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-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:39 am
I am a pretty hands-on mother but also laid back. I spend my afternoons doing things with my kids, taking them to the park, arranging friends, baking with them... but I really try not to sweat the small stuff and to pick and choose what I want to make a rule out of.
I grew up in a house where there were minimal rules but everyone was happy. I have been making more rules just because I want my kids to have better habits than me, such as eating only at the table, not leaving the table till finished eating, etc.
I have cousins who grew up in a house with an amazing mother but there was a lot more they were not allowed to do. Recently, I have been spending some time with some of those married cousins and have been getting the feeling from them that I let my kids do whatever they want. I heard one whisper to the other that I'm a very free-style parent and not in a good way.
A few months ago, one who really does not believe in giving her kids snacks but the 2-year old should always eat with everyone else meals told her friend its hard to tell her daughter to do anything because my daughter never has to (she wasn't pleased). I didn't call my daughter because it was way past her bedtime, she had eaten a healthy snack a short time before, and she was playing happily. If I called her to the table then, I would have had to deal with a cranky, overtired 2-year-old while serving the rest of my kids, who were at the table.
Just now, I called to offer her a cake that I was making with my 7 year old DS and said out loud, so my son would hear, what a good job he was doing making cake. The cousin made a comment how she was so impressed I was letting DS make a cake.
I love baking with my kids and think its great for them. Am I too free letting them do these things?
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amother
Copper
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:43 am
I practice Montessori parenting. Freedom within limits. There aren't "rules" but societal conventions that need to be followed. Food stays at the table. Dirty clothes in the hamper. (from the youngest age - as soon as kids can walk around holding things). So you can be laid back while still being authoritative.
Anyways, to answer your question, of course. If the child has been allowed to help in kitchen and taught food safety and modeled how to make a cake, ie not being left to own devices but empowered to do it independently, why not. By 2 I teach how to use cutting knife (a safe one), whisk, peeler. No reason not to. Kids are infinitely capable and if you shut them down when they express interest when young, good luck with them doing anything when they're teens.
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Amarante
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:59 am
Of course a child should be allowed to bake - with reasonable parental supervision so it's not dangerous.
Besides the satisfaction the child (and parent) have with doing something fun together, the child will have a real sense of accomplishment.
Also, like all good "play" activities it is such a seamless way to instill learning in a child - what better way to teach math than to learn how to weigh and measure things. I remember learning the first theories of advanced geometric theory when my Bubbe taught me the water displacement method to measure butter :-).
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amother
Coffee
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 6:59 am
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OP, your parenting style sounds absolutely amazing and not very free style at all. I see nothing wrong with a 7 year old helping you bake. My kids love baking and have been baking since before their 7. I lay out all the ingredients on the counter and I tell them what to put in and when. They mix, measure, turn on the mixer.... they love it! There's nothing wrong with it.
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amother
Ruby
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:01 am
It's the best thing for the self-esteem of my DS7, now 8. He's been baking on his own for a full year. I love that it reinforces his reading and math skills. He feels great having an end result to show off with which the family gets to enjoy. Win win.
He does the whole thing, taking out ingredients, measuring them out, mixing, etc. The only thing I do is check the eggs and pour the batter into the pan because the bowl is too heavy for him.
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top mom
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:06 am
With you in the kitchen, supervising, and helping with the oven part, why not?
My daughter loved baking at that age, and would make cakes from scratch. She was so proud of her handiwork!
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yksraya
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:06 am
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Dd used to bake by herself from a very young age. Don't remember if by 7. But definitely by 8-9. She made it all by herself using the mixer. I would put it in and out of oven.
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Zehava
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:13 am
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I’m feeling really inadequate now. I still haven’t gotten the hang of baking and your seven year olds can do it.
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amother
Coffee
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:16 am
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Zehava, there's nothing to feel inadequate about. It's an outlet for some kids to let them patchka in the kitchen.
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allthingsblue
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:16 am
| amother [ Copper ] wrote: | I practice Montessori parenting. Freedom within limits. There aren't "rules" but societal conventions that need to be followed. Food stays at the table. Dirty clothes in the hamper. (from the youngest age - as soon as kids can walk around holding things). So you can be laid back while still being authoritative.
Anyways, to answer your question, of course. If the child has been allowed to help in kitchen and taught food safety and modeled how to make a cake, ie not being left to own devices but empowered to do it independently, why not. By 2 I teach how to use cutting knife (a safe one), whisk, peeler. No reason not to. Kids are infinitely capable and if you shut them down when they express interest when young, good luck with them doing anything when they're teens. |
Just curious... how do you get the food to stay at the table? What happens when your toddler throws it on the floor or picks up the food and leaves the table?
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MiracleMama
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:21 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am a pretty hands-on mother but also laid back. I spend my afternoons doing things with my kids, taking them to the park, arranging friends, baking with them... but I really try not to sweat the small stuff and to pick and choose what I want to make a rule out of.
I grew up in a house where there were minimal rules but everyone was happy. I have been making more rules just because I want my kids to have better habits than me, such as eating only at the table, not leaving the table till finished eating, etc.
I have cousins who grew up in a house with an amazing mother but there was a lot more they were not allowed to do. Recently, I have been spending some time with some of those married cousins and have been getting the feeling from them that I let my kids do whatever they want. I heard one whisper to the other that I'm a very free-style parent and not in a good way.
A few months ago, one who really does not believe in giving her kids snacks but the 2-year old should always eat with everyone else meals told her friend its hard to tell her daughter to do anything because my daughter never has to (she wasn't pleased). I didn't call my daughter because it was way past her bedtime, she had eaten a healthy snack a short time before, and she was playing happily. If I called her to the table then, I would have had to deal with a cranky, overtired 2-year-old while serving the rest of my kids, who were at the table.
Just now, I called to offer her a cake that I was making with my 7 year old DS and said out loud, so my son would hear, what a good job he was doing making cake. The cousin made a comment how she was so impressed I was letting DS make a cake.
I love baking with my kids and think its great for them. Am I too free letting them do these things? |
You were assisting, or at least supervising. What could even be an issue?
Look, we either teach our kids how to do things while they are young and interested, even though it's messier and slower, or we end up doing everything ourselves even when they are older. Take your pick.
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DrMom
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:31 am
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Why not? I assume you are helping her.
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amother
Burgundy
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:32 am
I assume there's some supervision going on? Because I'm fairly sure that the average 7 year old can't bake a cake from start to finish without some adult supervision/assistance (although if yours can, kudos to you and him). That said, I'm shocked that it's even a question if you can have a little kid doing kitchen tasks. I mean, I thought everyone bakes with their toddlers from time to time, that's like one of the first things people will suggest when you say "what fun activities can I do with a toddler".
In any event, to answer the larger issue going here, I believe firmly that you do NOT owe it to others to conform to their parenting styles just to make their lives easier. You DO owe it to others to make sure your kids are polite and well behaved. There are a million different ways to achieve that result, and one way isn't more right than the other. If your kids are poorly behaved then yes, you need to reevaluate what you're doing. But if they're not harming any people or property, then you have no obligation to do anything differently from what clearly works for your family.
One of the biggest challenges of parenting is that other families DO have different ways of doing things, and ALL kids at some point think someone else's parents are better/more fun/less mean. It's not that other family's job to change things to suit you. It's YOUR job to be a parent and say, this is what we do in our family. The Goldbergs might allow their kids to eat more junk food than you allow yours; meanwhile, the Goldberg children are whining that your kids are allowed to stay up soooo much later than they are. You do not get to demand the Goldbergs feed their kids less junk, and the Goldberg do not get to demand that you put your kids to bed at 7. You each get to do what's right for your family and insist that your kids follow your rules.
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SixOfWands
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 7:39 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am a pretty hands-on mother but also laid back. I spend my afternoons doing things with my kids, taking them to the park, arranging friends, baking with them... but I really try not to sweat the small stuff and to pick and choose what I want to make a rule out of.
I grew up in a house where there were minimal rules but everyone was happy. I have been making more rules just because I want my kids to have better habits than me, such as eating only at the table, not leaving the table till finished eating, etc.
I have cousins who grew up in a house with an amazing mother but there was a lot more they were not allowed to do. Recently, I have been spending some time with some of those married cousins and have been getting the feeling from them that I let my kids do whatever they want. I heard one whisper to the other that I'm a very free-style parent and not in a good way.
A few months ago, one who really does not believe in giving her kids snacks but the 2-year old should always eat with everyone else meals told her friend its hard to tell her daughter to do anything because my daughter never has to (she wasn't pleased). I didn't call my daughter because it was way past her bedtime, she had eaten a healthy snack a short time before, and she was playing happily. If I called her to the table then, I would have had to deal with a cranky, overtired 2-year-old while serving the rest of my kids, who were at the table.
Just now, I called to offer her a cake that I was making with my 7 year old DS and said out loud, so my son would hear, what a good job he was doing making cake. The cousin made a comment how she was so impressed I was letting DS make a cake.
I love baking with my kids and think its great for them. Am I too free letting them do these things? |
WADR, I wonder if she was commenting on the gender role -- you were letting your SON make a cake; she might not have commented if it were your daughter.
In any case, you do you. It sounds like your kids are happy, healthy, and being well-nurtured. That's good. That's very good.
Others may parent differently. It doesn't make you wrong. (Nor does it make them wrong.) And they should mind their own business.
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amother
Coffee
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:24 am
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There are millions of different types of parents in the world, that means there are millions of different types of parenting styles. There's not one right way. Everyone has a right style for them and their family.
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amother
Aubergine
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:33 am
I am not a free style parent I think.
My four year old makes the shabbos olives all on his own since he's 2. I only open the cans (with a can opener that doesn't leave sharp edges) and put the whole thing in the oven when he's done.
He does lots in the kitchen. It's awesome for him. He can't wait to be allowed to use peelers and do more on his own.
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amother
Copper
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:35 am
| allthingsblue wrote: | | Just curious... how do you get the food to stay at the table? What happens when your toddler throws it on the floor or picks up the food and leaves the table? |
Baby - Walks away from little snack table holding food - "food stays on the table". Take out of hand and put on table. Repeat as needed.
Young toddler - Throws from high chair - "looks like you you're done eating." remove from high chair.
Silly with food at booster seat - "I can't let you play with your food. Looks like you're done eating." remove from table.
Not that hard. Consistent rules, same sentence, repeat calmly, takes a few times when they test but they learn quickly.
If still hungry, dw, they quickly learn to come back to table.
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Moonlight
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 8:43 am
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I love it. You sound like an awesome mom. Don't think twice about her comments.
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FranticFrummie
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 9:08 am
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Some of the best memories of my life are baking cookies and cakes with DD. I think it builds very important skills, as well as providing quality time that kids crave.
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flowerpower
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Wed, Jun 05 2019, 9:11 am
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I purposely wait until my son(4) comes home from school so he can “help” me bake. He made some cheese cakes yesterday and felt soooo proud.
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