Twins get attention - not dd

Israeli_C

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 10:07 pm

BH I survived the first 6 months and the two ladies are super sweet fatties. Only problem is that I have a 3 year old DD who is very shy and I'm worried about the affect it is having on her when so many people stop me on the street to admire the twins and she gets completely ignored. Any tips?

Kiwi13

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 10:20 pm

When people comment on my twins I always make sure to point out their big brother (who was 2 when they were born) and say, “and they’re so lucky to have such a wonderful big brother who loves them so much!” Usually the person gets the hint and pays attention to him too.

Israeli_C

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 10:24 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

My 2 year old DS usually takes advantage of the momentary distraction to cause chaos elsewhere! I've been doing this, but most people are rather dismissive, or turn to her and ask her if she thinks the babies are amazing too, oy

Kiwi13

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 10:27 pm

So don’t make it all about the babies. Say something like the babies are getting so big, and so is your big girl, she learned how to do xyz new thing. It’s hard in a passing conversation, so maybe at least try to minimize it. Don’t gush over the babies with every stranger. Say thank you and move on when you’re with your older one too. It’s really more of YOUR reaction that will make a difference to your daughter long term.

Israeli_C

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 10:29 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

It’s really more of YOUR reaction that will make a difference to your daughter long term.

This is very true. Thanks Kiwi!

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 8:33 am

People have been fascinated by multiples since the dawn of time. Ancient societies used to think that they had magical powers and stuff like that. There will always be a fascination.

I do find twins adorable, and find that I stare a bit longer than I should. I do my best not to comment, because I'm sure the moms are sick to death of hearing about it.

Once I saw a woman with a quadruple stroller. She had two sets of male twins, 2 years old and 1 year old. I did glance over and say "Oy, you DO have your hands full!" I couldn't help myself. I probably should have kept my big mouth shut, but I was much younger and less tactful back then.

Fox

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 8:39 am

Huge issue for my DD, Clementine, who is one year older than my twins. The problem is not just that people notice multiples more -- it's a cumulative effect that goes on and on.

It's been a huge problem in our family, and I don't have any great advice. However, I'll ask Clem what she wishes we'd done to make it better and report back.

Kiwi13

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 9:24 am

Another idea. When people point out something cute my twins are doing (in front of my older child), sometimes I’ll say they learned it from him. It makes my big boy feel proud of himself that whatever the cute or amazing thing is that we’re talking about - he did it first. Smile

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 9:28 am

I am one older than the twins in my family. Nothing to be done about it. Sorry to be so fatalistic, but you can't change the world even by suggesting that the next oldest is special also and pay attention to her.

If your next oldest daughter is smart, she will see right through what you are saying. I know I did whenever my mother told people to pay attention to me.

Give the oldest daughter the the attention of being the big girl. If she knows she is special to her parents, then what strangers say doesn't effect her as much.

Israeli_C

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 10:27 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

I love this idea! I've also been trying to emphasise to dd all the fun things we can do together because she's a big girl. I also let her choose the babies' clothes, which she really enjoys (real life dolls!)

Lol! FF sometimes when people tell me that I actually appreciate having someone who understands that it's not easy. Although today a woman added to "you must have your hands full..." "... and don't tell me you're pregnant again!" Sad

Not wearing that shirt again........

Dina2018

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 12:30 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

I used to say when people commented on the younger child - you cannot imagine how much help and attention I am getting from the older child