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At what age do you start “disciplining”?
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 12:25 pm
My barely one year old has a habit or throwing everything he doesn’t want on the floor. The second he’s done with his drink he throws it down (and then wants it again). His food too, he eats what he wants and as soon as he doesn’t want, or wants something else, he throws it down. I’ve been picking it up for him but I’m wondering if this is okay or I’m spoiling him. I never know how to react. He seems to sometimes think it’s a game. But he’s just one and many times does it without thinking.

Another example- he keeps pulling my husband’s glasses or my earrings. He could really hurt us or break it. But when we say no he laughs.

I know this stage will pass but I don’t want him to be spoiled and think he’ll get away with everything. On the other hand, I don’t want to say no constantly or deprive him of the food or drink he thoughtlessly threw down (he’s not a great eater).

Experienced moms, what do you think?
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groovy1224




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 12:34 pm
Under one, forget it. It's just a game.

I don't have an official 'start' time, but I feel like somewhere around 18 months I veery gently begin instilling some basic concepts- usually that just means removing her from whatever the situation is, or taking the thing away. So if she's grabbing a baby's nose, and I try to get her to use a soft touch and it doesn't work, I'll just say no, gently, and remove her. Same thing if she's throwing a fork. I'll say no, and just won't give it back.

For the food thrower, my best advice is to give very little at a time. And use those straps that attach a sippy cup to the high chair.
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roses




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 12:34 pm
He's going through normal developmental processes, learning cause and effect, learning how the world works. Redirect, distract, but don't use negative reactions. This is a time that your baby is learning about himself and the world, and it's all normal and healthy
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amother




Orange


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 12:36 pm
Disapline, as in punish, absolutely not. This is normal baby behavior.
On the other hand, you need to teach your child proper behaviors. If baby drops something - don't pick it up. Picking it up, just reinforces the behaviour, and makes it into a game. Personally, I find that when baby starts to throw stuff it's a good time to end the meal. He is bored, and can eat more next time. He will quickly learn that when he throws food, meal time is over, and that it is not appropriate to throw.
When he reaches for your glasses - redirect his hand, distract him with a toy etc. Don't engage in the game ( ie. don't giggle/ tell him off/ give any attention for the antic).
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yerushamama




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 12:40 pm
As for the throwing - he just doesn't understand the gravity of the offense!

I babysit for kids about this age, and when they throw food, I take away the food and leave them in the highchair for a few minutes. If they ask for the food again, I usually return it, but I remind them that it is for eating, not throwing. Eventually they get the idea. I don't take them out of the highchair right away for two reasons - 1- to give them a chance to ask to eat more and 2- so they don't think that this is the way out of the highchair.

When he pulls on glasses or earrings, put him down, explaining why - "That hurt Mommy/Totty, so I can't hold you right now.

It takes a lot of repetition, but eventually they get it.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:17 pm
yerushamama wrote:
As for the throwing - he just doesn't understand the gravity of the offense!

I babysit for kids about this age, and when they throw food, I take away the food and leave them in the highchair for a few minutes. If they ask for the food again, I usually return it, but I remind them that it is for eating, not throwing. Eventually they get the idea. I don't take them out of the highchair right away for two reasons - 1- to give them a chance to ask to eat more and 2- so they don't think that this is the way out of the highchair.

When he pulls on glasses or earrings, put him down, explaining why - "That hurt Mommy/Totty, so I can't hold you right now.

It takes a lot of repetition, but eventually they get it.


What if they start banging their head against the high chair in response to above?
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imasinger




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:49 pm
Then maybe meal time is over?
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 2:53 pm
imasinger wrote:
Then maybe meal time is over?


If my child was a good eater then it would be. But he literally could start doing this right when he starts eating. As much as I try to take cues from him about when he's full, I only do that after he's eaten a little at least. I can't stop mealtime when it just started for him.

When I say discipline, I mean to say "no, we don't throw down food" or to not pick it up or to put him down every time he starts pulling glasses. I feel bad doing it and I don't want to say "no" to him a lot. That's why I was asking how to approach it in a balanced and age appropriate way.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:11 pm
yerushamama wrote:
As for the throwing - he just doesn't understand the gravity of the offense!


I see what you did there! LOL
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:19 pm
From when they are tiny we make sure they are safe, put them down when we need the bathrrom etc..as they get into the toddler stage the amount of no`s keep increasing until their intellect and emotional maturity catches up. I personally don't think there is a train to catch. Kids can learn when they are three same as two. On the other hand your house can't be chaotic and you need to learn to feel comfortable setting limits because it is good and healthy for everyone. Saying this as someone who has a very hard time seeing kids being upset and I constantly need to work in feeling ok setting limits.
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yerushamama




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:29 pm
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
What if they start banging their head against the high chair in response to above?


I've never had that issue - they aren't in there alone as a punishment, I interact with them while I continue feeding the other kids, and take them out when everyone is done.
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chanatron1000




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 3:38 pm
At this young age, there is no chinuch, just practical training for the moment.
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behappy2




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 7:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If my child was a good eater then it would be. But he literally could start doing this right when he starts eating. As much as I try to take cues from him about when he's full, I only do that after he's eaten a little at least. I can't stop mealtime when it just started for him.

When I say discipline, I mean to say "no, we don't throw down food" or to not pick it up or to put him down every time he starts pulling glasses. I feel bad doing it and I don't want to say "no" to him a lot. That's why I was asking how to approach it in a balanced and age appropriate way.


The focus is on damage control not on teaching.
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 8:24 pm
You're not spoiling him.
Let him be a baby.
Don't worry about disciplining.

If he takes your glasses/earrings off take his little hand away without saying anything.

When he throws food on the floor let him. At 2-3 you'll start telling him lets pick it up because we like when its clean.

When he throws his bottle on the floor let him.

When he asks for his bottle again give it to him.

When he wants to eat something else give it to him.

Signed
A mother whose babies did all these cute things but don't do it anymore. Smile
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 8:50 pm
crust wrote:
You're not spoiling him.
Let him be a baby.
Don't worry about disciplining.

If he takes your glasses/earrings off take his little hand away without saying anything.

When he throws food on the floor let him. At 2-3 you'll start telling him lets pick it up because we like when its clean.

When he throws his bottle on the floor let him.

When he asks for his bottle again give it to him.

When he wants to eat something else give it to him.

Signed
A mother whose babies did all these cute things but don't do it anymore. Smile


Thank you. That is what we want to do. I was concerned though that we were setting him up to being spoiled. Can you tell I’m a first time mom?
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crust




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 9:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you. That is what we want to do. I was concerned though that we were setting him up to being spoiled. Can you tell I’m a first time mom?


Yes. And I can also tell that you were raised in a generation that was obsessed about not spoiling...
You're doing great! Enjoy the time with your little baby! Hold hug and kiss him all day.
He will not become spoiled.
My promise.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 9:16 pm
Discipline as in teach - from birth.
Read Positive Discipline and books by Janet Lansbury.
You can absolutely teach the correct behavior at this age. "I can't let you throw food." remove from chair.
"I can't let you touch my glasses." get out of his reach.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 9:23 pm
crust wrote:
Yes. And I can also tell that you were raised in a generation that was obsessed about not spoiling...
You're doing great! Enjoy the time with your little baby! Hold hug and kiss him all day.
He will not become spoiled.
My promise.


Oh I do. This makes me feel so much better. I love him so much and just want to do what’s best for him in the long run.
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aliavi




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 10:48 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If my child was a good eater then it would be. But he literally could start doing this right when he starts eating. As much as I try to take cues from him about when he's full, I only do that after he's eaten a little at least. I can't stop mealtime when it just started for him.

When I say discipline, I mean to say "no, we don't throw down food" or to not pick it up or to put him down every time he starts pulling glasses. I feel bad doing it and I don't want to say "no" to him a lot. That's why I was asking how to approach it in a balanced and age appropriate way.


He’s accustomed to getting most of his calories from milk and not foods if he’s right around a year. If he’s not interested in meal time keep offering but I would suggest to speak with the pediatrician about toddler formula (we did for a DS) or how much milk to give. It could decrease the pressure you’re feeling about meal times.
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amother




OP


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 11:40 pm
aliavi wrote:
He’s accustomed to getting most of his calories from milk and not foods if he’s right around a year. If he’s not interested in meal time keep offering but I would suggest to speak with the pediatrician about toddler formula (we did for a DS) or how much milk to give. It could decrease the pressure you’re feeling about meal times.
. He was never a good bottle drinker either. I got him toddler formula but he doesn’t drink much. He drinks water.
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