My son wants an electric scooter for his birthday

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:16 pm

My son is turning 7 and keeps asking for an electric scooter for his birthday. Only one of his friends has one and it's not a close friend of his. We have told him that it's very expensive and maybe when he gets older, we can get it for him but not at this age. He is not happy and keeps asking again and again. (pretty much every day for the past few weeks). He gets upset each time we say no and it's getting a bit stressful. I read him a story from Kids Speak about a kid that was always asking his parents for things and he seemed to understand the lesson at the end of the story but he still asked us again this morning for an electric scooter. He asks for a lot of things in general and has a bit of a hard time accepting a no. Anyone have any ideas for me? I have tried validating him, talking to him and offering to get him something that's not as expensive but he seems hung up on this. What would you do in my situation? He did say if we don't want to get him a scooter, he would take a playmobil set but I looked online at the specific one he wants and it's almost $200. We don't have the money to buy that kind of gift right now. Anyone else have a kid that has expensive taste and how do you deal with their constant requests? TIA

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 4:00 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I would say NO whether I had the money or not at the time. I would not ask anyone to chip in. The worst thing you can do is give in to a 7 year old demanding expensive presents. The demands are only going to increase.

BH I have the money to indulge my kids. I choose to teach them not to behave like your son is.

Can you tell me how you teach that to you kids? I've talked to my son about hakaras hatov and appreciating what we do have but he still keeps asking for things. He gets quite worked up and starts crying easily but that tactic usually doesn't work with me or my husband. It's not like we're spoiling him but we do buy him small things here and there. I'm not sure where we're going wrong or if some kids have more of a needy nature than others.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 4:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You keep saying no. Its not easy, I know. And its not you. Some kids are just like that.

I wouldn't get an electric scooter for a kid that age, regardless of money. Not to mention that they're illegal where I live.

In this case, I'd sympathize with him -- gosh, I"m sure they're a lot of fun, but we don't consider them safe for your age, and we prefer you to get exercise.

Then offer him alternatives. He can get a kick scooter. Or he can get an experience -- bumper cars, something like that.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Like Ruchel said, just say no. To be frank, you are raising an entitled brat. Don't offer him alternatives when he acts like this.

TBH, I could afford everything my kids asked for. You can't indulge them if they aren't appreciative. I often skip birthday presents and chanukah presents to teach the values that are important to me. My kids never demanded presents or asked for chanukah and birthday presents. Life shouldn't be about material possessions.

They will tell me what they need like new ice skates, and we will get them because they need in, not because someone else has better. Never give in to that.

My kids are unspoiled BH, and we have more than most BH.

simcha2

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:34 am

At 7 he has no sense of money. A 7 year old doesn't know that one scooter is $30 and another $200 and what that means. He just knows that he wants the one that goes fast.

The issue seems to be he is having trouble hearing no, because he doesn't understand the value.

I don't think you are raising an entitled child, I think you're raising a child whose love language is gift getting and who doesn't understand money.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:47 am

simcha2 wrote:

Are you kidding me? At 7, they have a concept of expensive and better. They are aware of what their peers have and don't have.

My son was having me park behind a large school van to pick him up because my car was "too fancy" in second grade.

simcha2

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:09 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Only if fancy is a conversation. And even if they understand "better" or "fancy" that doesn't relate to actual dollars and cents.

Ask a 7 year old how much a candy costs, a scooter, a house? They don't know the relative price.

Yes, you should talk about value, gratitude etc and be comfortable saying no. We used the line "different families choose to spend their money differently".

You used the example of ice skates as a need. They are obviously a want, as no one needs to go ice skating. That is how you are choosing to spend your money. For a kid, it might be hard to tell the difference between ice skates and a scooter. Birthday presents may not be a big deal in your family where all needs (and wants disguised as needs) are taken care of. But I think telling op (under amother) that she is raising a brat is nasty.

Bh, we are able to meet all my kids needs, (even those that most people would say are wants), and we teach lots of values around money. (Tzedaka, we don't buy the fanciest models (phones, cars, clothes, strollers etc) only used cars - even though we could buy new). And I still have one kid who has always asked for stuff. Why? that is his love language. My other kids could care less. It is not to do with a difference in parenting. We work harder with this kid to manage expectations and learn the cost of things.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:20 am

simcha2 wrote:

I am sure kids know quality even at 6. I substituted in a first grade this year, maybe kids are getting extra materialistic, but they mentioned my glasses were expensive and my watches were expensive. The kids always notice my cars. I don't remember ever being so concerned with what others have or not have. OP's son is subject to the same influences my son was at 7. If their peers are noticing, then they get an awareness.

simcha2

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:35 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I have no idea where you live. But I have never heard something like that with first graders. (And I volunteer with that age group). If it was common, I would want to move. I would never want to raise my kidsin an environment where they are noticing the cost of glasses at 6. In my experience, at 6 they comment on the color of the frames.

amother

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:03 pm

simcha2 wrote:

Thank you for not trying to put the blame on me and you are probably right that my son's love language is gift getting. He told me that himself when I discussed the 5 love languages with him. He gets a lot of love and attention from me and I hug and kiss him so he's definitely not lacking in these areas. I don't have a lot of children so I'm able to give him a lot of emotional love which he does appreciate but that's not his ultimate language of love. His is getting stuff. My question is how can I work with this and not raise a kid that is always asking for things. I've had a lot of discussions with him about material things and that's not what truly makes a person happy and about learning to accept a no more willingly but this issue continuously comes up so obviously I'm not getting too far with him. He is a smart kid and we have great conversations but at the end of the day, he still wants what he wants. We have a very wealthy family that lives near us who's parents/grandparents buy them every latest gadget that a kid could think of. My son does notice and it's not that he's jealous but it makes him more aware of these new exciting things and his first thought is that he would love to have these stuff as well. He doesn't cry and get upset every time I say no but sometimes, he does and it's the fact that he's constantly asking for things which I'm not willing to buy just because he asked for it. He has plenty of playmobil and he has a regular scooter which lights up when it rides and he has plenty of books and cd's, coloring books, gel pens, painting stuff, etc so it's not like he's lacking in general. It's the fact that he is always seeking more & more. Any tips or advice if you have a similar type of child? I know that not all kids are like this.

amother

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:12 pm

I just want to add that he also has a bike which I got him last summer and he is already asking for a newer one. He also has a bunch of different lego sets and he does play with the stuff that he has. However, I see the way he lights up when he gets something new and he opens the box and explores the new toy/game/lego set etc. It gives him such a thrill and he does thank me and my husband a lot when he gets something new so he has a grateful side as well. He is very expressive and tells me how much he appreciates his new stuff and how happy he is. He'll hug and kiss us as well to show us how grateful he is and it's very cute but I don't think that just because he has hakaras hatov is enough of a reason to buy him these expensive/inexpensive things every time he asks especially because we're not that comfortable financially.