Gift for non frum doctor ?

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:24 pm

A tangible gift shows appreciation because the gift is given to the person that actually did you a service and you want to thank said person. Not tell the person "thank you for your service, but I gifted someone else in your honor...."
Let's say I'm doing a friend a big favor and she tells me "thank you so much, I gifted someone else to show you appreciation...." it sounds ridiculous, I did the favor, not the charity.
Or when you have a baby, someone tells you "mazal tov, for your baby gift I made a donation in your honor.." the charity didn't have a baby....

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:29 pm

The value of giving charity shouldn't have to be explained. Before Imamother, I always thought it was a very Jewish thing to do to make a donation in honor of someone. Apparently, it's not universal.

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:32 pm

Blonde, it sounds like you are unfamiliar with this well established Jewish tradition. Stop arguing and try learning about something new. My profession is in fundraising for a Jewish non profit and what I do all day is facilitate tribute gifts that people make on behalf of someone they wish to honour.

Most of our donors are wealthy non religious Jews who understand that giving the mitzvah of tzedakah to someone shows way more appreciation than some stupid tchatchka that the receiver can easily buy themselves.

Even though they are not frum, they literally value the gift of a mitzvah as more precious than a tangible gift. People give tribute donations for all sorts of reasons, and donations given in appreciation of a doctor are super common.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:32 pm

cm, everyone should take care of their own charity. Not everyone cares about the same charities. I'd be offended if someone tells me that they donated to charity as my gift. Why would I care if that person gave to this specific chairty? If you think I did something important enough to gift me, give me an actual gift.
It's one of these new millennial trends that make no sense.
Urban gypsy, I'm not unfamiliar with this and it has always bugged me. It just makes no sense. I'm allowed to argue and voice my opinion.

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:39 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

It's one of these new millennial trends that make no sense

No it's not. Jewish people have been doing this for at least a hundred years. Our charity is very well established and I send hundreds of tribute donations a week. Most of our donors are in their 70s or older.

Look, it's too bad that you would be offended. But you always take the risk that you offend someone with your gift. I truly think it's beautiful that our donors prefer to give a mitzvah, which is priceless and eternal, as a tribute gift. Plus, for a doctor or lawyer, accepting gifts is unethical.

SixOfWands

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:44 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

Just as you're entitled to voice your opinion, others are entitled to voice their disagreement with you.

This is hardly a "new millennial trend that makes no sense." My parents, who are Silent Generation, did the same.

Not to doctors. I've never heard of gifting doctors.

In any case, most people do have charities they support, and would appreciate others supporting as well. If you're not sure what that might be, you could guess based on profession. Your cardiologist might appreciate a donation to the American Heart Association, for example. Or to a hospital where she's on staff.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:57 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

you didn't answer the question. How does a tangible gift show appreciation? What about a engraved something-or-another shows appreciation?

Regarding your friend: If she knows you love something - sure she should get you that thing to thank-you, as that thing will make you feel good.

I'm actually just now having a tree planted in Israel for a friend who recently had a baby. She doesn't need my gifts. She'll appreciate this more.

Giving to a charity is a good use of money.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:01 pm

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I guess we know what your love language is.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:03 pm

I was in a Jewish ob Drs office yesterday. I don't know how religious he is. His office was lined with pics of him holding the newborn after birth in frames that people sent him. That's what he requests to get a first photo with baby swaddled holding up in the air.

There were wines/plaques/candy jars/ Judaic items/ office items all displayed on shelves/cards.

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:05 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

I guess we know what your love language is.

Oh snap lol!

TBH I would also be mildly offended in my heart if someone gave a donation instead of a gift to me. But I realize that's because I'm poor and grew up with a poverty mindset of scrounging to get what I can out of life. It's pathetic and I fully own that. That's on me and my issues, not the giver.

People who are rich or have a "rich mindset" of abundance don't think this way.

dankbar

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:07 pm

A token of appreciation to a doctor can be something small like chocolate/ wine/liquor/ something for office engraved/ a plaque is fine as well/ a nice note with a card/ you can add a pic of your family or patient if you feel comfortable being displayed.

dankbar

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:10 pm

a donation is usually a big amount of money. A gift to a doctor can't be a very expensive item because then I'm not sure if he is allowed to take it. So a small token is fine to show gratitude.

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:11 pm

dankbar wrote:

a donation is usually a big amount of money. A gift to a doctor can't be a very expensive item because then I'm not sure if he is allowed to take it. So a small token is fine to show gratitude.

Our office policy is a minimum of $10 and we never reveal amounts.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:14 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

there are plenty of rich people who would love gifts over donations - don't beat yourself up.

A doctor-patient relationship is not the same as a friend-friend relationship.

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:15 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

there are plenty of rich people who would love gifts over donations - don't beat yourself up.

A doctor-patient relationship is not the same as a friend-friend relationship.

Thanks pumpkin LOL Hug

You are totally correct that personal gifts for a doctor are inappropriate

BatyaEsther

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:15 pm

I think the donation in the doctor's honor is lovely. It is not a new idea at all, if anything, it is an older/classy model.
I hear blonde's concern that not everyone cares about the same charity and I agree. Call his office and ask what charity is near to his heart. Either the staff will know, (he may sit on a board or have been honored at a dinner) or you can leave a message that you would like to donate in his honor-to what organization would it be most meaningful. He will not decline money to a charity and he will be touched by your thoughtfulness. (Do not leave a dollar amount in the message-that is tacky, but after the fact the letter/certificate can say).

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:16 pm

BatyaEsther wrote:

I hear blonde's concern that not everyone cares about the same charity and I agree. Call his office and ask what charity is near to his heart. Either the staff will know, (he may sit on a board or have been honored at a dinner) or you can leave a message that you would like to donate in his honor-to what organization would it be most meaningful.

That is super classy BatyaEsther. I aspire to this level of classiness!

amother

Orange

Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:40 pm

Donate to the hospital where the doctor is affiliated, and be sure to add a note that it is in honor of the wonderful, outstanding care you received from this doctor. Medical offices are political just like any other workplace, and such positive feedback can have a real affect on how the administration values the doctor. And then you can be sure that the money is going to a good cause that the doctor cares about.