Very nervous | Imamother

ectomorph

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 11:42 am

Zehava wrote:

Geez the imamother sanctimommy club. This is why I rarely post here about these topics, or about SB.
Leaving kids with competent caretakers is a normal part of life. We can’t always be hooked onto our children 24/7 365 days a year. Sometimes we need a little me-time to be better mommies the rest of the time. And sometimes things happen like a new baby or a simcha.

A kid who is clingy will be hugely traumatised by being left w strangers for a week and a half. Yes, even if people do it.

People used to send their kids to boarding schools and then they found out how much abuse went down there.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:24 pm

My 2 year old stayed with her grandparents for a few months, when I was hospitalized. There was nothing else I could do, and there was no choice.
And, Baruch Hashem she's perfectly okay. She visited me once a week, we spoke on the phone almost every day, and she happily came home when I could finally take care of her.
At this point (a few months later) she doesn't remember it.
Many people told me about how they had to leave their kid for an extended period of time, or that they were left with a relative for a long time themselves and how it didn't effect their lives at all. None of them remember it and they didn't develop any issues.
Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

aricelli

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:26 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

I would happily leave my kiddos at their grandparents house as well!

pesek zman

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:27 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

You can’t compare grandparents to strangers. Also can’t compare hospitalized parent to wedding

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:39 pm

When DD was 18 months old, I had the opportunity to spend a week and a half in Israel, all expenses paid. I'd never been before, so I left DD with her father (this is before we'd split up, so she was in the same house, same routine as always.)

When I got back, she took one look at me and screamed. Then for days afterward she refused to look me in the eye. It was weeks before she got back to normal.

If this is how an otherwise happy, well adjusted, and outgoing 18 month old reacts, I can't imagine how a nervous, fussy 2 year old would react.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:48 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Pesek zman, it doesn't make a difference for a child if mom is at the hospital or at a simcha. A child doesn't know the difference.

True, but sometimes having to leave a young child is unavoidable. You do what you have to do. Leaving when it’s a choice but not necessary isn’t different for the child, but it’s different for the parent.

I personally have left young children with grandparents for a few days, but I wouldn’t leave with a stranger.

ectomorph

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 12:49 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Pesek zman, it doesn't make a difference for a child if mom is at the hospital or at a simcha. A child doesn't know the difference.

I understand that this is culturally acceptable in certain communities. Much as day care is acceptable in other communities.

It simply has to be done with sechel. If you have a child who is clingy and needy, you don't put them at a babysitter w a cold personality or a day care with many different teachers who don't get to know the kids.

A more confident, tougher toddler can be in a factory day care and will be fine.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 2:42 pm

I guess it comes down to that OP knows her child best and she should follow her heart to make the right decision. I'm assuming OP will do lot's of research on the babysitter to make sure she's competent and loving.

Aylat

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 3:10 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

My husband was in the army during my youngest's babyhood and beginning of toddler hood. I was worried that it would affect their bonding, that my son wouldn't attach to my husband who was away so much. BH, not at all, they had great attachment.

My husband also travels for work several times a year, usually for 10 days each time. The children who have experienced this as toddlers have never been traumatised by it or had any difficulty reattaching to him.

Not parallel to OP's scenario, but similar to yours FF, and just shows that there is a range of experiences.

amother

Taupe

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 3:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am traveling iy'h next week overseas, to a family simcha, most of my kids are in camp, I decided without choice, to leave my 2 yr toddler by a babysitter, but I am very very nervous,

he is not easy going, he cries a lot especially during night time etc., he gets scared when he sees other pupil, I feel so sorry for him, I am afraid I won't enjoy the simcha, what's your experience? should I call the babysitter from overseas everyday asking how he is doing or just wait until I come back?

I would send or have sent to the babysitter during the days to get used to her but I am sure he will miss you but will be fine maybe make a photo pillow of you for him
I left my super stranger anxiety toddler hi e while I went to a simcha yes it was with my husband but she had a preference to be only on me and she was going to a babysitter during the day and she survived and did really well and I came home with chocolate for her.

ectomorph

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 4:27 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

With your husband is totally different!!

amother

Gold

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 4:41 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

The fact that you're trying to equate a toddler left home with her own father with one left in a strange home with a strange caregiver...

yerushamama

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 5:23 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

The fact that you're trying to equate a toddler left home with her own father with one left in a strange home with a strange caregiver...

Why are you assuming that she is strange? I am sure that she is perfectly normal, or OP wouldn't even consider it! LOL

(Yes, I am WAAAY overtired!, but also trying to inject a bit of humor here in an emotional topic.)

aricelli

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 5:24 pm

yerushamama wrote:

Why are you assuming that she is strange? I am sure that she is perfectly normal, or OP wouldn't even consider it! LOL

(Yes, I am WAAAY overtired!, but also trying to inject a bit of humor here in an emotional topic.)

You got me there!
I was thinking - this thread is really turning bizarre!

WastingTime

Wed, Jul 03 2019, 5:51 pm

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Is there a reason you can't change your plans and either bring him along or stay home? This doesn't sound very healthy.

Not healthy????
Why, does the babysitter's kids have the measles?