Home

No remorse, seems Guilt -Free

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 2:08 pm
Not wanting to Hijack another forum with a similar issue, I figured I'll start my own thread.

Someone mentioned that her son steals and she wants to know how to deal with it. Though she confronted him, he felt bad and cried claiming not to do it again.

My 8 yo DS also has this weakness, but plays it so well hiding it and denying the fact that he stole. He makes you feel stupid for even thinking about it. He sais no with a straight face, doesn't seem remorseful and always claims that he found it outside laying around. (He must be lying but how can I be sure when I didn't see).
Many times It's an expensive item, which doesn't make sense to 'just find' outdoor, but he does it so well that it makes me second guess myself and believe him.
Today I found a package of new pens in his drawer, lights and sirens for a bike, keys, a stamper and more. He claims that he's always looking around on the floor while walking and is very lucky to find stuff laying around, next to garbage cans, on the road...
Upon confronting him that this is far from average to "Just be found"', he talks with such confidence and doesn't look guilty. I didnt see where it came from so I can't know where it's really from.

Yes, we are struggling financially and going through lots of stress in life right now. He knows that we aren't going to buy everything he wants.
How can I know for sure that he stole these items and how can I deal with this situation?
Back to top

amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 2:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Not wanting to Hijack another forum with a similar issue, I figured I'll start my own thread.

Someone mentioned that her son steals and she wants to know how to deal with it. Though she confronted him, he felt bad and cried claiming not to do it again.

My 8 yo DS also has this weakness, but plays it so well hiding it and denying the fact that he stole. He makes you feel stupid for even thinking about it. He sais no with a straight face, doesn't seem remorseful and always claims that he found it outside laying around. (He must be lying but how can I be sure when I didn't see).
Many times It's an expensive item, which doesn't make sense to 'just find' outdoor, but he does it so well that it makes me second guess myself and believe him.
Today I found a package of new pens in his drawer, lights and sirens for a bike, keys, a stamper and more. He claims that he's always looking around on the floor while walking and is very lucky to find stuff laying around, next to garbage cans, on the road...
Upon confronting him that this is far from average to "Just be found"', he talks with such confidence and doesn't look guilty. I didnt see where it came from so I can't know where it's really from.

Yes, we are struggling financially and going through lots of stress in life right now. He knows that we aren't going to buy everything he wants.
How can I know for sure that he stole these items and how can I deal with this situation?


To be honest, the lack of remorse and guilt-free denials makes this much more worrisome. I'd speak to a professional how to handle such a situation - pronto.
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 5:46 pm
The issue is that he might be right. Though how can I be sure? How can I find out if it's true that he just happens to find worthy items? He is a (garbage) collector, he brings in everything he finds and makes some use out of it. He's very in tune to looking out for stuff.
Back to top

amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 5:49 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The issue is that he might be right. Though how can I be sure? How can I find out if it's true that he just find worthy items?


Based on what he is finding, expensive & worthwhile stuff, and based on your motherly intuitions it's high unlikely. Though, yes, it can still be a remote possibility that he is a very lucky kid who just so happens to be finding this stuff. Regardless, a professional will be able to assess the situation very quickly.
Back to top

groovy1224




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 5:57 pm
I don't think the lack of remorse is a red flag, necessarily. If he lied to begin with, and then lied about lying, he's kind of in a rut now where he has to keep lying because it would be very shameful to admit that he lied all those times. And lying sort of gets easier and easier once you're committed to it

My advice (I'm no professional, but these are my thoughts) would be to tell him that if he says he found them, you believe him. You want him to know you trust him. BUT, if you find out that they were in fact stolen, you'll be dissappointed and sad that he told you otherwise.

Finish by saying that if he did possibly take something he shouldn't have, it's not good that he did it, but it's normal to be tempted and you won't be mad. Let him know he can ALWAYS tell you the truth, even if it's something bad because you love him even if he ever comes to make some bad choices sometimes. Tell him he can come to you anytime, no matter what.

I think this is really all you can do, since you have no proof they were actually stolen.
Back to top

amother




Green


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 6:27 pm
I would teach him the halachot around finding missing objects - and see if he changes his story to say that everything he found was in a garbage can.

then I would get professional help.
Back to top

amother




Burlywood


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 6:52 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Not wanting to Hijack another forum with a similar issue, I figured I'll start my own thread.

Someone mentioned that her son steals and she wants to know how to deal with it. Though she confronted him, he felt bad and cried claiming not to do it again.

My 8 yo DS also has this weakness, but plays it so well hiding it and denying the fact that he stole. He makes you feel stupid for even thinking about it. He sais no with a straight face, doesn't seem remorseful and always claims that he found it outside laying around. (He must be lying but how can I be sure when I didn't see).
Many times It's an expensive item, which doesn't make sense to 'just find' outdoor, but he does it so well that it makes me second guess myself and believe him.
Today I found a package of new pens in his drawer, lights and sirens for a bike, keys, a stamper and more. He claims that he's always looking around on the floor while walking and is very lucky to find stuff laying around, next to garbage cans, on the road...
Upon confronting him that this is far from average to "Just be found"', he talks with such confidence and doesn't look guilty. I didnt see where it came from so I can't know where it's really from.

Yes, we are struggling financially and going through lots of stress in life right now. He knows that we aren't going to buy everything he wants.
How can I know for sure that he stole these items and how can I deal with this situation?


Do you really bit see that this is a serious issue that needs you to consult with a professional instead of asking clueless women here?
Back to top

amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 8:56 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Do you really bit see that this is a serious issue that needs you to consult with a professional instead of asking clueless women here?

You sound like a misogynist.
Back to top

amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 8:58 pm
It could mean something like conduct disorder, which requires major intervention.
Back to top

ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 9:36 pm
This is a very serious issue. Seek help immediately.
Back to top

amother




OP


Post  Thu, Jun 20 2019, 11:56 pm
It seems to be a white lie. Not really a lie but has some it's not the complete truth either.
I did some research and saw that his stories are (somewhat) true.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Dairy free bread machine recipe 12 Mon, Jul 22 2019, 3:29 am View last post
Movie recommendation for real life (free to watch on YouTube
by amother
15 Sun, Jul 21 2019, 11:27 am View last post
Free Stand Up comedy in NYC, pref. no drink minimum?
by amother
5 Tue, Jul 16 2019, 9:58 pm View last post
Free or low cost Limudei Kodesh online?
by amother
3 Tue, Jul 16 2019, 8:49 am View last post
Free old fashioned carriage
by laki
0 Mon, Jul 15 2019, 11:43 pm View last post
by laki

Jump to: