How would you respond?

amother

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 1:45 am

This happened a couple of years ago, but it just came back to me the other day.

My DD (she was about 5 or 6 yrs old) was unwell - fever/stomach bug/the usual.
When she was starting to feel better, I said something like "See how Hashem made you feel better. We have to be really thankful."
To which she answered "Yeh, but it was Hashem that made me sick in the first place!"

I don't actually remember how I responded.

What would you say, to a child that age?

cinnamon

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 2:04 am

I would just say "yes your right!" And I would compliment her on being so smart.
If I see it bothers her I would talk about how everything Hashem does is good even if we don't know whats good about it.
I might tell her the story of Nachum ish Gamzu and see if we can come up with something good that came out of her being sick. (She got to stay home with mommy) but tell her that even if we can't find enything good we still belive it is good.

amother

Coral

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 2:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Interestingly, I once heard almost the exact same conversation with a friend’s DD a year younger than your DD and her Rabbi Father. The only difference was that it was the Father pointing out that Hashem made the headache better and also gave her the headache in the first place! So yes, definitely compliment her on her smartness. 🙂

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 5:51 am

I have several chronic illnesses, and DD has only known me as a "sick mom". One day (at about age 6) she asked me "Mama, why did Hashem make you sick?" I thought really hard about that, and told her that was a really good question.

My answer was that I used to work all the time, and would never have time for her. Because I stay home now, I can be here when she gets home from school, she will have fresh baked cookies for a snack, and home made dinners that are healthy. I will always be here when she needs me (because where else could I go?), and that Hashem knows that making me sick was the only way I would slow down and be a good mommy to her."

Honestly, I had never thought of things that way before she asked me, but as I said it I realized that it was very true. My sister and I were latchkey kids, we had to make our own dinners, and both parents worked. My dad worked 60+ hours a week, and if I saw him for a few hours on Saturday that was a big deal.

Sometimes wisdom doesn't come from having the right answers, but from asking the right questions.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 2:43 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Wow. That was a magnificent thing to read. I have a chronic illness too and struggle a lot with how "small" and limited my life has become. Reading this beautiful outlook just really lifted me up. Heart

penguin

Tue, Jun 04 2019, 4:57 pm

You could ask the same question about Yetzias Mitzrayim. Why would we be so grateful for it if Hashem put us there in the first place? As above...

I believe Rabbi YY Jacobson in his Emunah series talks about this. You might want to listen for yourself and see what you can use to talk to a child.

And while it's a deep topic the answers above do help explain for even a young child.