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Would you dye grey hairs of 20yr old daughter
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:24 pm
She has quite a bunch and pretty obvious in her straight hair.

She says she thinks it adds personality!!
I’m not so sure...

Edited
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amother




Teal


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:26 pm
It's really up to her.
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Moonlight




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:26 pm
She is 20! She is old enough to make her own decisions about her hair!
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Leahh




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:27 pm
She can use mascara on specific spots
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:29 pm
If it was me I'd do it. If it was my daughter it would have to be up to her.
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:29 pm
I agree with her! Don’t make her self conscious over your issues! If she’s confident in her uniqueness, be happy for her!
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amother




Mustard


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:30 pm
All you can do is explain to her why you think SHE should die her hair.
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amother




Denim


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:31 pm
If she is a college girl, than she should be independent and free thinking enough to make her own decisions.
If she is in shidduchim, then she will IYH be married soon, running a household, and able to make her own decisions.

Bottom line-let make her own decisions.
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chocolatecake




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:33 pm
I would want her to and hope she would want to also but you really can’t push her or even tell her your thoughts too much it’s kinda insulting and she is an adult...
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Kiwi13




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:35 pm
I’m impressed and happy for her that she’s happy with her appearance. Please let her continue embracing her natural beauty. She’s 20 and seems well aware of the situation. Kudos to her for her attitude! If she decides to change her mind one day, she’ll do it on her own. Smile
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:46 pm
I’m not forcing her but we were discussing and I mentioned she could. I guess I’m concerned regarding shidduchim and the way ppl say no even for minor things.
How about if I posed the question this way..??
Would you or your son be turned off from dating a girl with a recognizable amount of grey in her hair???

I know this will sound shallow to some but I’m simply unsure if or how this should be managed- along with her wishes of course.
Please be kind in your responses.
TIA
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amother




Scarlet


Post  Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:46 pm
I've always had afew strands of white hair ever since I remember. My mom would ask me from time to time if I want to dye them, I refused. I actually like them and agree with OP's DD that it adds personality.
At this age, this should be totally her choice.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 12:25 am
When I was very young I went out with a guy who was in his low 20’s and had grey hair. I was turned off by that and really had a hard time accepting him.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 8:15 am
If she thinks it adds character then why should she change it to impress a man who is shallow enough to reject her for it? Yes, shidduchim can be tricky to navigate, but I think it would be a disservice to her to squash her self acceptance in order to “look the part.” If she was self conscious that’d be one thing, but she’s happy and confident. Shouldn’t she look for someone who will love her for it too?

My personal reference points:

1. My husband started going grey in high school. By his mid 20’s it was very noticeable. On our first date I briefly wondered if he told me his real age, but beyond that I honestly did not care one bit.

2. I have an eye condition I’m very self conscious about. It made me very anxious in dating because it’s very obvious. There’s nothing I can do to minimize it, so I just had to carry on. Closer to engagement it came up in conversation with my husband, and to my complete shock he told me it was one of the first things he liked about my appearance. He said he thought my eyes were one of my best physical features and the tone of how he said it was that he liked it because it was something uniquely me. I can’t tell you how meaningful that was for me. All my teen and adult years to that point I kept trying to hide it, and suddenly my future husband loved me FOR it, not DESPITE it. I felt truly wanted for who I am, not an image I can pretend. It might sound trivial but it really was meaningful to me and still is, and I wish the same acceptance for everyone who has a point of physical self consciousness.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 8:20 am
If she likes the way she looks, nothing is more attractive than a woman with confidence!

Let her rock her unique style. She'll be memorable in the sea of shidduchim, and will attract someone who appreciates her for who she is.

My DD would be crushed if I told her she had to change her G-d given looks just to please a man.

ETA: Kiwi13 and I cross posted. I second everything she said.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 8:24 am
Google the book "Silver Hair."
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amother




Ecru


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 9:08 am
I think DD needs a musser shmooze.. imho, a girl has to look the prettiest possible. It doesn't take much effort to color ones hair. Why not look better? Just like one wears makeup, so too, a girl age 20 should definitely die her hair.

I've had grey hair since I was 16. Of course I colored it!
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amother




Blue


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 9:08 am
My best friend had noticeable white hairs ever since we were in high school. By the time we were in shidduchim if it wasn't dyed, her hair was totally salt and pepper colored, that's how many there were.
She did dye her hair often, mostly because her mother wanted her to, but also because she also didnt like the appearance. She wasnt very diligent about keeping up with dye jobs and often the roots came in very noticeably. In shidduchim she was a little better at keeping up with it. I dont think it was ever a detriment. In general, she is very non materiaiistic, simple tastes, and dated guys who were the same. Her husband said he couldnt care less about the white hairs because she will cover her hair anyways. She does NOT dye it now that she is married. She wears beautiful shaitels outside the home (I have no idea what she wears inside) I guess the bottom line it- if you own it, its less of a detracting quality than if ur embarassed by it.
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amother




Floralwhite


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 9:15 am
Your daughter rocks. I'm 30 and my hair is completely salt and pepper (has been for years). Even if I didn't cover it, I would not dye it. It's me, and honestly I think it is pretty awesome. I ask my husband from time to time if he would like me to dye it, and he claims he loves it.

If she is old enough to get married, she is old enough to make this decision. I think her confidence is awesome. Also, for any guy it does bother, it is a 'fixable' issue. If he can't get passed it, your daughter is lucky to find out about his limitations before they get too far.

I think you should encourage your daughter to be herself and to land a guy that loves her for her, no apologies necessary.
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amother




Sienna


Post  Mon, Jun 17 2019, 9:24 am
I dye my gray hairs at a salon the dye in the hair stays only ten minutes under the dryer
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