Tactful suggestion

amother

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 6:32 pm

My husband is a lone-baal teshuva in his family, the rest have been "traditional conservative" they have never been "anti-religion", more of a "this works for us, so that's good enough". However since my husband, a fully-practicing Ben-Torah with rabbininc smicha from a top Yeshiva, and I have been married, the greater family has experienced quite a number of medical tragedies, and he has never been one to try to be "mekarev" his family, but right now my husband has a relative or two who are kind of on their "last hopes" Of course my husband has been davening and saying tehillim, but we have not been getting good news. I feel like we should seize the moment and encourage some sort of "kabbalah" perhaps as kind of a "going all-in" tactic in hopes of perhaps a miracle. My fear is that if we suggest doing something "religious" and it doesn't work anyway, it can back fire. Should I make a suggestion? What? Or just leave it alone?

ra_mom

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 6:48 pm

If you guys are willing to take on a kabbalah yourselves on their behalf you can and I'm sure it would be precious to Hashem. But don't suggest that they do so. Refuah Shelaima!

amother

Babypink

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do they have Mezuzot? If so, maybe your DH could offer to pay to have them all checked?

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:09 pm

Daven, say tehillim, do everything that you would want to do. Do not use it as an opportunity to mekarev them. It will backfire and possibly alienate them from both Torah Judaism and from you.

Refuah Shelemah

PinkFridge

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:11 pm

Something else.
Be there for them. Visit, send food, offer to pick up the dry cleaning. Leave religion out of it unless they ask.
This might not show short term peiros but there will definitely be long term peiros.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:14 pm

OP, you remind me of something that happened to me when my mom was dying of cancer years ago. A relative told me my mom took to covering her hair fully as a segula. As I was married, I was asked to take on similar hair covering. I said no thank you. I'm a pretty easy going person and know it came from a place of love. I was still put off. I know if this person would have approached other family members, it would have exploded.

I agree with the posters above who said you can only take something on yourself, not for others.

amother

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:19 pm

We don't live near any of the family members, I would love to take on something myself, but I have a family of young children and expecting so my kochos are pretty low right now. I was hoping of a kind of "united front" or "strength in numbers" type of thing, I like the idea of checking mezuzos.

allthingsblue

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:20 pm

It can easily backfire if you ask them.

You can say tehillim or take on something extra in kashrus, lashon hora...
Doesn't need to tire you out. Do it with your immediate family.

polka dots

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 7:43 pm

Perhaps you can take on a small kabalah in their zchus and share it with them. “ we are thinking and praying for you all the time. As a merit for your wellbeing I decided to ———-“. Maybe it’ll inspire them to improve on something as well

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 8:45 pm

I am BT and I have to be truly honest: if a religious family member had approached me before I was religious, when I was happily in a conservative shul and observance, in the middle of a crisis no less, I would have been enraged. It would not have made me more observant, and it might have done the opposite. Do nice things for them, don't try to make them better Jews. Honest to gd.

zaq

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:30 pm

The last thing people in trouble who are only mildly religious want to hear is that they should do something or become something more religious. Do whatever you wish on your own part, davening, tzedakah, Kabbalos, Kabbalah, tehillim, fasting, learning, segulos, volunteer work or voodoo but leave your relatives alone!

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:32 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

I’m FFB and I would feel the exact same way.

merrygold

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

...I would love to take on something myself, but I have a family of young children and expecting so my kochos are pretty low right now. I was hoping of a kind of "united front" or "strength in numbers" type of thing, I like the idea of checking mezuzos.

You don't need to take on something that takes koach. Try not to get upset at kids, say a perek of tehillim with kids daily (same one every day so it becomes easy for everyone), be more makpid to make a bracha acharona, etc.

urban gypsy

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would love to take on something myself, but I have a family of young children and expecting so my kochos are pretty low right now.

What a strange response. If you really truly believe that taking something upon yourself will actually save your relatives from MEDICAL TRAGEDIES then surely low kochos are no excuse?

In any case, not speaking Lashon Hara is a popular kabala to take on, and requires literally zero effort.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 1:01 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

Yup.

Its just as likely as not to be perceived as "you heathens, if you'd only practiced Judaism the RIGHT way, you wouldn't be dying. Last chance to repent!"

Wishing them a refuah shleima.

yerushamama

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 1:18 pm

The ONLY thing that might be appropriate would be something along the lines of showing appreciation to medical staff. Even if no one realizes that they are Jewish so it wouldn't be a kiddush hashem, it is still a mitzva, not to mention good for the patient!