Birthday parties in the 9 days

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:28 pm

Embarrassed to ask a rav..
Are we allowed to make birthday parties in the nine days?

amother

Tan

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:36 pm

I would imagine not, but everyone needs to ask their own Rav. My neighbors made a Bar Mitzvah and they were told to wear weekday clothing. When we made a Bar Mitzvah, our Rav said we may wear shabbos clothes but no taking pictures. Everyone does different when it comes to these things.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Are we allowed to make birthday parties in the nine days?

Why are u embarrassed? If u care about Halacha u should be proud! No one here is a rabbi to pasken shailos! This isn’t a shameful question. Be a big girl and ask your LOR.

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:37 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Why are u embarrassed? If u care about Halacha u should be proud! No one here is a rabbi to pasken shailos! This isn’t a shameful question. Be a big girl and ask your LOR.

We are chassidish and birthday parties are sort of not a thing, or even frowned upon.

amother

Tan

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:45 pm

OP, I'm chassidish and we have birthday parties ever since I was born. It's the first time in my life that I'm hearing that it's not a thing and frowned upon by chassidim. All my neighbors and friends have birthday parties for their kids, what does being chassidish have to do with it?

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:46 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

I should have written "in my circles". Please don't bash me for something that is out of my control.

amother

Tan

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 2:48 pm

OP, what happens in your home is 100% in your control. I grew up in Williamsburg, all my family and friends always had birthday parties. So please confirm that this is really something that's not done in your circles, or just not done in your family.

groovy1224

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:08 pm

In my circles, birthday parties are very much a thing, but I still wouldn't do one during the 9 days. I would do it earlier or push it off, but I prefer doing it earlier.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:21 pm

It's better not to. There are ways around it, like a making a siyum (which would even allow you to eat meat), but better to just wait till after TB. It's only a few days. My birthday sometimes comes out during the 9 days, and when I was younger, if it happened that way, my birthday party was just postponed till the following week. These days I always celebrate on my Hebrew birthday (which is a few days after TB, so is never an issue).

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:26 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

I make birthday parties for my kids! Hence this thread. I just wouldn't feel comfortable asking my dayan about it. Do you have a Williamsburg rav I can ask this?

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:28 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Ok, I will postpone it. (Hebrew birthday is in the nine days)

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok, I will postpone it. (Hebrew birthday is in the nine days)

Good idea. It sounds like this is just a regular birthday year, but keep in mind, if the child in question is a boy, you can rely on the siyum "loophole" for the bar mitzvah. A lot of people do the siyum thing for much less (in fact, some do it literally for no other reason than to have a fleishig meal) and while it's allowed, it's definitely kinda iffy and a lot of people don't feel comfortable with that. A bar mitzvah would be a fully acceptable use of the siyum heter though. Something to keep in mind for the future 😀

amother

Purple

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 3:40 pm

My sister's vort was last year in the nine days. We were told to dress for Shabbos. We made a regular vort but served sushi, salads, soups, and pareve/milchig hot food.
My son's upsherin is in the nine days. We are doing it a couple weeks early on July 14.

sarahiam

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 4:28 pm

fyi just for what its worth, yehsivish not chassidish but DH learned in a chassidish kollel for a few years and I heard multiple times that birthdays werent a thing or if anything were a somber occasion for reflection. we do celebrate birthdays but OP is prob from such a community

amother

Navy

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 4:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We are chassidish and birthday parties are sort of not a thing, or even frowned upon.

I am chasidish and make a nice birthday party with friends and cousins for each child. I would make the party after the 9 days.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 5:04 pm

My ex is Chassidish, and he was horrified at the idea of birthdays. He said it was tempting the ayin hara, and we shouldn't celebrate in case we attracted the wrong ideas.

I never even got a card on my birthday. Sad

gande

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 5:10 pm

We are chassidish and celebrate on the closest shabbos with a birthday cake and invite family. I think shabbos in 9 days is more lenient.

amother

Copper

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 5:10 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Your ex had numerous issues. The fact that he calls himself chassidish is really unrelated. Please don't present it as such.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 5:35 pm

DS was born in the 9 Days.
We make his party a few days early.
He never minds!

1091

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 6:29 pm

My lchayim was during the nine days. I can’t remember what we did for my engagement party.

My son’s bar mitzva will be celebrated IH the first shabbos of the nine days.