Where you or your child left back a yr? Why? Regret it?

amother

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 10:14 am

I was told my child (in kindergarten -just turned 5 yrs old) is on the lower end emotionaly and academically - he is keeping up in his own bh and can go to the next grade but is at the lower end. I have spoken to two people with experience (principals in two diff schools) who told me it's better to leave him back. They say better he be on top of the class then on the bottom since self esteem and self confidence is so important these days. His birthday is not near the cutoff date - it's 5-6 months after. I need to decide withen the next week or so.
What do you think? Anyone here left back and regret it? Would it be uncomfortable for him when people ask what grade he is in and how old he is? Or if he has his bar mitzvah way before anyone else? And if yes is it worth it for the advantages of keeping him behind?

amother

Denim

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 10:24 am

Dd repeated kindergarten. She was intimidated by her classmates and academically not great. She’s now 13. She did great and is doing great Bh. She’s born mid oct

I’m very happy I did it.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 10:25 am

I had my daughter go to kindergarten twice and don't regret it.(but her birthday was past the cutoff in the beginning so she is one of the older ones now but not the oldest. Also lots of girls went back so she had her friends still)
I also have two sisters do it who are both bh married today and both say it was better for them to have gone back and are happy my parents had them repeat.

amother

Black

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 11:04 am

My mother is in her 50s and she was held back twice in elementary school. I was shocked when she told me since it really didn't affect her at all once she graduated high school.

yerushamama

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 11:04 am

Two of my daughters repeated a preschool grade, as did my granddaughter. All of them were just
barely on the right side of the cutoff. One of my daughters and my granddaughter were too immature to put into the next class, and my other daughter had more friends in the younger class. I do not regret it at all in the case of my daughters, and my granddaughter's parents fought for her to stay back.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 11:10 am

My DD is November. Her school has multiple kindergarten classes, yet they chose to place her in a neighborhood class (not my request) where the kids were mostly 1 year older than her. A June kid was the next to youngest.

DD cried alot and definitely wasn't up to par to the others. I complained alot. The school recommended that DD repeats kindergarten.

BH it worked out. When DD was in Pre1A she struggled a bit with sounds. She was gladly given all the services she needed. (I was warned by the school that if she doesn't repeat and needs services, they will ask me why I didn't repeat kindergarten. I thought it was mean at that time, but I understand now.)

Socially, DD is doing amazing. Bh. Acedemically, DD is keeping up. She is in first grade and did require some additional help with reading. She was ok with kriah and it recently improved a lot.

The only negative, DD is very aware that she is the oldest, but bh within a few weeks other kids celebrates their birthday as well.

Sake

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 11:47 am

My oldest did kindergarten twice for that reason. I was offended and hurt when it happened, but it was for the best. He also did a “victory lap” at the end of high school and graduated with his sister who was a year ahead. Both are now about to enter 4th year University and he is the one who has already landed a top job in his field.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 5:50 pm

I kept 2 children back and it was the best thing I ever did for them. Additionally for a boy, it means giving them an extra year before the pressure of school (which is much greater than for a girl) and an extra year before getting up for minyan and a longer school day. If he's truly bored down the line you can skip.him.but to push him when he is not developmentally and emotionally ready is setting him up to struggle every day.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 6:13 pm

I was sort of in between the cutline. My parents put me in the older class and then I repeated pre 1A again. I was the oldest and mostly I didn't mind. I was a late bloomer even compared to my classmates that were yonger than me (hit puberty at age almost 14), and I was of the shortest in the class, so I think it worked out well. Genetics also matter--if you and your husband are smaller or larger than average and your kid has a good chance of being the same, take that into account. I don't think its good for kids to be head and shoulder taller than the classmates. In terms of maturity and accedemics, it is certainly horrible to be at the bottom of the class, but it is not so terrible to be of the more mature and smart of the class. way better to be at the top than the bottom.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 6:50 pm

My oldest was left back because at 6 she didn't recognize most of the letters in the alphabet. I voluntarily left my youngest behind when she switched schools because her former school didn't teach Chumash yet and this school did. Fast forward - My oldest is a nurse and my youngest is a Pathalogist. Early years mean nothing

amother

Cyan

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 8:32 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Beautiful! This gives me tons of chizuk cuz my son is in preK, almost 5, still not recognizing most Hebrew or English letters, let alone knowing their sounds. We’re leaning toward having him repeat preK in another school. Nervous cuz want to make the best decision.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 10:18 pm

Maybe things are different nowadays but 30 years ago my husband repeated first grade. He was not born near the deadline he was about 6 months older than the rest of his new class. Bar mitzvah season was very hard on him.
He had lifelong self esteem issues from this. Till today his friends talk about how he flunked out of their class. The flunking was all bad for him. He didn’t do well academically in the new class either so there was no good from it.

sweet

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 10:35 pm

I wouldnt repeat a child that will be at least 6 months older then everyone else!

To be the only boy wearing a white shirt at least 6 months before the boy next to him.
NEVER.

Can you try working with him over the summer to bring him up to grade level?

I have a son born in mid. Nov. , his bday is 1 week before the cut off date and Im so glad I kept him in the right class.
Hes now 6.5.
And a great reader and speller, and knows all his chumash words..
Yes. In K he wasnt at the top academically and now in 1st grade he caught up!

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 3:25 am

My daughter repeated Nursery
She's just a bit older than the rest of her classmates
Best decision ever bh!
She's the easygoing, happy-go-lucky type. I'm happy she's in 3rd grade now and not 4th.
It's great that she gets an extra year of less pressure.

amother

Violet

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 4:11 am

I am a teacher of 6 year olds, I find that children that were struggling socially or emotionally it was a benefit for them to stay down but children that struggle academically usually stay weak and then it gets even more difficult for them because they are also older but still need a lot of extra help in learning.. But if your child does not seem ready to start learning and might get overwhelmed then it's worth keeping down. One year we had a child that cried every time we have work or had to sit quietly, she found it too much so she was put down a class (a few weeks in) in academics she stayed weak but she was more prepared for proper school a year later.
Hatzlocho whatever you do

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 8:34 am

I missed the cutoff by a day and had to repeat nursery. I was always the oldest in my class. I turned out ok. BH I did very well academically. I'm not sure if it was because I was older. I was ok socially too. I was never one of the popular girls, but that's just not my personality.