Papaya

Thu, May 30 2019, 11:21 pm

Funny because I was just thinking about that tonight when my 10.5 year old was asking me to put him to sleep . I put him in every night , say shema and sometimes stay and talk with him for a few min but tonight I was busy with my younger child so I was quick with putting him to bed . I was a little annoyed that he was telling me to come back to him after I dealt with my little one bec I feel that he is old enough that I don’t need to talk with him in bed every night . I was antsy to have my own downtime already . Now I feel bad that I didn’t go back to him .

Teomima

Thu, May 30 2019, 11:26 pm

Why is this even an issue? It would never occur to me to be bothered by that. I mean, yes, if he literally can't fall asleep without you it would be annoying if you were gone at bedtime, but otherwise, what's the problem? I still do this with my oldest (10yo) and while I figure sure, at some point she'll just want to go straight to bed by herself, I've probably got years till then and meanwhile I love the few moments of one on one time bedtime can offer.

amother

Plum

Fri, May 31 2019, 1:55 am

DS 11 needs me to sit with him and to listen to an audiobook in order to fall asleep. Unless he's absolutely exhausted and crashes on the couch. He has other sleep-related issues.

On the other hand, DS 9 can put himself to sleep, though he likes when I sit with him for 10 minutes and put on music or an audiobook for him. When DD was 11 she didn't need me to sit with her, but liked it when I did. She liked me to massage her feet. She's going on 14 and I normally pop in to say goodnight and tell her to stop reading - except for the times I go to sleep before her. It's a personality thing.

amother

Aqua

Fri, May 31 2019, 2:40 am

I once read that it's normal and healthy for people to have support through 'transitions'. When a child is going to sleep, they are transitioning from awake to asleep, and this is a time they want (and may need) reassurance. Adults can also benefit from this and it's good for emotional health.

teachkids

Fri, May 31 2019, 6:12 am

He may just want a few minutes alone with you. When I'm at my parents I often stop in the kitchen and shmooze with my mother for a few minutes before heading to bed

wantavaca

Fri, May 31 2019, 8:17 am

He can for sure want it and you can for sure enjoy that time with him however long you both want. The key, imo, is that if you are too tired or busy or just not in the mood he has to be ok with that too.

salt

Thu, Jun 06 2019, 4:33 am

My 11 year old DD and 13 year old DS call me when they've finished saying shema and are lying down, and I go and say good night.
I do say shema together with my 7 yr old DD, in her bed.
If I need to go out, they will go to bed without me.

My older ones are often in bed after me. But if I am still awake when they're actually in bed, I pop my head in to their room just to say good night/ ask them if they want to be woken at any particular time in the morning.