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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
When did your kids learn to ride a bike?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:10 am
My DS is almost 7 and cannot yet ride a 2 wheeler. Normally, I wouldn't worry about it- he'll learn when he's ready, no point in pressuring him, blah blah blah.

But I guess I'm worried because this is kind of a pattern with him overall. He doesn't really want to swim either (I think he has a slight fear of water). In general, any time we go to do any sort of activity, he's fearful- he won't really ride any rides at an amusement park, even mild kid ones. He won't do monkey bars, he won't get his face painted, he won't jump on a trampoline if there are any other kids on it, it takes him forever to feel ready to run through a sprinkler, etc. etc.

Again, in general my attitude is why push him? I don't want to pressure him just for my sake. But as he is growing and his piers are learning to swim, ride bikes, and are having fun on camp trips, it makes me sad and nervous to see him opt out out of fear. And now I'm wondering- should I be pushing him? Would it even work? I'm afraid that he's going to miss out on things that I know he would enjoy if he just gained the confidence.

His younger brother is 5 and is much more confident. I thought that maybe seeing his younger brother ride a bike would maybe make him feel a little competitive and would push him but it didn't.

So I'm asking about the bike riding but also the general picture- if anyone else has a child like this, did they grow out of it? If they didn't, did it affect them socially? Should I worry? Or just let him be? My dh thinks I'm projecting, that since I enjoy all sorts of activities, I assume something is 'wrong' with him because he doesn't. Maybe that's true to some extent, but I really just want him to be as happy as he possibly can. And I don't think that sitting with your feet in the pool all summer fits the bill.

Any insight would be so appreciated.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:34 am
What you are looking at is a problem with left/right integration in the brain.

Just a wild guess, did he start cruising, walking early, and totally skip the crawling stage? DD did, and I thought she was so smart. It turns out that crawling is crucial for brain development.

Put a narrow board on the ground, and have him practice walking "tightrope", one foot in front of the other. Have him read with alternating eye patches, first one side, then the other. Try to find as many ways as you can to get him to do "cross body" movements. When walking to shul, I'd have DD walk on the curb instead of the sidewalk, so she could practice her balance.

Move training wheels up until they don't touch the ground. They'll still be there in case he loses balance, but he can't rely on them for support. Teach him how to tread water in the shallow end of the pool, where he can't completely touch bottom. Once he knows he can keep his head up, he'll feel more confident. Also, let him practice dunking his head and blowing bubbles underwater. Once he sees that it's OK, that will take a lot of the fear away..

DD didn't ride a bike until she was almost 8, and I cried with joy because I was afraid she never would.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:39 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
What you are looking at is a problem with left/right integration in the brain.

Just a wild guess, did he start cruising, walking early, and totally skip the crawling stage? DD did, and I thought she was so smart. It turns out that crawling is crucial for brain development.

Put a narrow board on the ground, and have him practice walking "tightrope", one foot in front of the other. Have him read with alternating eye patches, first one side, then the other. Try to find as many ways as you can to get him to do "cross body" movements. When walking to shul, I'd have DD walk on the curb instead of the sidewalk, so she could practice her balance.

Move training wheels up until they don't touch the ground. They'll still be there in case he loses balance, but he can't rely on them for support. Teach him how to tread water in the shallow end of the pool, where he can't completely touch bottom. Once he knows he can keep his head up, he'll feel more confident. Also, let him practice dunking his head and blowing bubbles underwater. Once he sees that it's OK, that will take a lot of the fear away..

DD didn't ride a bike until she was almost 8, and I cried with joy because I was afraid she never would.


Thanks for your reply.

He did crawl, but it was a short stage for him.

We are actually now doing that with this training wheels- we raised one and we told him to try and ride so he can't hear the training wheels on the ground, because then he's actually balancing. It's going okay, but very very slow.

With the swimming, I think if I took him to the pool and got him to dunk his head when it was quiet and not filled with kids, he would get more comfortable. It's just hard becuase we don't have a pool, or have a friend/relative that does. So I'd have to pay to use a community pool and it would be crowded, plus I work full time so it's hard to find the time to do that anyway.

It's just hard that everything takes soooo much warmup time- I wish I had all the time in the world to help him! But realistically I just don't.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:44 am
Find out if he really wants to do all these activities but he is holding back, or is he content with more low key activities?

I was a low key child. Never rode a bike, hated the pool, hated amusement parks. Loved to read, sit inside and color, bake, talk on the phone sometimes. Loved when the family got together for peaceful bbq's. I was content that way though. As a teen in camp I chose to stay behind in camp for the camp trips. I loved the peace and quiet and would have been miserable on the bus ride and not gone on any rides anyway.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:47 am
Also, you sound like a really great mother but subconsciously you are comparing him to his younger brother. See if you can work on separating the two in your head.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:48 am
Let him practice dunking in the bathtub, before you put any soap in. I had DD dunking her head, at her own pace, starting from when she was little. It's important to teach this skill, because it can prevent accidental drowning. She'd start by just putting a bit of her face in, and slowly worked up to it. She was so proud when she could do it all the way!

Start looking for more ways to work cross body movement into daily life. Once you really look around, you'll find things that are easy to do without any expensive equipment or extra time on your part. It will be worth your time, because this will also help him learn better and remember more of his lessons.

https://www.charlottewattsheal.....vity/
https://www.lyonlearning.com/w.....ning/
https://ilslearningcorner.com/.....tion/
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Basya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:50 am
OP - where are you located? There is someone in Brooklyn that I hired to teach my kids to ride bikes, and they learned how in under an hour for a very reasonable price. PM me for the phone number if you would like.
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mfb




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 8:56 am
For a bike use the concept of a balance bike. Don’t use pedals only push feet on the ground like a scooter and then lift up. Practice rolling while balancing until he masters that and then start using the pedals.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 9:03 am
Ds is turning 7 next month and just learned how to ride a bike! I also thought it was a bit late and was worried...
Eventually after trying and trying and not getting it, he got it!
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 9:11 am
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
Find out if he really wants to do all these activities but he is holding back, or is he content with more low key activities?

I was a low key child. Never rode a bike, hated the pool, hated amusement parks. Loved to read, sit inside and color, bake, talk on the phone sometimes. Loved when the family got together for peaceful bbq's. I was content that way though. As a teen in camp I chose to stay behind in camp for the camp trips. I loved the peace and quiet and would have been miserable on the bus ride and not gone on any rides anyway.


Interesting. This is part of what I wonder. I don't want to push him for my sake. My fear is that he wants to do these things, but it scared to. I do believe that's the case, but I can't be sure, and he isn't super articulate. But I guess that is what I need to hone in on.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 9:12 am
might have sensory issues
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 9:13 am
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
Also, you sound like a really great mother but subconsciously you are comparing him to his younger brother. See if you can work on separating the two in your head.


Thanks- I hope I'm not comparing, but I should definitely be super conscious not to. Kids are different, and I don't want to feel like one is 'better' than the other because he's more adventurous.

Basya- I'm kind of far away from Brooklyn, but maybe if by the end of the summer we haven't made progress I'll PM you for the name. Maybe worth a day trip at some point.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 9:13 am
He sounds like a low key, calm kind of kid, who tends to be fearful and slow with physical challenges.
Hard to know from your post, it could be this is just his nature, and all he needs is acceptance to go at his own pace /comfort level.
OTOH, if there’s a lot of fear & anxiety around regular activities perhaps he’d benefit from therapy.

Does he go to camp? Does he participate in their activities/ trips? What do his teachers & counselors say about him? This should give you an idea.

My own kids are all the cautious type. But don’t sound as extreme as your son. My oldest son is almost 10 & still refuses to learn to ride a bike, pushing didn’t help. OTOH after a little pushing & swim lessons he swims amazing. He also loves rides -if they’re not too scary. My next daughter, age 6 is starting to learn to ride a bike, still needs a lot of support though. She’s also scared of most rides, and was absolutely terrified of water. I really pushed her for swim lessons, sort of bribed /forced her into it, and after a few hard weeks she started getting comfortable.
Some kids do just take time getting comfortable with things.

I’d be concerned though if a kid wasn’t participating in any physical activities in camp, and consistently refused to do anything physically challenging at home. I’d start by speaking to teachers, counselors & then following up with your doctor.

Then maybe try one area where he’s least resistant to work on. If he won’t ride a bike, will he ride a scooter? Maybe agree to try beginner skates on a carpeted floor? Climb on a climbing gym in a backyard /indoor place? Start slow and keep encouraging and praising.

Also for me personally swimming is non negotiable, as I feel it’s a must for safety. It needs to be done in a positive way, but with some pushing. I’d find a good teacher /place good with kids, & really make an effort to make it happen. One of my kids actually ran away from the pool mid lesson, & often refused to budge when the instructor told her to. It was mortifying for me. But now this kid can put their head in the water. Now this kid can float, and soon hopefully swim.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:07 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
He sounds like a low key, calm kind of kid, who tends to be fearful and slow with physical challenges.
Hard to know from your post, it could be this is just his nature, and all he needs is acceptance to go at his own pace /comfort level.
OTOH, if there’s a lot of fear & anxiety around regular activities perhaps he’d benefit from therapy.


I brought him to a therapist years back for a separate (though probably somewhat related) issue- he wouldn't use the bathroom in school. She evaluated him, and said he definitely has some control issues but nothing out of the normal range, he's just on the more extreme side of normal. Maybe it's time to go back, but he is doing well in school, isn't Mr. Popular but isn't an outcast either. So his teachers have never come close to recommending therapy.

Interesting thing is though that he isn't particularly calm. He loves to run and throw balls and jump on my couch Can't Believe It

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
Does he go to camp? Does he participate in their activities/ trips? What do his teachers & counselors say about him? This should give you an idea.


He does, he enjoys the learning part, he likes to play sports, he'll do the arts and crafts or whatever but the swimming is a no go. Towards the end of the summer he'll agree to wade in to about his waist. His lifeguards say it's all about exposure but I don't have a pool I can take him to..

His teachers enjoy him, he behaves well and is a reasonably good student.

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
My own kids are all the cautious type. But don’t sound as extreme as your son. My oldest son is almost 10 & still refuses to learn to ride a bike, pushing didn’t help. OTOH after a little pushing & swim lessons he swims amazing. He also loves rides -if they’re not too scary. My next daughter, age 6 is starting to learn to ride a bike, still needs a lot of support though. She’s also scared of most rides, and was absolutely terrified of water. I really pushed her for swim lessons, sort of bribed /forced her into it, and after a few hard weeks she started getting comfortable.
Some kids do just take time getting comfortable with things.

I’d be concerned though if a kid wasn’t participating in any physical activities in camp, and consistently refused to do anything physically challenging at home. I’d start by speaking to teachers, counselors & then following up with your doctor.

Then maybe try one area where he’s least resistant to work on. If he won’t ride a bike, will he ride a scooter? Maybe agree to try beginner skates on a carpeted floor? Climb on a climbing gym in a backyard /indoor place? Start slow and keep encouraging and praising.

Also for me personally swimming is non negotiable, as I feel it’s a must for safety. It needs to be done in a positive way, but with some pushing. I’d find a good teacher /place good with kids, & really make an effort to make it happen. One of my kids actually ran away from the pool mid lesson, & often refused to budge when the instructor told her to. It was mortifying for me. But now this kid can put their head in the water. Now this kid can float, and soon hopefully swim.


Okay this is helpful. I also think learning to swim is non- negotiable, I guess I just need to fork over the cash and get him some lessons. My husband was that kid who ran away so maybe it's genetic. You're definitely right about starting slow it's just so hard to take it so slow with everything, it takes a lot of energy and thought and planning, and I do try but it gets exhausting. Thanks for your insight, it was really helpful.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:21 am
My oldest learned to ride on his 5th birthday.

My next two waited until they were around 8. They were fearful and then all the neighbors were ahead of them so they were embarrassed to practice in front of them.

I finally had my husband take a day off from work and my kids off from camp, we took bikes to the local park which was empty, and they practiced with a two wheeler for about two hours. In that time, they found their balance, so after that they were OK to practice at home and were comfortably riding by the end of that summer.

If he's doing well in his school environment, that's amazing! That's where kids should be thriving and if he seems fine there, so I think its just a nature and that's ok.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:25 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks- I hope I'm not comparing, but I should definitely be super conscious not to. Kids are different, and I don't want to feel like one is 'better' than the other because he's more adventurous.

Basya- I'm kind of far away from Brooklyn, but maybe if by the end of the summer we haven't made progress I'll PM you for the name. Maybe worth a day trip at some point.


I'm just going to repeat this because I think it's worthwhile saying again: you sound like an amazing mother for your children. Keep doing what you're doing.
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Basya




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:26 am
Just adding in that the guy I mentioned is a physical therapist by profession. I drove 1.5 hours each direction for it - and boy was it worth it. He came highly recommended, and I've recommended him many times since then.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:34 am
dankbar wrote:
might have sensory issues


This. My son is very similar. He actually just learned to ride his bike. He was very determined cause all of his friends were riding one already.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:43 am
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
I'm just going to repeat this because I think it's worthwhile saying again: you sound like an amazing mother for your children. Keep doing what you're doing.


that's really sweet thank you! I actually teared up a little because sometimes I feel like I'm too hard on him, other times I feel like I let him get away with too much, so I've really been working hard to improve. They weren't kidding when they say parenting is hard!
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 10:47 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Okay this is helpful. I also think learning to swim is non- negotiable, I guess I just need to fork over the cash and get him some lessons. My husband was that kid who ran away so maybe it's genetic. You're definitely right about starting slow it's just so hard to take it so slow with everything, it takes a lot of energy and thought and planning, and I do try but it gets exhausting. Thanks for your insight, it was really helpful.


DD1's bestie is a camp lifeguard, and she does private lessons at camp for kids who need a little extra TLC to swim. If your DS goes to camp, see if that's an option.

Raising the training wheels is the standard way to teach a kid to ride a bike. But if you happen to be in NYC, look into this. https://www.bike.nyc/education.....kids/

As to amusement parks ... we have one who hates rides. People used to tell me that I needed to force her, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Still can't. Its not a necessary life skill.
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