If your daughter is struggling academically

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Post  Tue, Jun 04 2019, 11:43 pm
DD is finishing 6th grade.
She is a friendly, with it child. She is socially up to par and has many friends. However she struggles tremendously with school work.
Every subject is so tedious for her. She gets tutored for different subjects, has modified tests but works harder than I have ever seen.
The burden of tests and homework weighs heavily on her.
Of course we have had her evaluated many, many times but have not received any diagnosis. Sometimes I wish they would tell me what exactly is wrong so I can research the best way to teach her. My heart breaks for her as I send her off to school each day for another day of torture.
How she comes to life in the summer when there is no academic pressure!!!
I know the school year is almost over but we are so weighed down with finals that neither one of us can function properly anymore.
What is the solution for a girl who struggles academically??? Is there any hope at all?
How will she manage in high school???
Has anyone dealt with this?
Please give me chizzuk..
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:10 am
Same here, my daughters in 8th grade. It’s hard. I tell her all the time just try your best. I worry for her. I hope it’s not going to leave any insecurities
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:13 am
If you're in Brooklyn, have you looked into Ichud? They have something similar in 5 towns and Lakewood, I believe
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:22 am
Ask the school to specifically evaluate her for non verbal learning disability. It's a little known, but very common form of learning issue, that can affect even the very brightest kid. The disability can make the child look like they are far less intelligent than they actually are.

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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:28 am
What kind of evaluations did you do? Curious because here the big standard evaluation test is the psycho-didacti, and even if there's no specific disorder it does usually help pinpoint what exactly is the problem - poor language memory retrieval, for example, or poor visual memory, or a tendency to lose recently-learned information when new information is introduced.

Is there any way of doing schoolwork that's easier for her than other ways? Eg watching a video on history instead of reading the book, explaining what she wants to say in a paper verbally rather than writing it down, doing math problems that involve real-life situations rather than just numbers and variables, hands-on experimenting in science...?

Not that there's any magical solution, but figuring out exactly how kids learn best can sometimes help a lot.

Other than that - good teachers, who understand her issues and are willing to relax some of the requirements and help her feel like a good student anyway. Focus on the most important subjects and push for leniency with the others.

Find something she's good at for her and get her involved with that, out of school if necessary. Eg music, art, animation... whatever.

"Is there any hope at all" - for what? She probably won't suddenly start loving academics, but there are many many skills that are important and can be well-compensated in the working world that don't translate well to the classroom.

"How will she manage in high school" - the problems don't necessarily get worse in high school. Just take it one year at a time.
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 3:39 am
Do you live in a place where there's an option of a less academic school/program? Could you talk to the school about modifying her program (aka skipping certain subjects) and having study periods/tutoring instead?
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 11:59 am
If you can afford it, please get her involved in extracurriculars, so she has outlets to succeed in outside of school
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:05 pm
Same boat OP, could have written your post. MY dd is officially Adhd but literally the most put together organized able to sit still person ever. So it think its more of a processing disorder.
School is 12 years. Her lovely middos and personality and street smarts etc etc will serve her well in life, I've decided to provide her with as much help as I can and just NOT stress about her grades. Who cares if she gets A's or not? G-d will put her where she needs to be for a job, husband etc etc etc. I'm not going to make her crazy about grades, but I def push her to accept that she has to go to tutors etc ( mostly for her OWN self esteem).
All that being said, it's hard. Hard to see her struggle. Hard to see her study and only get an 80.
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:19 pm
Op, I'm in the same boat with my son. I want to at least put him in a music instrument class so that he can be successful in that but there's hardly any time after his HW is done.
I also worry about how he will do as he gets older.
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:20 pm
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
If you're in Brooklyn, have you looked into Ichud? They have something similar in 5 towns and Lakewood, I believe

What is ichud? I live near bklyn.
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:34 pm
Do you know her full scale IQ and the areas of strength and weakness?
Was she evaluated by a speech language pathologist or an audiologist? The speech language path would assess whether or not a language disability is present. The audiologist would look for a processing disorder. I agree with the other poster who said to build up her extracurricular.

May she always do well socially but I want to mention one thing. At times, kids can start of doing well socially but then the gap broadens between them and their peers if they are not inferential thinkers who can read between the lines. A good speech therapist should be able to help with that and with pinwheeling you understand the underlying issue.

Depending on where you send her for high school, you will see different approaches. Many offer modified testing and some in school tutoring.

If the situation cant be fully resolved, maybe consider speaking with a therapist so that you can ensure your daughter grows up with great self esteem. You sound like an awesome mom!

Much hatzlacha!
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 12:35 pm
Make sure to tell her over and over again that grades don't matter to you but only her efforts and her good middos!!!
Praise her as much as possible when she does something positive at home to compensate. Give her the message that academics are not the most important thing in life!
She bakes a cake,tell everyone about it "she's such a good baker it was delicious!"
She's good with little children, paise her babysitting skills....
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 1:01 pm
amother [ Sienna ] wrote:
What is ichud? I live near bklyn.

Ichud is a special ed program. Different grades are located in different schools. They put kids in a mainstream class for as many subjects as they can manage and teach the rest themselves. Their classes are very small.

You can call them to ask any questions (718) 854-2400
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Post  Wed, Jun 05 2019, 2:35 pm
I have similar situation with my 15 year old DS. He has been eval and has no diagnosis-he just doesn't love school and has a hard time going from class to class and teacher to teacher all day, switching gears every 45 minutes.

Starting high school actually made things improve a little bit since it was a change from many years at the same elem/middle school and he just needed s/t different and though the day is longer there are more breaks built in.

I find that our schools are so focused on tests that kids who are not machine-like students have a really hard time. The pressure is overwhelming. My son has an average of 3 tests a week. For a kid who freezes up, whose anxiety gets in the way, or who would process the
materials better with a little downtime instead of a 10 hour day followed by 2-3 hours or work it's a recipe for disaster. I wish there were more projects, long term assignments, and ways other than exams to assess skills and learning.

He is in middle of finals and I have low expectations of his performance though he is putting in the effort. It's upsetting.
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