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Where you or your child left back a yr? Why? Regret it?
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amother




Magenta


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 8:41 am
I never yet held a child back. But I think I will be doing so with my youngest, he is the youngest in his grade nd not very mature.

Main reason why I want to hold him back:
I pushed one of my kids ahead, he was one of the youngest in his grade. It was so hard for him, he really wasnt up to it socally.
What s more, being a boy, he totally wasnt ready for gemara when his class started. It was really depressing for him that he just couldnt understand it.

I think with a girl I would hesitate to hold her back, but with a boy I would definitely hold back if its been recomended.
Hope this is helfpul.
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mfb




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:18 am
Most people answering here are saying they or their child was very close to the cutoff date.
That is very very different than making a child 6 months older than the next one in his class.
Especially by a boy where he will need to put on a hat/ tefillin way way before most kids are even thinking of it.


Last edited by mfb on Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Oak


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:22 am
My niece was near the cutoff, and her parents decided to hold her back for maturity purposes.

She graduated from medical school a couple of weeks ago.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:53 am
I was advised to repeat kdgn for my daughter with that tired phrase "better to be at the top of the class a year later."

But the developmental delays were just an indication of what was to come. She is now the oldest in the class, and struggles academically. Socially, she would be fine at the older age level. The advice I got was disastrous. Because she was older, she was able to compensate more in kdgn and primary and her delays were less evident so she received no services. By the time the school believed me, the added services were late in coming. She still struggles and has a hard time in school.

The poster who said if they are doing well socially, they should stay with their age level is really right. The learning difficulties will not be helped by time. They need more targeted intervention.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:07 pm
I was kept back a year - I repeated kindergarten. I was born just after the cut-off, and my parents initially put me ahead. I apparently cried alot in kindergarten, didn't want to get on the bus, wanted to come home, stuff like that. (I honestly have no recollection of that, but I do remember that there were some kids in my class who were mean to me.) My parents decided to keep me back for the next year, even though I already knew how to read (learned over my older brother's shoulder) and was considered more than ready academically.

I have never had any regrets, personally.

When a niece of mine was being kept back (for social reasons, she's very bright academically) I took her out for icecream and told her I was President of the Repeater's Club. She did just fine. She is B"AH graduating high school this year.
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:14 pm
Not sure where OP is located but in Lakewood some of the boys schools have everyone wearing white shirts a few grades before bar mitzvah. I cant recall if it was grade 7 or 8. If you send to a school that does that, he won't stand out.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:19 pm
Actually, he will most certainly stand out. Not for the white shirt but for puberty. Especially, if he physically matures early, then he will have facial hair and voice changes much earlier. Obviously, someone has to be the first, but by months?? Not pleasant. Kids can be very cruel. And once bar mitzvah'ed, that left-back boy has to daven with a minyan while the others don't. And even if you say, so he'll shave. Guess what? sefirah comes along for quite an extended period of time. And the 3 weeks in the summer. That boy with peach fuzz walking around the smooth baby faces will get picked on. Guaranteed.
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mfb




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:50 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
Actually, he will most certainly stand out. Not for the white shirt but for puberty. Especially, if he physically matures early, then he will have facial hair and voice changes much earlier. Obviously, someone has to be the first, but by months?? Not pleasant. Kids can be very cruel. And once bar mitzvah'ed, that left-back boy has to daven with a minyan while the others don't. And even if you say, so he'll shave. Guess what? sefirah comes along for quite an extended period of time. And the 3 weeks in the summer. That boy with peach fuzz walking around the smooth baby faces will get picked on. Guaranteed.

Totally agree with this to!!!!
Not sure why people keep answering when they were close to the cutoff date!
This is a very very different issue. Being a couple of days older than the oldest is no big deal. Being 6 months older than the oldest and a year and a half older than the youngest is a much much bigger issues! This child is very far from the cutoff date!!
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:51 pm
I just had to make that choice and my child is going to do another year in pre1a. It was discussion to do another year of kindergarten but in this case I am am happy with my choice that her do over year will be with reading. Birthday is near the cut off so that makes it easier but still hard.one of the advice I was given was not use to word repeat.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:54 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
Actually, he will most certainly stand out. Not for the white shirt but for puberty. Especially, if he physically matures early, then he will have facial hair and voice changes much earlier. Obviously, someone has to be the first, but by months?? Not pleasant. Kids can be very cruel. And once bar mitzvah'ed, that left-back boy has to daven with a minyan while the others don't. And even if you say, so he'll shave. Guess what? sefirah comes along for quite an extended period of time. And the 3 weeks in the summer. That boy with peach fuzz walking around the smooth baby faces will get picked on. Guaranteed.

everyone hits puberty at different timing so just because he's a few months older doesn't make it that he will be first that would not be a reason to not do it.
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hotzenplotz




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 3:11 pm
I wish you hatzlocha in your decision!!
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mommyX2




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 03 2019, 3:40 pm
held back my son aroudn this age. we dont regret it at all.
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