Moving Back to Brooklyn after living in Lakewood

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 12:27 pm

We now live in Lakewood and although the space is great, the development I live in is full of politics and the neighbors are not friendly. My oldest is in kindergarten. Although my kids have friends in school they do not have many friends in our development since must of kids go to the same school.
We don’t have family here which translates to no help and moving around means waiting for DH to come home or taking a car service .

I fell kinda lonely here and also feel like I’m taking away my kids moments with their grandparents uncles aunts and cousins who live in the city.
My question is ... did anyone go thorough this? Did you decide to move back ? And why?

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 12:39 pm

Would it work out better for you to move to a neighborhood where kids in your kids' school live? Do you have friends who moved here, and would living near them help?

It sounds like you don't drive. I think living in Lakewood without driving must be very tough. It's not Brooklyn where there's easy public transportation to get around, and even easy transportation to visit family. (When my kids were little, whenever I had a day off on a legal holiday, I used to hop into NY to get together with my sister and her kids...I also started off in a development where I found friends for both myself and my kids.)

watergirl

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 12:56 pm

Why not start off by learning how to drive and getting a car? Then if you are still very unhappy, look at other neighborhoods. My husband and I have moved a LOT from city to city and I know it isnt easy, and the main thing to remember is that it takes TIME to make new friends and find your place in a new city! It took me a good few years before finding "my people" where I live now. We waited to buy a house until we knew this is where we wanted to stay. It just takes time. Start with learning to drive to become more independent.

stillnewlywed

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:00 pm

Me and dh are also real Brooklyners with no family here. Once we have kids I know we will be upset that they don't see their grandparents/aunts and uncles. And we will definitely be losing out any help we would be able to get from my parents and in-laws.
I also hate Lakewood, the whole mentality, the politics, especially that fact that you can't just go out and walk to a store and have to drive everywhere. We have 2 cars but still annoying if you grew up in Brooklyn.
Technically I would love to move back to Brooklyn but it's so unaffordable! We pay pennies in rent here and are saving to buy a small house. All that would go down the drain...
Maybe moving out of town is a better option? I'm wondering this myself.

mha3484

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:00 pm

We bought a house after renting for many many years and I think my kids would have a really hard time re adjusting to apartment living again. The back yard and more space have just been amazing for them. If you are renting maybe you would like a different neighborhood better? Are you stuck where you are now?

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:01 pm

Op here
We are renting in a development . Been here for 2 years and counting .
I do get along with some neighbors that does not mean they’re friends (I think there’s a big difference)
Kids from my daughters school live all over Lakewood, TR and even Howell .
Driving scares me so much that I wouldn’t consider it. Moving back to BP would be such a big clash but maybe moving to Staten Island wouldn’t .
What would be the diferences from Lakewood and Staten Island ? Besides space

mommyla

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:14 pm

stillnewlywed wrote:

Developments are terrible. You will probably be much happier if you move onto a quiet street, whether you are renting a basement or own a house.

Yes, this. Get out of the development, your quality of life will improve dramatically! Though I can't fathom not driving in Lakewood. I didn't grow up in NY so it's no big deal for me to have to drive places, but you really do have to drive to live here.

amother

Jade

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:24 pm

stillnewlywed wrote:

Most out of town places are not that walkable, either.

1ofbillions

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:25 pm

You really need to get over whatever fear is stopping you from driving. I’m sorry if that’s invalidating, but it’s just reality.

I can’t imagine being happy living in Lakewood without driving. Like, I don’t know if that’s possible.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 18 2019, 1:25 pm

I grew up in the suburbs so this may be a mentality/culture difference. I can't imagine living in Brooklyn - it's too noisy, congested, and just plain overwhelming for every day life. I guess being used to the fact that you have to get into a car to get to the supermarket probably helped me adjust to Lakewood living. The benefits of space and a backyard, to me, far outweigh the lack of a (overcrowded and overwhelming) grocery on the corner. In fact, I'd rather drive a bit further and shop in a spacious supermarket.

Wow. I see that people are different than me, and how much your upbringing contributes to that. Makes sense. I don't even have the mindset of driving somewhere being annoying because that's my normal, and always has been.

OP, what about driving is so scary to you? (I openly admit being terrified when my DD's learned to drive, but never had that fear for myself. I'm sure my girls do not appreciate this particular fear of mine.) Is this something you can overcome? I really think quality Lakewood living goes along with driving. That's the suburbs for you - I can't imagine surviving here without driving. Every high school senior/graduate learns to drive, sooner or later - it's part of the lifestyle here.

mig100

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 1:39 am

Chayalle wrote:

Yes people r different and a lot just has to do.with where u grew up.

I feel exactly the opposite about having to drive to get places.

Following

momtobe

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 1:33 pm

mommyla wrote:

What’s wrong with development’s ?

boat

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 5:01 pm

mommyla wrote:

I would imagine that if she's used to apartment living and looking for more friends, leaving development life is not necessarily what will help her. Sad

OP: keep in mind that if you do move back, you'll have to find new friends again.

I honestly do feel sorry for you. Lakewood is NOT boro park. You can spread the word to any of your friends and family that have not yet flocked here.

amother

Purple

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 5:51 pm

I also moved from Brooklyn to Lakewood and I love it now. The reason I love it so much is mainly because I live in a development. When I first moved I was miserable because I’m pretty shy and it was so hard for me to make friends. But, once I forced myself to schmooze with the neighbors, visit them on Friday nights, etc etc, I slowly but surely formed a friendship with them unlike my Brooklyn neighbors. We’re like family now.
My advice to you would be, think of why you moved in the first place. Every change has its challenges but in the end it might be worth it. You think moving back will solve all your problems? Why’d you move in the first place?
I feel like because we’re all here without family, the relationship that you eventually develop with your neighbors/friends is much stronger than it would’ve been elsewhere. Hang in there, do whatever it takes to form a friendship, it’ll be so worth it!

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 9:49 pm

I agree with everyone that you should learn to drive. And if you are scared, take paid driving lessons so you become more comfortable. If you're chasidish, then speak to your dayan who allowed many woman to drive in Lakewood because the need is so strong.

I live in a 3 bedroom apt in Brooklyn with 6 kids and 1 bathroom and a porch that we outgrew a long time ago. This is the Brooklyn conversation daily. Will we all move to Lakewood or Tom's river in the next 5 years? What will be with the yeshivas here if no one can afford to buy here. Houses are minimum 800,000 and it needs work and it's small for that money and there may not be a driveway.
The grass is greener on the other side. My siblings live in Lakewood and Jackson, so I don't see them very often.
Guess what? My husbands siblings who bought houses about 9-12 years ago are all busy. How often do we get together? rarely. Everyone is caught up in their own little world of working and keeping home and taking care of kids, etc. We don't live very close to them. My parents and in laws and grandparents live in Brooklyn. We see them. I am not running there all the time, because life is busy bH

amother

Pearl

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 10:50 pm

boat wrote:

I would imagine that if she's used to apartment living and looking for more friends, leaving development life is not necessarily what will help her. Sad

Respectfully disagree.
I moved to KJ from Williamsburg. We lived in a development for 2.5 years.

I am a social person. But that was too too much. And the development we lived in has plenty of grass. Lots of grass behind my apt and in the sides.....
I didn't even know how much I hated it until I moved into our own house.
We have privacy, space and peace.

A front and back yard. Flowers and 30+ trees and shrubs. The breeze is gan eden!
If I want I can always take a walk and there will be someone else sitting outside and inviting me to join.... I've also built some really nice and strong relationships with my new Neighbors.
At least 75% of us here are brooklyners. (Williamsburg/bp)

If I moved out of brooklyn, wby live like sardines one on top of the other???
If I have the hardship of living upstate, I must at least have the benefit. And the benefit outweighs the hardship 5:1.....