Kids in cars (vent)

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Children's Health

Kids in cars (vent)

1 2 3 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 1:50 pm

Not sure which topic to post this under, but I just saw an ad on Lakewood scoop that you can get reminders to your phone every morning at 9:30 to check that your kids aren't in the car. As you can imagine, there are some angry people commenting things like "if you need such reminders, you shouldn't have kids" etc etc.
While I think that line of thinking is flawed, and most likely those people don't understand our religious and cultural values, I have to say that to some degree, there is a point to be made there. I personally know some people, and by proxy know many other people who strongly believe BC is assur, and are having baby after baby, year after year, to the point where there is serious neglect happening! People need to think a few steps ahead of themselves, and think, will I be able to properly and safely raise 5 kids under the age of 7? Am I possibly putting their health, wellbeing, or lives at risk by having too much on my plate? In the rest of the world, they have 1-2 kids, and the entire family dynamic is seriously planned before getting pregnant. Whether it's setting up a college fund, doing home renovations, going to parenting classes etc. Can we at the very least do a fraction of that and be responsible about how much we take upon ourselves as mothers?
And another thing. Working mothers are to be applauded for their superhuman abilities. To any woman out there who managed to find the balance between work and home, kudos to you. But we all know there are some people cut out for that life, and some that are not. You are doing a disservice to yourselves and your kids if you live that life without having the skills or tools or resources to maintain it. This is where the men should be stepping in. It's so unfair to expect our women to keep a house running, raise kids, and bring in the paychecks. I understand that learning Torah is beautiful and amazing and the biggest mitzvah, but who are we kidding? Half of the 7,000 men in BMG don't necessarily need to or want to be there, but the system dictates it. They can march off to the nearest employment opportunity and ease the burdens of their wives, so that they can actually be a mother to their children.
I saw a quote once that sums this up very well. People expect women to work like they don't have kids and raise kids like they don't work.
If anyone feels that I am out of line, or that I'm not understanding something, please let me know.
Now I'll get off my soap box

Rappel

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 1:53 pm

Out of line?

What I just read: be responsible parents and spouses.

Applause!

SuperWify

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 1:57 pm

I love your quote and agree with all you said- I especially agree with the fact that no woman can do it all and the men really must step up the plate. I agree that with many kids it’s much harder to fulfill all of their emotional and physical needs. Getting them all therapies they might need, extra circular ect.

BIG BUT- I live in Lakewood for 24 years and I have yet to a see a parent leave their child in the car. Please don't make it sound like people do this daily and purposefully.

weasley

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 1:59 pm

I agree with all your points whole heartedly.

But honestly, I don't think their is any connection between having too many kids and leaving the kids in the car, or the wives having too much on them and leaving the kids in the car.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:02 pm

SuperWify wrote:

This literally just happened, and they're pressing charges against the mom

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:04 pm

Kollel husbands usually do help. Many now-a-days are not staying in Kollel forever. But seriously, half of BMG doesn't need or want to be there? Learning Torah full time sets a tone for the house. I'm not arguing that you can't be a working Ben torah. Many are and kol hakavod to them. But, being in Kollel doesn't mean you're irresponsible. And many people in Kollel do want to be there and should be there.

Signed a long-term Kollel wife who is not superwoman and is happy her husband is still there

amother

Navy

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:04 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

This literally just happened, and they're pressing charges against the mom

Omg why are they pressing charges?? This was a horrible accident, this poor woman’s life is already going to be hell. What does pressing charges accomplish??

SuperWify

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:07 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

This literally just happened, and they're pressing charges against the mom

I’m aware. But again, it does NOT happen every day.

keym

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:07 pm

Every story that I've heard of parents leaving kids in cars had absolutely nothing to do with how many kids they had or anything. In fact, most were only children or one of two.
What they did all have in common was a difference in schedule. Usually Mom drove, today Dad was supposed to drive- forgot.
Which is why, today and this week, with the summer schedule, new babysitters and daycamps, different morning routine, a reminder is so important.

SuperWify

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:08 pm

weasley wrote:

Exactly this. 👏 👏👏

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:09 pm

I think you are mixing apples and bananas.

Thinking of R"L one family I know where a child was left in the car, I can tell you that the mother is one of the most responsible people I know. And she wasn't overburdened with more of a family than she could handle. It was truly a freak accident that I believe with my whole heart and soul, happened because Hashem willed it so.

I haven't seen any data drawing a correlation between kids left in cars and mothers (or fathers - there have been some such cases as well) being overworked. In most cases, it was a miscommunication or the parent not usually doing the transporting forgetting the child.

I'm definitely not overburdened with too many kids - I have IF and my kids are very spaced. It's for that reason that I was terrified that I or DH would leave our youngest in the car by mistake. I mean, we weren't used to the bring the baby, pick up the baby routine, and our subconscious could easily revert to the over 5 years since our previous DD had been a baby. Both of us developed an ironclad rule to put an item we wouldn't leave the car without into the carseat with her, whenever we took her anywhere. I'm so used to leaving my bag in the backseat that I still do it sometimes, even though she's already 11 B"AH, and DH always leaves his hat in the backseat....so I really believe in the powers of the subconscious to take over our functioning, and the dangers therein.

I think the people mocking the reminders are stupid. Whatever it takes to save a baby's life should be implemented. I always appreciated the sitters who will call a parent if they are late with their child. I watch my nephew every day for an hour, and if my BIL is late dropping him off I text him to ask where my favorite little guy is (generally, on an errand with his father, or running late...)

sequoia

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:13 pm

OP, you are right about everything.

But.

All this has nothing to do with kids being left in cars.

We should re-read the WaPo essay to remind us that it can truly happen to anyone.

merrygold

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:14 pm

Unless you bring a study that proves child left in car increases with larger family size, don't conflate the two. As keym said, forgetting a child in a car has more to do with change in routine than family size.
As for your line: Half of the 7,000 men in BMG don't necessarily need to or want to be there, but the system dictates it - that has very little to do with women having too many children. The men are adults and no one is making them stay except themselves.

You're concerned about women having more children than they can properly care for. Point taken.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:18 pm

The kids in cars thing has nothing to do with having many kids. The studies that have been done on this show that it has to do with frenzied, harried parents stuck on autopilot trying to get through the day, and the big risk is a change in routine (for example, mom usually does daycare drop off, but today dad has to do it, and he forgets and goes straight to work like he always does). The people who this has happened to don't necessarily have so many kids, although sometimes they do.

What people don't realize is that it can happen to ANYONE. In fact, if you think it can't happen to you, that's a major risk factor right there. So personally, I'm in favor of anything and everything that helps prevent these tragedies, even if we "shouldn't need" such reminders. Waze now has a feature that reminds you to check your car before you leave. Some people just make a habit of always checking their car, even if they know they didn't bring their kids. There are the suggestions of leaving your shoes in the backseat, or your purse (and no, that doesn't mean you value your purse more than your kids, it means you're running errands and can't be without your wallet). Whatever. If we all do these kinds of things, even though we "shouldn't need to," it will save lives. If it's just a given that people use reminders or leave their stuff in the back or whatever, fewer tragedies will happen. We should all be in favor of that.

imorethanamother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Every single year, someone brings this up regarding hot cars and people having too many children. And every year, someone trots out this article. Read it. And then come back and tell me it's because of birth control.

https://www.washingtonpost.com.....af94b

In the meantime, just pray that this never happens to you.

soap suds

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:37 pm

I see everyone already said what I came here to say.
But I do have to add that I love this line: "People expect women to work like they don't have kids and raise kids like they don't work."

amother

Red

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:38 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Omg why are they pressing charges?? This was a horrible accident, this poor woman’s life is already going to be hell. What does pressing charges accomplish??

Maybe they’re hoping it will send a message to other parents that they’d better make sure it doesn’t happen to them

SuperWify

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:40 pm

soap suds wrote:

I see everyone already said what I came here to say.
But I do have to add that I love this line: "People expect women to work like they don't have kids and raise kids like they don't work."

I’ve never heard it before but it just became my new favorite line!

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:05 pm

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Waze now has a feature that reminds you to check your car before you leave. Some people just make a habit of always checking their car, even if they know they didn't bring their kids.

I actually made a habit of always turning Waze on even if I know exactly how to get to my destination for this reason exactly. Also, I agree that leaving your purse in the backseat is not an indication that you value it more than your child.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:07 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Omg why are they pressing charges?? This was a horrible accident, this poor woman’s life is already going to be hell. What does pressing charges accomplish??

Protocal. Some moms are abusive/neglectful/not fit to be a parent. Shes gonna have to prove her case.

Page 1 of 3

1 2 3 Next