What percentage would you say is stress, raising children

amother

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:00 am

My daughter is of marriageable age and she says she desperately wants a baby, no scratch that, tons of babies Very Happy

. I mention of marriageable age to show that she's not a young teen. When we have conversations about that, the baby part, it's a light fun conversation. Not to scare her, but for her to be aware, I said I think children are 75% stress and 25% nachas, enjoyment, but the 25% is so powerful that it undermines the 75%. What would your percentages be Smile

?

Please don't dissect, it's lighthearted!

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:10 am

I agree with your assessment.

I was talking to a woman who gets weekly intravenous treatment for HG and she realized how, as much as a woman may want a large family, barriers such as difficult pregnancy may get in the way of reaching that goal. Before she even attempts to raise the child she has to struggle to gestate him.

It is a worthy goal to raise a large family but it takes strategies and guidance.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:15 am

It depends on the parents' personalities, their home life, finances, and a million other things.

It depends on the kids' personalities, special needs, and a million other things.

There are no guarantees in life. NONE. Don't go predicting difficulties or nachas, you are not a naviya.

If your daughter wants a certain kind of family, and she is old enough to know what she wants, then you really shouldn't advise unless she specifically asks.

33055

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:18 am

My percentage was pure nachas and bewilderment when they acted like teens. I wouldn't say stress. I treasure every moment. It could be that I didn't have kids until I was older.

I think much of the stress is financial.

allthingsblue

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:21 am

Lots of stress but there's honestly no need to warn her about it. She will figure it out on her own. After all, the joys of parenting far outweigh the stresses. If she eventually changes her mind about having lots of babies, she wouldn't be the first; and if she doesn't change her mind, and can handle it, kol hakavod to her!

Rappel

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:23 am

She will probably only have one at a time, so I don't think there's any need to warn her. Beezrat hashem she'll have lots of time for reflection when she's counting her first baby's nostrils for the billionth time. LOL

amother

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:34 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

There are no guarantees in life. NONE. Don't go predicting difficulties or nachas, you are not a naviya.

I said it was a lighthearted conversation and in my opinion. Also, I asked to please not to dissect it.

Rappel wrote:

Yeah, I asked her, do you mean you want a lot of babies or a lot of children. She said babies. LOL

Please don't dissect my conversation with my dd. We're great with each other and very honest and have light conversations as well as serious ones and this was one of the former. I just gave that story for context.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My daughter is of marriageable age and she says she desperately wants a baby, no scratch that, tons of babies Very Happy

.

Please don't dissect, it's lighthearted!

Off topic. Is that so unusual to want?

amother

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:41 am

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

Off topic. Is that so unusual to want?

No, why would you ask that? Like I said in the other post, I wrote that to give context for why I asked.

amother

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 8:43 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

I don't think 75 percent stress is typical. Sounds very extreme.

That's fair, so what would you say and how old are your children? I have teens and younger and older. Probably when I only had younger ones, I wouldn't put the number so high.

This is what I'm asking, what would YOU say?

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 9:56 am

I would say 15 stress and 85 nachas and joy. Alot is stress from fulfilling the myriad tasks of motherhood, running a home, and financially supporting a family.

And yes I agree with your daughter nothing like having a sweet baby in your arms.

amother

Blush

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 10:21 am

Absolutely more joy that 25% of the time.
The only thing that's real stress, is if the child has issues / sn. (Like one of my kids has slight issues. Pt/ot But I can't get any help becuase she's bh functioning in school, although barely, and very sweet and bright. The other very possibly adhd. But too young to diagnose.)

But if not for that, I'd say it's 80/20. 80% Joy. And 20% stress. Saying this as a mother of 3.

Even when they misbehave, it's not always stressful. Sometimes it's actually commical!
Most days I have a harder time not laughing than not yelling. Having a steady cleaning lady helps so I don't stress the absolute disasters they create. Like smearing the floors, walls and couch with yogurt...... (did you know it can ruin the leather??)
They are far from angels. My kids fought like animals over yom tov. It's a mindset. It's amazing to see them go from little peas on a ultrasound machine to little humans then bigger humans. With their own personality, likes, dislike, talents and weaknesses. It's magical.

P.s. when I was depressed it was the other way around 90% stress. Maybe 10% joy. And it was HARD.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 10:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No, why would you ask that? Like I said in the other post, I wrote that to give context for why I asked.

your post seems to imply that it was. I thought it was the norm to want that - before having kids. I dont see any reason to explain to her otherwise. just my opinion.

amother

Lime

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 10:58 am

The answer to this question is almost 100% dependant on the child's personality.

I had one child who was pure bliss. Basically a nachas machine who had me convinced that I was a great mother who could handle anything. I could deal with twenty of such children with pleasure and ease.

Then I had another child who to put in nicely reminded me on a constant basis of what I once heard when I was the OPs daughters age.

"Changing diapers and being kept up all night is just Gidul Bonim. Having teenagers spitting in your face is TZAR Gidul Bonim"

ectomorph

Wed, Jun 12 2019, 11:22 am

Op, I don't get your point

Some people have bad marriages. Is it right to tell young people that marriage is 90% stress? Not only isn't it true, you're preventing them from giving it a chance.

Do you tell her that work is awful, sucks up all your time, you never get paid enough and bosses are awful?

For heaven's sake. Let her have some joy in her life! Don't teach her to only see the negative