Conversation between 4 year olds.

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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 1:18 pm
I know im being sensitive because my 4 year old is my oldest but would this bother you, if yes would you say anything to your child, friend, friends mom ...?
My daughters best friend is over by my house almost everyday. She tends to brag a lot and my daughter is a typical follower personality so she started doing it back to her. When she has other friends over this doesnt happen at all. Here are some things her friend says
"My scooter is fast than your scooter" " I can do the monkey bars backward" " I got the swing 1st hahaha" " I run faster than you"
Something about the constant teasing lit a fire in my daughter and she is always trying to prover herself. She taught herself to do the monkey bars backward, she says back " my scooter is fasterest"
Something about the whole tone/ jealous sound of their conversations really rubs me the wrong way... any advice appreciated!
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pesek zman


Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 1:20 pm
When I hear my 4 year old speaking this way I try to tell her that biggest/fastest isn’t best. The only thing that matters is kindness to others
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 1:24 pm
I think it's normal 4 yr old talk.
If my kid says something to his own sibling, I would either say, "both are the best/fastest etc. Or I would say "whoever is mevatar is the best" etc.
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 1:27 pm
My next door neighbor's child was like this, but instead of becoming competitive my daughter would feel awful that she was never good enough. By the age of 7, we ended up limiting their time together because it had gotten really bad and was no longer a good friendship. Then after a year or so, they do play together on occasion but we try hard to schedule playdates with others, walk her to other friends/relatives, and attend different daycamps and after-school activities. We had to do a lot of explaining that everyone is different and has different stuff, different capabilities. But we also ended up labeling that behavior as bragging and telling our child that it isn't nice to do because it was so out of hand. I think both of our kids have some social deficits but they were feeding off each other in really unhealthy ways.

In general, one thing that works well in my family overall that I got out of a parenting class is to teach the language of Shalom. So I used to say a lot "Also is a shalom word" and then model: I can also do the monkey bars. So that it becomes look how fun! We can both do it, instead of it being a competition. Much easier in your own family than with neighbors. Some people teach their kids to brag I guess.
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 1:32 pm
My response is, you are the fastest for you, and you are the best for you.

My 4 yo does this all the time. Most of these age related things go away in a few weeks regardless of how you react.
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 4:22 pm
Honestly, I can't remember a single thing I've said or done when I was 4, so I doubt that it had any lasting impact on my life.

This is probably just a phase, and will be forgotten soon. In the meantime, just be calm and teach your child how to play cooperatively.

A good way to defuse a person who is competitive, is to say "Wow, you really ARE fast!" or "Hey, that's a cool looking scooter." Refusing to take the bait and compete takes all the fun out of taunting.
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 6:23 pm
Denim, I love that -- "also is a shalom word." I'm definitely going to use it next time the situation comes up, or maybe write a song about it. Thanks!
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 7:31 pm
Denim can you explain again? I am trying to figure out what you wrote. It sounds great.
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 7:37 pm
I don't know if this will help. Older kids, different setting.
I was subbing in a first grade and a very bright and probably bored kid listened to someone who struggles fumble with a pretty answer and she muttered, "Stupid."

I took her out of the room and I told her that she b"H is smart and this comes easy for her. Not everything comes easy for everyone and she should try to be patient. And one day she might find out that someone will be good at something that's hard for her.
After that I asked her if she thinks she needs to say something to the other girl and she acknowledged that she needed to apologize.

I guess that in this case, you can tell your daughter that it takes some people longer than others to learn certain skills, and that one day she might just find out that she's good at something that someone else isn't. And she might remember when she was four, and be nice and patient to those other girls.
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Post  Tue, Jun 11 2019, 7:43 pm
yes it would bother me. I have a four year old and we are working on teaching her not to brag and to be sensitive to other people.
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