Neighbor parking in my driveway - vent

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:34 am

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Stickers
We had them printed up in neon colours and wrote
“Thank you for blocking our driveway.”
In fact other neighbors borrowed some from us. Put them on windshields and mirrors.
We had a stranger park in our driveway and then threaten to call police if we don’t let him out ( we blocked him in). My dh said go ahead good luck with that.

I LOVE THIS!

Woman after my own heart.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:36 am

Just call the cops. You don't need your husband's permission to stand up for yourself and it's not ok that he wants to be nice and cause you to suffer for it. Also this guy is a bad neighbor, so I don't see what great relationship your husband thinks there is to preserve here. I would get in your neighbor's face and tell him to move the car right now, I would also threaten that if he does not move it I will have no other choice but to take further action. Call the cops and show the guy that you are not going to be stepped on this way.

Ema of 5

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:41 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I have a feeling I know what sect of Judaism this guy is part of. Entitelment is common in their circles. Not going to say which group Im referring to, because I don't like to start wars...

You started a war just by making a comment. What was the point? So that you could anonymously knock an entire sect of Judaism?

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:46 am

I used to live in a condominium complex in Lakewood, where all of the land in the complex, including the street, is privately owned by the owners. That means outsiders are not allowed to park in the street there (not that there's a ton of room) to make it safer and a better quality life for the residents.

We (the board of the development) had an issue with a guy who would park his car there for the day, because it was conveniently located for him. We asked him not do so, and he thumbed his nose at us (literally), like "try and stop me." We asked a shailah (he was a frum guy) from Rabbi Forsheimer, one of Lakewood's foremost Poskim, and were told that what he's doing is gezailah, and we should first warn him, and then have him towed if he does not take the warning seriously.

We warned him and of course he didn't dream we'd do it...so we went to step B and had him towed. He called the secretary and practically cursed her out, and shouted and threatened every legal and Bais Din action you can think of, none of which came to fruition of course since it held no water....

He never did it again, though. Guess he realized it would be pretty expensive.

I've also heard the idea of getting really sticky stickers....I think it's a great idea. Warn him first that you will be taking action. If you wish, ask your LOR, and then tell him that you have asked a shailah and if he does it again you will take action (so he knows he can't threaten Bais Din or anything.)

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:47 am

JAWSCIENCE wrote:

Is he parking in your driveway or parking in a spot on the street and his car partially blocks your driveway? How can you get around him if he is in your driveway? Also is your driveway legal or just a car port? If your driveway is legal and he is in it then you can call a tow truck. If he is just sticking out a little it’s more questionable.

On my block several people built illegal car ports or tried to paint extra yellow lines bu the sides of their driveway since they “need more space to maneuver” as their driveways are tight and they say they are not good drivers. They then try and yell at people for being in those slots. One literally comes out of her house and yells that people are blocking her driveway when in fact the people are in legal spots and she’s just trying to extend her driveway. Her husband leaves nasty notes on people’s cars. That is not right. Neither are he ilegal car ports. These people are trying to grab extra public spots for themselves and acting as if people are in their driveways. If you are one of those people you should not call for a tow truck.

Based on the behavior of the car port people on my block nothing shocks me anymore. But the lawn Business is pretty aggressive and ridiculous.

It's my legal driveway. It's wide enough for him to park, but then it is hard for me to maneuver and see pedestrians. When he blocked my driveway, he's within my legal curb cut. When he parked on the lawn, there was no curb cut there.

If I was a better driver, it wouldn't be an issue. I get so stressed over this.

Orchid

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:57 am

OP, I hate to be so bald, but the problem is your husband. There are always going to be entitled jerks in the world, but you'd be able to deal with them if you had that husband support. You wouldn't be posting here in frustration. All of us would just call the cops, have it towed, or whatever. We wouldn't just be frustrated and helpless and let it just continue day after day. Your hands are tied because you won't do anything without your DH's approval, but he won't give approval. So back to my point of this being a DH problem and not a jerky neighbor problem.

And if you didn't lose me yet, he is being kind to the cruel (neighbor), which means he is ultimately cruel to the kind (wife). I have relatives like this. They avoid confrontation so much that their loved ones end up suffering from situations that need a measure of confrontation to resolve. Confrontation is hard for me too, but if I care about my loved ones, I will do so on their behalf.

I say your best bet is to just do it on your own and not wait for DH's approval. Of course, I have no idea if he'll get furious at you (again, cruel to the kind) or what, but obviously you can't just let the situation continue. Much hatzlacha.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 10:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's my legal driveway....
If I was a better driver, it wouldn't be an issue.

Don't take the blame and say it's your driving skills that are at fault.

It doesn't matter if you are the best or worst driver in the world. IT'S YOUR DRIVEWAY!

Even if you don't own any cars, you still have the right to have an empty driveway, free from encroachment.

Tell DH that if he refuses to deal with the parking issue, then he needs to come up with the money to install a security gate across the front of your home. You can call around, get bids, and deal with contractors. All he needs to do is sign the check.

amother

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 11:07 am

Orchid wrote:

It's complicated by the fact we are friends with his family. I also want to avoid that confrontation probably more than DH.

Orchid

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 11:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's complicated by the fact we are friends with his family. I also want to avoid that confrontation probably more than DH.

Aaaah ok. Well if you're friends with them, and you already spoke to the wife, what did she say? If both husband and wife neighbor are blowing it off, I'm not so sure you should maintain this relationship. Obviously that's a decision only you can make. But if you decide that you don't want to break up the relationship over this, you're just going to have to accept them parking in your driveway. I personally would break off the relationship because their behavior is so obnoxious but thats just me. Obviously you may decide differently. Best of luck with this.

Last edited by Orchid on Fri, Jun 28 2019, 11:25 am; edited 1 time in total

Learning

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 11:24 am

Orchid wrote:

She can do it herself. She is not helpless little woman. It’s better she deals with the neighbor than her husband because the jerk will be on top of everything fighting with a (weak..) woman

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 11:29 am

it can be tricky
first you need to get clear on how much is it aggravating you versus your (understandable) desire to not rock the boat
in the meantime I would have them sign a legal document stating that if you or anyone in your family, guests, etc, hit or scratch their car you are not liable for anything
that will give you some peace of mind in the meantime and them some heads up of how serious you are and also perhaps some motivation for them to find a different parking spot.

JAWSCIENCE

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 3:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If it is your legal driveway he is in the wrong. It doesn’t matter that is so spacious two cars can apparently fit. That does t give him the right to use that extra space. It sounds like it is causing you a lot of Trouble maneuvering. Tell him you are going to call a tow truck if it happens again.

If you want to preserve your relationship and not talk about it then just Get a gate and make your DH promise not to give the guy the key. Since he parks on your lawn I would also suggest putting some small fence or gardening stakes.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am beyond upset with this. I am numb. I have asked and told him not to park there. He claims it's late at night or he is unloading or some other excuse. It stops for a day or 2 and then he does it again. He even parked on my lawn.

Does he have a wife? Have you tried speaking to her? If he’s frum, call his rabbi and tell him.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:17 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I have a feeling I know what sect of Judaism this guy is part of. Entitelment is common in their circles. Not going to say which group Im referring to, because I don't like to start wars...

That’s judgmental and lashin hara to condemn any group of Jews

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 28 2019, 4:18 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Nobody is going to like my answer.

Obviously, DH does not care about his wife's feelings or her comfort. You are being treated like a shmatte by both your neighbor and your husband, and this is unacceptable. People will only treat you as badly as you allow them to.

OP, time to take things into your own hands. Either put on your big girl panties and stand up to DH, or smash eggs on the other car's windshield every time he parks there. Blame it on local teens, bored with nothing to do for the summer.

Heck, I'm angry, and it's not even my driveway! It's the principle of the thing. Mad

You re advising her to commit a crime and then lie to cover it up. Seriously?