Where's all the Chesed in the world???

amother

Copper

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 12:12 am

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Is there someone who can set up a chesed fund account and have it verified for you? A verified account that’s arranged by a rav or any reputable person can help... hopefully help you get out of this rut and back on your feet

amother

Orchid

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 12:47 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

I don’t think OPs interested in sharing any personal details about her situation unless it’s guaranteed to yield a significant amount of funds. She has mentioned multiple times that it’s beneath her to open up about her struggles to people who may only provide “insignificant” amounts (anything under $500). What

DVOM

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 6:57 am

As we can barely pay our mortgage, I cannot offer to pay your rent each month, OP. I have nothing financial to offer. I'm sorry.

But!

I lived for 11 years with four children in a very tiny basement apartment. The living space was under 900 square feet. It took some real creativity and artistry to make that little space livable for my family, and we did a lot of research and came up with lots of solutions that made the space doable for us. I had a lot of neighbors and friends who told my husband and me that we should start a business, space planning for very small living spaces. We'd be glad to come over and look at your space and help you redesign it. We also have a triple layer bunk bed, complete with built in shelving for each bed, that my husband designed and built so that each of our kids could have thier own designated 'space' while living four in a room. We even put up curtains for each of the bunks, so the kids could pull thier curtains closed and make thier space even more private. Since we bought and moved to our house we dismantled it and it's now hanging out in peices in our basement. Would you like to borrow it? Until you move to a larger home, it can really free up floor space and give each kid a cozy den to call thier own.

I know what it's like to hate your circumstances so much that you don't really want to make them work. But I doubt anyone will magically pay your rent, OP, and it sounds like you're stuck in your location for the good of your kids' education. We'd love to help you make your home more livable for you. It's not cold hard cash, but your welcome to PM me if this help would be helpful.

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:15 am

I feel bad for anyone who has to deal with both inadequate housing and special needs children. In EY, it's very common to raise big families in small homes. In America, there is more of a stigma related to run-down, overcrowded housing. It is unfortunately very common in the frum community that families are still living in the one or two bedroom newlywed apartment, after they have had several kids and it's a real but common struggle so unless a family stands out as needing barrier free housing for a physical infirmity, chances are no organization gets involved.
I would like to imagine that landlords take care of property and I think that government money exists in some places to help the indigent make repairs on homes that they own in order to keep neighborhoods from going downhill.
I have seen some very generous givers on imamother but I doubt that anyone gives more than $500 to any one cause because posters asking for help are common and frequent on this site and the majority of posters are also struggling financially, at least from what I perceive. They usually only give when the need has been verified by Yael.
Fundraising usually means getting a series of small donations.

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:39 am

I did a huge mistake by posting $500, cause I got that from one sibling, otherwise it was basically in the $100 range from siblings only. No friends or organizations. Everyone ganged up on me here because $500 is a very significant amount and I know what money means.
Studying_Torah, thanks so much for your kind words.

creditcards

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:54 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

As someone with a special needs child in Lakewood, school is free and top notch. You can get a 5 bedroom townhouse for about $2k. And there are special programs that have afterschool and Sunday programs which are huge.

I moved from NY to Lakewood with a special needs child and I can tell you that It was not so simple as everyone is making It sound. I'm very savvy when It comes to getting and finding all programs available for my child. I had to work very hard to get her into school. The private school refused to accept her. The board of Ed system in Lakewood is corrupted and refused to pay for special school and I needed to fight the BOE with a lawyer.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I see you changed your original post, but $100 is a significant amount. When I give $100, I expect a simple acknowledgement that it's appreciated not a complaint that it's insignificant. Maybe your attitude is coming across IRL.

How much are you looking for monthly? Maybe a bunch of sponsors can be put together for a monthly donation. But you will have to believe that a $10 or $20 monthly commitment is significant.

I also see you added on your original post that your kids are suffering from anxiety. Your attitude could be feeding that.

nicole81

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:19 am

I just want to reiterate what was mentioned above, since OP didn't respond about it... OP, your children should get SSI.

I have a question, too. If you receive enough money to allow you to move, do you have the monthly income to support staying in the apartment?

And lastly a side note re special ed in NY. Someone mentioned that sending to public vs private school in NYC would save no money. The portion that NYC pays towards private special education is meant to cover secular education and related services only. Schools that accept the city's offer as payment in full, no questions asked, are falsifying the cost of the secular education so that the reimbursement also covers the cost of the religious instruction. It's completely fraudulent.

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:24 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Money from siblings is a loaded minefield. I saw one wealthy man agree to buy his sister a house if she and her husband would sign a contract agreeing to stop having children. Several of the children in that family had emotional, behavioral and learning issues.

Some people fear that if they help siblings, it will be a never ending expectation.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:34 am

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Anxiety can surely be coming from the home especially if the living situation is affecting all. There are organizations that sit down with you and work out financially a better way of living. Maybe you need to figure out what therapies or help for ur children are working and what not. If your children have clear diagnosis then apply for ssi it sounds like your up to the attitude of nothing will work and I wanna wallow in my pity.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:37 am

creditcards wrote:

I’m sorry to hear that. I thought we were discussing kids with clear special needs not a borderline situation.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:48 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I’m sorry to hear that. I thought we were discussing kids with clear special needs not a borderline situation.

In NJ, often, in order to get the right school for your special needs child, even if it's a private/non-public school that isn't a Jewish one (because not all public programs know what they'redoing or have the resources to do it right), you need to do a lawsuit. It's not simple. You need to do a lot of arranging and put up a chunk of money upfront for retainer and evaluations, even if you will win it back later. Check out blogs of special needs moms, and you will see the efforts people go through all over the country. It's a lot of stress.

I would recommend sitting down with someone from Mesilah to look at where you're at, just for a fresh pair of eyes that may know some resources that you don't. You can also schedule a talk with someone at JADD (or your local JFS or Friendship Circle if they have someone who help with this) to talk about any financial resources you might be able to access for your kids.

creditcards

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:55 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I’m sorry to hear that. I thought we were discussing kids with clear special needs not a borderline situation.

My daughter had very clear special needs and is not borderline at all. The private special needs school didn't want her because she was too special needs for them. The BOE didn't approve her because she wasn't enough special needs for Them. In reality she is very special needs. If anything more special needs than most kids who were in the school before she came in. The problem with her is that she is very pretty and cute. She automatically looks lees special needs than she really is when she had a half hour evaluation. If the person working for the BOE decides something you are basically stuck.

watergirl

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:12 am

creditcards wrote:

Her previous evaluations and IEPs didn't do anything to help prove the case?

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:34 am

creditcards wrote:

Regular public schools have special classes that can accommodate many kids with real special needs. You sued because you didn’t want to send her to public school it seems.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:41 am

OP, expecting people to hand you cash is not a solution or help. It may help at the moment but you'll be back at the where you're now next month.... what is your plan for the future?? No one will give you cash forever. The biggest help for you would be advice on how to get back on your own feet. Don't dismiss or not take offers of help just because it's not money. People will not be interested in helping you with this attitude.

amother

Linen

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 9:48 am

Im sorry for what you're presently going through. Galgal chozer, your situation is in Hashem's hands and ONLY He can change it. Turn to HIM, cry your eyes out. He has never once ignored a child. I hope He will answer your requests / bakashos in a manner that you can see the good and understand it as well.

Op, to answer your question, about where all the chesed is, its literally everywhere you look. People answering you on this forum are doing a chesed, too. They are comforting you. They are giving you ideas, viable ones. Everywhere I turn, I see beautiful chasadim that k'lal yisrael do on a daily basis. Quietly paying a neighbor's grocery bill. Sleeping the night at the hospital. Offering their car to a friend. Bringing food to the elderly, the needy, the sick. I cant possibly list all the beautiful chasadim our specific generation does. Hashem sees and knows this as well. I hope it will bring Moshiach.

What you are asking is "Where is all the money?" Or "Why is this happening to me?" Again, all questions to ask Hashem. Good questions. So ask Him.He loves you. He wants to be a part of this forum.

We all wish we had the money to hand to you. Here. $100,000 . The only one who can do that and so so much more, is Hashem. So if you really need your situation to change, and He is the only one who can actually change it, tear open the heavens with your, well, tears. I promise. He counts every. Single. One.

I speak from experience. With love. And with the knowledge that He WILL hear you.And do exactly what He knows is best for you.

I promise.

urban gypsy

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 10:14 am

turca wrote:

If you want cash , create a gofundme page. But please don’t be upset if an anonymous person online gives u $18.

I second this. I used to think they were a horrible idea until I saw a bunch of people IRL with much less serious situations make great money with this idea.

OP, are you part of a community? Have you tried speaking to your rav about this? You need some networking to make your campaign gain a bit of traction.